I'm 23 and my mum and dad got divorced 2 years ago. My mum has never fully recovered she bought the house and is still sleeping in their bed.
He moved far away and I ended up following him with my daughter.
He told me last week he has been talking to a women online for months and drove 14 hours to meet her.. And it was love at first sight and they are a couple now. He is so bubbly like a little school boy
Today I went out with my mum to where she use to live with him in their early days she was talking about memories and started to cry. If only she really knew. I then get a message from one of my dads friends. This lady and him went to school together he left when he was 17 and only caught up with her again 2 years ago. So she messages me saying how happy he is and she has never seen him this happy. This made me so angry as she didn't see him with my mum.
It doesn't sit well with me. Am I being a jealous daughter. His girlfriend said she can't wait to meet me and my daughter. I don't want to meet her EVER. Is that wrong of me. Why do I feel like this im 23 not 12. I feel sick. Guttered he has someone else. She could be a gold digger for all I know as my dad is very well off and it shows. She could be a bitch or just want some company. My poor mum he has just cut her off doesn't speak to her doesn't help her out round the house like any hard jobs. I feel like now he wants a new family. This women doesn't have any kids. Dad told me she would love to have me as a daughter!!! Ahh I can not deal with any of this!
Dads new girl friend
Dads new girl friend
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Mental Health, Self Care, Sisterhood Stories
9 Replies
Its your family i think its natural. Maybe let her knoe from your position thats all hard to hear. That youll try to be happy for dad but she needs to go a bit slower. Theres nothing childish about identifying your feelings and setting boundaries. Good luck it sounds tough.
It's an adjustment time for everyone. A few things stand out regarding your thinking though.
They are divorced and it was 2 years ago. So your Dad has allowed a very respectful time for everyone to move on.
No, your dad shouldn't be helping your mum with jobs. Just like your mum shouldn't be doing your dads washing anymore. It's natural that your dad has 'cut your mum out' that's what divorce is.
I feel very sad for your mum that she hasn't moved on emotionally. She sounds stuck in an unhealthy way. I'd be encouraging her to start to move forward and she might need some kind of counselling. She needs to move forward wether your dad is single or in a relationship. I wouldn't be visiting places she used to go with your dad, I think that is not very healthy at all.
Wether the new girlfriend turns out to be a gold digger, a bitch or His next wife, this is your dads relationship and HIS journey. He is entitled to date people who are bad for him and good for him. This woman might be around for 2 weeks or 10 years, she might treat him well and she might use him, BUT that's up to him. You sadly don't get a vote, just like your dad doesn't get a vote on your relationships. So you kind of have to suck it up a bit and take things as they come. You can ask him to take it slow with you. A coffee in a neutral location and then building from there.
I think it's normal to have those feelings.
There is so much that isn't healthy in this situation.
Your mum has to move on. Whether it's been two months or two years. She's dwelling in the past and it's so bad for her. No, your dad shouldn't be helping her out. He's not with her anymore. That would only give her false hope which would only hurt her more.
She's not going to cope well knowing he's in another relationship. Particularly when she discovers it's someone from your dad's past.
As for your dad's friend saying she's never seen your dad so happy. It was a bit insensitive I agree. Maybe her heart was in the right place.
Definitely stop with the trips down memory lane. It's not healthy for either of you.
This is written from the perspective of a step mum. It's truly a heartbreaking job. I'll try to explain.
So your mum is not over the divorce. Would you feel differently if she was? Really think about it. Would you?
You feel like you should be loyal to your mum. Fair enough. But what has your dad's new lady done that is so terrible? She fell in love with your dad? He deserves to be happy?
Fact is you're never going to accept this woman unless your mum gives you permission to. The reality is she might never do that. Is that really fair?
You have a daughter. Would you want your daughter to feel the way you do? I'm a step mother but I've also had my parents divorce and I had to deal with my dad's new partner too. I was 15 so a little younger. But I remember the feelings of intense jealousy, anger, guilt....
When my marriage ended I made sure I talked to my kids and explained they were still loved, it wasn't their fault and I didn't love their dad anymore but I still wanted him to be happy. I didn't want them to feel like I did when they had to deal with their dad having a new woman in their life.
Anyway. It's an emotional situation. You have to make your own choices. Just think about all perspectives.
Grow up. Obviously one or both of your parents weren't happy or they wouldn't have gotten divorced.
You don't have to like your dads new girlfriend but at least make an effort and try to be happy that he is happy.
People are disposable these days, your poor mum, everyone will tell you she needs to move on, that you need to move on......On and up, don't look back, that's what it's like now, I would feel exactly like you xxxxx
Just remember there is a reason they got divorced. It is better to leave an unhappy marriage than to stay in one forever.
Your dad should not be helping your mum out...that's not his job or responsibility and you shouldn't be angry at him for that.
Also don't be angry at your step mum. She clearly really likes your dad and just wants to make him happy.
Your mum sounds like she is living in an unhealthy way...I would be helping her move on and it sounds like you both could use some help there. Perhaps try speaking to a professional to help with these feelings.
Your parents are not together so he doesn't have to help out your mum around the house or keep in contact with her, you are 23 not 12 so unless it was something important about their child (You) then they don't need to speak, it's wrong of you to make a point out of it.
To the friend that messaged you about your dad's happiness. She said "it's the happiest SHE has seen him" not the happiest he has ever been. If you feel the need to reply just say, my parents had many happy times too which you weren't able to see, we have all been through a lot and I would appreciate if you could respect the fact that he was married as to me your message came across disrespectful to myself and my family.
It is normal to be protective of your mum. I would also explain to your dad that you are having a hard time adjusting to his new partner and that you are uncomfortable with her thinking of you as her daughter. Explain that you want him to be happy but you already have a mother and he needs to respect that and not have the expectation that you will see his new partner as a mother figure.
Stop going with your mum to places that will remind her off your dad.
She needs to move on. Does she actually like her bed? Maybe check out furniture catalogues with her and say "hey, how nice is this bed setting" or something to get your mum thinking about upgrading her furniture.
Also if you never meet the new partner how can you judge for yourself if your dad is happy or a gold digger or bitch??
I absolutely love my step dad & step mum. They will never replace my bio dad & mum but I love and value them as members of my family. Both step parents have never wanted to replace my parents, they have just wanted to be in our lives.
Both my parents had numerous partners before remarrying, and a lot of them I never liked thankfully the ones they did marry are awesome.
It is good that your dad is moving on. He deserves to be happy. So does your mum but 20+ years may take a bit more time to get over for her. Some people just move on quicker and easier.
I don't think the friend should have messaged you and said that your dad has never been happier. She has no idea what your mum and dads relationship was like. This would make me very angry as well.
I feel your dad has every right to not do anything associated with your mum or your mum's house.
Just be there for mum because it sounds like she may be devastating at finding out your dad has a girlfriend.
Hope it all works out for your family.
I know what your going through. Both My parents and my husband's parents got divorced within 12 months of each other. Over the years we have witnessed heart break, parent's having new relationships, happiness, jealousy and engagements.
Its been a lot to take in and at times extremely hard to process. All the things your feeling we have felt.
However at some stage your going to have to find acceptance. It doesnt have to be today though love, or tomorrow. But gradually you will have to accept that your dad has moved on and he has met a lady that makes him happy.
Your mum will be hurt because she hasn't moved on and your loyalty to your mum will kick in and you will want to ignore the relationship your dad is in and not acknowledge his new girlfriend.
But at the end of the day that causes more hurt, for you and your dad and your daughter because she will no doubt miss her poppy. Your dad deserves another chance at love. Just like your mum does and will too, find one day.
Your dad shouldn't be expected to do those jobs for your mum anymore. They are no longer married and its unfair to expect it of him. My dad expected my mum would still cook him meals and drop them off and do his washing because they were things he didn't know how to do. That was an unfair expectation of her, and he just had to learn to do those things for himself.
Some people stay friends after divorce, others dont. We have watched my parents drift from trying to remain friends, to awkward social interaction when they have to.
Hope some of this has helped xx