What are the challenges (big and small) that you face when your child has a different last name to you or your partner?
We are pregnant with our first, and marriage is something we want to do and have wanted for years, but the house came first.
We didn't expect to get pregnant so soon, as I was told I wouldn't get pregnant without medication, so we thought we had time to get married first!
So now we are unsure if we should just get married now at the registry office or similiar, and have a nice ceremony later down the track, or if we should just wait til we can do it properly after the baby is here.
It's important to me to have the same last name as my child. But I also want to look my best for my wedding (I'm overweight already, and I know it's shallow, but still important to me) and do it properly. I'm worried that if we got the registry office route that we will never get around to having a proper ceremony that I've always wanted, where my dad walks me down the isle and I get to be soppy about how much I love my man.
Growing up with a step dad (from a young age) it was frustrating when people couldn't just tell straight up that he was my dad. Or he'd get called by my fathers last name (awkward!)
Advice appreciated!
9 Replies
My oldest daughter has her dads last name (he's still regularly in her life) and I have my maiden name still and it's caused me no dramas at all. She is in school now.
At the time of having a baby most people don't feel like there would be a break up in the future but sometimes these things happen.
I was in a very similar situation to you and I decided to hyphenate my child's surname and told my partner that once were married we can remove it at the same time I change my surname as it's only about $100 to do so.
He was displeased and three months later I found out why - he was seeing another woman behind my back.
Two years into the future I am so so glad that I made the choice to hyphenate the names :) just remember that if you want to add your surname later it is very hard to do if the father doesn't agree but it's very simple to drop a name and have you both sign off on it.
I am not married yet, my daughter has my partner's surname and so will our next daughter. I have not encounted a problem yet in 3.5 years! Doctors dont care, daycare doesn't care, hospital didn't care, airlines didn't care, none of my family care. I think it's pretty common these days! Sometimes I get called Mrs (partner's surname) but unless it's something official, I don't correct them as it doesn't bother me.
I have 3 kids all of them ha e their fathers last name. I have no problems being identified as their mum. I also have a different last name to my mum and to my step dad. No problems there either. The only problem I have is peopld recognising that I have siblings as only 2 out of 4 of us have the same last name. 30 years later and people still ask me if I'm serious when I mention who my older sister is.
The only people that have a problem with it are the parents and you make it a problem yourself. My child has her dads last name that I'm not with anymore and it's no big deal. When you get married you will have the same last name so what's the problem. I've got friends that have 3 different last names in one family and as long as you don't make it a big deal it's not.
We got married just before our oldest started school.
Medicare, banks and anything in joint names was more of a drama.
But not helping was my name was hyphenated. People didn't get it.
I didn't choose it. Was handed down generations.
But am finding the same last name make life a lil less complicated
For me the hard part was my sadness, I wanted my partners surname I wanted to be his wife, and I wanted my children's surname
Back Story;
We had planned a wedding for November 14 booked the cake, booked photographer, booked dj, caterer and were interviewing celebrants... invites were out
Come March 14 we find out we're actually due late November for baby girl number one so we put everything on hold (main reason I didn't want to be super pregnant for my wedding)
So when the birth certificate came when she was born I felt deep sadness for our surnames were not the same, this was just because of my wants.
We rescheduled everything for June 2016 (give time for baby weight loss, financials etc)
Come November 2015 we found out we were pregnant AGAIN and due June!
Oh what a coincidence I thought to myself and felt a little angry we weren't more careful (it was literally one alcohol infused we've ran out of condoms but oh well let's risk it for the biscuit nights)
This time instead of rescheduling we cancelled the wedding and put it on hold until further notice (lost all of our deposits)
This time unfortunately we miscarried in January this year :( so could have kept the wedding date but we were lucky we didn't as we are having our rainbow baby girl In the next 2-4 weeks ?
And not having her surname isn't going to bother me as I know one day I will have it ?
Sometimes when I book a dr appt for myself and also one of my children, I say my name and then they say, oh is your child also 'insert surname' and I say no they are 'insert their surname'. That's about it! It's not uncommon these days so I don't think people even think twice and if they do I couldn't care
Not one issue at all. I'd never change my name for anyone but am happy for my children to have their dads surname. Ive never understood the name change. But each to their own