To the one who got away.

To the one who got away. You may snicker at the thought of me referring to you as that. You may grin at the thought that you still cross my mind, although I have reason for both these. You will tell anyone who will listen "she took the kids and left whilst I wasn't home" "she left me" "she ruined this family" and boy, at the time, I worked in robot mode and it's now that you need to realise, I didn't run away from the father to my children, I didn't run away from a man I fell in love with, I didn't run away from the man I promised to spend the rest of my life with, the man who I made dreams and plans with, the one I wanted by my side as I succeeded! HE RAN AWAY FROM ME. He found some drugs and after that day I could never find him,
I found a shell of him, of some horrible demon telling me I wasn't aloud to work, aloud to study, who pushed me around and who told me the excuses I'd have to say to people who asked about my discoloured skin! A horrible, mean stranger living in my home around my children, scaring them, scaring me! Breaking all our things, threatening me, calling me names that I never imagined someone calling me. I couldn't wear a dress and I wasn't aloud to have make up on if I left the house.
I ran to a man who was never like that. I ran away from a stranger who lived in my home and took over the
Mind, body and soul of someone I once loved. That's now you, it took me a very long time to accept that, although you were two different people, you were also the same person, and I was never going to get the original back. But that's okay, because back then,
I didn't know what was waiting for me,
I didn't know just how much I could truly love myself aswell as someone else, and now, well now I own a home with a fantastic man, I get encouraged to succeed and work and study! I get told daily how beautiful I am and I watch my kids love and trust another man,
I get to sleep in on Saturdays and I wake up to giggles and coffee in the morning, and now, with another baby on he way, i honestly could not feel more complete. You were the one who got away, the one who left long before I did, and for that I can not fight through my pride and wish you well, I can however wish you no bad,
Because you do cross my mind, a lot, not because I miss you, or care for you really, because sometimes when I get ready for the day and I look at myself and I compliment myself, I can't help but smile and realise how far I've come. Every time I push myself to do better, be better, I smile, because without such soul crushing experiences you gave me, I couldn't have pushed myself as far as I have. I still wonder about the day the kids really want to know about you and what happened, and when that day comes, I'll look for you if they ask, but for now, I'm rocking this parenting gig without you around and I have Amazing children to prove it.

You all may wonder why I wrote this, he won't read it, but someone will, someone who is scared, lost, empty. There is light, there is such amazing bright light out of that tunnel, and you will get there, one day and one step at a time.

Domestic violence is NEVER okay.