I've spent my childhood alone growing up on the streets after being removed by the courts from my adoptive family. I'm one of those kids that slipped through the cracks.
In 2004 I finally found my biological mother and I have a good relationship with my sisters and mum and I have plenty more I've never met. They live in a different state I'm separated from my ex have been for years we have five kids one is an adult.
While I was still with ex I constantly expressed my wishes that I needed to be closer to them. At the time he work for a company that basically was Australia wide and he always mentioned that he'd put in for transfer. But never did in the end saying he couldn't leave his family or friends.
Fast forward to this last year I made plans to drive up to visit my family with the kids since he demanded to change his assess weeks through the school holidays saying it was easier for him to have the first week of each one. No skin of my nose so I agreed that was the beginning of last year.
A week before we were supposed to leave he changed weeks on me our trip thrown out the window. I haven't seen my mum in seven years I only see one sister once a year and that's because she comes down here. Three of the kids have expressed they want to move up there get to know my side of the family.
Is it selfish that I want to leave too I'm not happy here I'm totally alone except for my kids. I have no support and the phone just isn't the same I need them. But now the kids are saying it's unfair that they only know his side of the family.I so much want to be up there but I don't want to interfere with his relationship with them but I don't want to go without my kids.
2 Replies
How hard would it be to send the kids back to him on school holidays if you moved to be with your family?
My sister's ex moved states and they both agreed that because he left the state he would pay for plane tickets for their kids when it is school holidays. If he didn't organise the tickets then the kids didn't go. Could you afford to send your kids back to see him? Or if it is driving distance would he meet you half way? Or could you drive them back and forth each holidays? It depends on how accommodating he is with it all.
At age 12, my nephew could decide if he wanted to see his dad or not and my sister couldn't force him as he was old enough to decide for himself.
If they are all older (mid teens) then I'm pretty sure if you and them want to move then he can't stop you, it's only when they are little that he gets that choice.
If they have a good relationship, that shouldn't change. They can call, skype, etc. I would be more focused on the fact your kids are the ones wanting to move too.
If his work is Australia wide, then he can pop in, whenever he is in your area. If he doesn't want to leave his family and friends, why should you? Why do you always have to be the one to compromise, to go without, to make peace? Do it for you for once, only a day at a time to live you know, may as well be out with your fam bam, enjoying it!