No matter what I do she just won't listen. I've tried time outs, a smack, ignoring her behaviour, taking toys, not allowing her to do something she wants and anything else I can think of. I'm at a loss and I'm over it, I feel defeated and as horroble as it sounds I don't enjoy being around her anymore. I just don't know what to do.
6 Replies
This is the trick that worked for me.
I go up get eye contact, make the demand eg 'get your shoes'.
I count to three in my head and if they haven't done it I repeat the command and physically take her to get her shoes.
They quickly realise it's faster to just do what you said. If I'm not prepared to follow through and make them do it I don't give the command because it just makes my other requests worthless.
I found time outs, smacking, punishing etc useless because it didn't teach the child what I wanted them to DO all it did was teach them I was pissed off. It didn't teach them how to change there behaviour.
When she follows a demand the first time without being taken to do it praise the shit out of her!
I have been getting down to her level and asking, I also help her to the task she has been asked to do. I can't take my eyes off her for 1 second as she will just get into anything and everything.
Here's how you fix this: realise that a 3.5 year old is not capable of listening like an adult. Their little brains simply are not developed to do this yet - it has a lot more growing to do. A child of this age is not willfully and maliciously ignoring you. Once you let them off the hook a bit, you can find ways to help them.
Don't just bark demands at your child, touch her on the shoulder, get her attention and then ask for her help. Tell her what you want her to do. Expect that you will need to repeat yourself. Remember that this is not a little adult you are dealing with. She's a child and needs your help and guidance to learn. It's hard, it's frustrating but coming at it from a different angle feels refreshing and more positive.
I don't just bark commands at her! I make sure she is looking at me and I have her attention. She just doesn't want to listen. I can explain 100 times and she will just ignore me!!
My daughter was the worst listener ever at that age! And it lasted a long time. She's five now and starting to get better.
First of all I really understand how frustrated you feel. It can be really hard.
Second, we always need to remind ourselves just how young 3 is. They do so much independently now that we forget just how young they are. They aren't doing it on purpose, it's just that every thing else is more interesting.
I found positive reinforcement is the only thing that worked. Sticker charts were a winner.
It took years, but it does get better. Punishment doesn't really work here because they don't get what they are doing wrong
Read a book titled "How to talk so kids will Listen and Listen so kids will talk"….. It's BRILLIANT!!! Used it when I was a nanny. It's all in cartoons…. It's such an easy read! Elaine someone and Elisabeth someone wrote it I think. Blue cover.