I am so broken.
Its a huge long story.
So I have 3 kids. Partner has 2. We have one together.
We have recently got his kids more. Week about.
We moved house and we moved schools.
My son refused to move with us and moved in with his dad.
The school trip (school is close to mum) takes 45 mins each way.
I am falling apart. All of a sudden I feel like I have them 50/50,
Dh does nothing.
I am starting to resent everything.
I want my son back.
I treat his kids the same as mine. I do all the homework, showering, lunches, breakfast etc etc.
Last night it all hit the fan. He has had a week off so he has been doing the school drop offs and pick ups.
He went mad yelling at me that he was helping me by doing it..I went to bed. Was up all night feeding the baby. So I woke him and asked him to do the school run as I had about an hour sleep.
He went off at me. I do nothing .. He should be allowed to sleep in and not have to help me.
I was in tears... He called me stupid.
I bit back and said in all fairness they are his kids and its a team effort.
So he left and didn't speak to me.
Just now he was being nice again ... Then pretended to choke me. I got upset and told him he scared me, So now he is mad at me like really mad. Said he is so hurt that i would be scared of him and how he is so disappointed in me as a person.
I told him to be very careful as he is being emotionally abusive... I have every right to feel what I feel.
He told me I should leave but I wont get the baby as he willl tell everyone I have anxiety and depression.
Please help.
8 Replies
Firstly he won't get the baby because you have depression or anxiety. That's a load of bullshit.
I feel like I don't have any useful advice but I just wanted to say stay strong. And you got this mama
Definite emotional abuse. He is showing his true colours. He is a good old fashioned mysoginist!
Time to be making plans to go. I'd just do it when he isn't home. He has shown who he is and how he will play when things don't go his way so a confrontation is pointless.
Depression and anxiety is often used as a threat in these cases to scare you in to staying. Textbook threat. Dick move and it won't stop you keeping the baby. BTW if you did leave the baby (not that you should) with him he'd be overwhelmed and over it.
I reckon I've dated guys like yours. They don't really look for a partner they look for free child care with benefits.
Wow hes a breakdown to deal with. Thats your life partner? One thing i know for sure is nobody will buy what he tells them and those are threats to stop you because he knows hes got nothing so he wants to control you into getting what he wants.
You have the power, he needs you much more than you need him and he knows it. You are his free childcare, he will do anything to keep you, leave, you have all the power and don't forget it. The other stuff may just be anger, but threatening to keep the baby like that, he has absolutely crossed the line and revealed who he is. Time to run.
I agree with these other posters. Get the fuck out now!!
P.s. He won't attempt to keep my YOUR child, he's already proved he can't be bothered with the kids.
I've been told by several professionals that having anxiety and depression WILL NOT effect your custody of babies and children! Not unless you were at severe risk of hurting yourself or others.
My ex pulled all that crap! Do not buy into it, its a load of bullshit.
When you know you feel frightening, its time to go. Be strong. Dont settle for someone who treats you like crap xoxox
Kelly here, from The Imperfect Mum team.
My heart broke reading your question. We normally post in order - but I believe you need to hear responses asap. Have scheduled your question for Monday, 9am, and I hope it helps.
Here for you
xKelly
Kelly, I don't know if you will read this....but thank you so much. It sure helped to read the replies.
I had a chat to him about how he made me feel and he suggested counselling. I called panda and also the dv number someone suggested.
I am going to see my own counsellor without him as I think I need to be away from him to see this in my own light.
Thank you for the support. It is so appreciated.
To all that we worried.... I promise you I will leave if there is even a whisper of this crappy behaviour. Now that you have all made me realise that I wont lose my bubba and that I am in an abusive situation.
I can tell you all this is 100% real and was such a cry for help. You all really gave me so much strength. Thank you.