I'm thinking of travelling somewhere in Europe alone, no kids, no husband just time for me and to discover who I am. We got married young had 3 kids in 4.5 years and after being diagnosed with depression, anxiety and borderline personatly disorder I feel like I've lost who I am and who I wanted to be before I was a mum. The trip would at most be 3 weeks including travel time and I know kids (age at time of travel 6,4 and 2.5) would be fine with my husband and parents (both his and mine) but I'm feeling selfish for even considering it, I have always wanted to see Europe and finically we wouldn't be able to do it as a family or even just hubby and I for a very long time but doing it on my own while expensive can be done. If given the opportunity would any other mums leave there kids in safe hands to do something completely selfish or am
I a terrible mother for even considering this?
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9 Replies
DEFINITELY NOT SELFISH! It is important to have you time and it sounds like this is something that would be great for you to discover yourself.
I would even suggest looking into doing Australia and touring things you've never seen, go hiking and canoeing in Tassie, visit Uluru, find landmarks you weren't aware of. Something that keeps you close to "home" and "heart"!
Not selfish, do it!!!!
Yes, I have done this. Both My parents do this and my sisters do this.
Self care is necessary!
Just because you have kids doesn't mean you can't be a person in your own right.
My son was 8 when I left him home with dad and I travelled interstate to spend a week over Christmas with my friend who couldn't afford to come home, and because of this had volunteered to work the holiday rosters. I chose to spend a grand on getting my ass there to keep her company (and OMG what a fucking ball we had!) instead of staying home for the holidays. Bad mum!
I've spent weekends going to festivals, museums, art galleries (once I flew to ACT to see a collection I've only dreamed of seeing and spent 5 glorious alone days wandering the city), concerts for my grown up time - weekends because we live in regional QLD so it's a stay at a motel to do anything substantially worthwhile. Am I selfish because of it. Well I don't know, maybe so but I tell you what, I don't sit wishing there was something more to my life or lamenting being "just a mum". I have regrets but I don't regret that week with my friend, or the multitudes of weekends spent seeing and doing non mum things, I work too damn hard to watch the years go by not fulfilling some dreams.
I've always wanted to go to Europe. When I was younger I couldn't afford it, now I have $25K saved for it but don't feel I can leave work for long enough to enjoy it just yet :( If you have the opportunity do it, your kids are meant to complement your life, not own it.
Go!!! And don't listen to the martyrs going on about 'oh I couldn't do that, not without my hubby n kids' oh please, get a life! We are still a separate individual person, a woman in fact. I hear you. I felt like my identity was lost, caring for special needs kids and MH issues myself.
It is essential as a care giver to take time out regularly, especially when life is like wading through concrete at times. If hubby is on board and has both grandies to help out, what are you waiting for? Pack that bag now! ?????
Yes!! This!! :-D
Do it, I did it in January. PM me:-) I've got a 3 and 5 year old. 14 days and 7 countries:-)
Do it, I did it in January. PM me:-) I've got a 3 and 5 year old. 14 days and 7 countries:-)
Oh wow you should do it!! I totally understand that you need to fulfil yr dream & achieve this goal/desire, you will absolutely live with resentment & regret if you don't!
I've desperately wanted to go to Europe for 20yrs or so, my hubby knew & knows this, I went all over as 11yr old with my parents & siblings & have wanted to go back - have specified it down to be Italy, Switzerland & France as my dream/ideal/necessary trip lol, unfortunately I'm stuck with a crap, controlling, non- travelling husband who has fobbed me off over the yrs (in our early marriage before kids - "yes we'll go to USA & Disneyland when we've saved up & you've lost weight" but never kept his word), then has a massive plane phobia that he can't/won't do anything about so is disinterested in flying, then decided that we should travel in our *retirement* rather than my ideas/requests to go while we're still 'young & fit etc' .... Faaaaar Out!!! Of course we now have 3kids (10 - 17yrs old now) & I've always taken them on holidays interstate etc, have not had a break from them cos husband works 6days/wk as labourer on 'casual' so doesnt get holiday pay & is bound to his money & job, I just haven't had the luxury of more than a local night off in motel to myself. I hate him for his restrictions on me & his refusal to help me live my dreams (especially as my dream includes a husband to accompany me, to want to share the adventures & experiences with me!
So if I could, I would - but now have older kids & they would definitely want to go but is so much more cost, & I'd feel bad about going without them or bad about choosing 1 to accompany me. And so I also hate the fact it is still unable to be done:( :'(