I've never really had any feelings towards abortion. Ive always personally believed that it's circumstantial. But when women just aren't careful enough, not using the right protection and decide to have an abortion, I've felt that's irresponsible on their part. How could they kill a precious creature growing inside them when there are women who have tried and tried? I was judgmental.
I am very close to someone who has tried for many years with no success. Her and her husband have just stopped the IVF process as they are well into their 40's now. I've seen the heartbreak. I couldn't understand how a perfectly capable women would give up a baby.
But now comes my story.
I'm now one of those women who feel pregnant irresponsibly. I gave birth 10 weeks ago to our last child. And I'm not breastfeeding, and I'm not on contraception. Why? Because it's tough going out with a newborn and because hubby and I were 'being careful'.
Now, we are faced with a decision. Physically, mentally and emotionally, I am NOT ready for another one! I had an emergency c-section 10 weeks ago! Financially, yeah we could survive (just), but we would definitely need a massive lifestyle change, we would need new cars, a bigger house etc. And how about my other babies? It was already tough on my eldest, who was the centre of everyone's world for the first 7 years of life! They have just really settled into being a big sibling. Hubby and I have also had to adjust, adding our new precious bundle into our family. I'm planning on going back to work in a few short months!
There are so many reasons why this shouldn't have happened, but it has!
Now I am faced with the questions that the women I have quietly judged have asked. What should I do? How can I do it? I just can't have this baby? Adoption is there, but I personally couldn't do it for many reasons. I wouldn't only be giving away my child, id be giving away a sibling, a grandchild, a niece/nephew, a cousin.
This is not a post to ask 'what should I do' because only my husband and I can decide that. This is a post to tell those other mums in these situations, who have faced judgment and pain, that I understand now. I understand the pain you have, I understand it's the hardest decision to make. I understand what you have faced. Yes, I was irresponsible, I should have KNOWN better. I just should have known better, but it happened. And now I am faced with these questions, with the judgment I've had for others, with the pain and hurt that comes with any abortion.
I understand now and I'm sorry.
8 Replies
yep!
I'd also like to add to your post that those who say why don't you adopt the baby out instead. Well, there are a hell of a lot of reasons adoption isn't as easy as you make it sound. There are a lot of lessons learned from adoptions past and they are not the panacea you think it is.
I was in a similar position to you, but I have 3 kids. I decided at 5 weeks to abort and it is the biggest mistake of my life. I have nightmares, I had it done sugically. I didn't give myself enough time to really think about it. I got horribly sick and was bed ridden from the pregnancy. All I can say is pls make sure u are sure if you do abort. Take time to think it through.. Big hugs xx
Wow I had no idea you could get pregnant so soon! I was breastfeeding my 1st and we didn't use protection until I stopped BF and my period came back...yikes! In saying that I have been so strict on protection after our 2nd because I do not know if I want a 3rd, definitely not now but maybe not ever.
Anyway, it sounds like you're leaning to abortion and you're right, it's only a decision you and your hubby can have. After reading the above post, I would suggest waiting until hormones aren't as crazy (as they usually are in the first few months) and ensure you are making a clear decision, which I'm sure you are going to. Maybe see a psychologist to ensure you're in the right frame of mind?
If it were me, I would abort, my view is that it doesn't start forming into a foetus until 12 weeks so the sooner the better. Why bring a child into this world that really isn't wanted? You risk stress, post natal depression, financial hardship etc. In doing it you face possible psychological distress but that really depends on the type of person you are so that's why I suggested seeing a psychologist.
Don't you wish it was as easy as giving it to your friend who had many IVF fails? But it's not that easy is it.
Whatever you do, I wish you and your husband all the best in making that tough decision. Big hugs :)
There is a reason the nurses and doctors ask about contraception before you leave the hospital with a new baby. Well at least that's what they did when I had my son, you basically left hospital with a script.
I've just fallen pregnant using IVF. This must be a really hard decision for you.
Please make sure you and your husband seriously think about this and make the right decision for the both of you.
Your oldest Child will adapt to being a big brother yet again. Your work place can not sack you for falling pregnant again if that's what you're worried about. It will be hard but the two young ones will be the closest of siblings. This will be baby number 4 for me and 1 for my OH. There's going to be almost 11,9 and 4 years in age difference for my children. I have no idea how it will be for you being so close together but I know it will be an adventure if you do keep it. Good Luck Mumma with what ever you decide!!
Congrats, it's always great to hear a positive IVF story xxx
Congratulations :)
I wish you all the best!
My sister got pregnant whilst breastfeeding, her period had not returned yet and when she found out she was about 18 weeks (she had the baby)!! It is common, happens more than you think, this crap about breastfeeding being a contraception is just that, crap! Her first was not as young as yours though. Good luck, I really feel for you, you just do what is right for your little family and we all judge at some point, don't feel bad for that, just do better next time.