Hi,
I don't really know where to start. Approximately 2 days ago I had a scan which confirmed my second child no longer has a heartbeat. I think I knew in my heart something was wrong. I am naturally a worrying kind of person, so I just thought my concerns where in my head. My doctor reassured me, as did my husband, my mum, my friends. I'd had scans to check earlier. I had just gotten over the fear and announced to my Facebook friends. Literally a week later I'm faced with this news. I feel sick, my heart aches in some unexplainable way, and I keep thinking, am I overreacting? Is it normal to feel this much grief? The baby was 15 weeks. Shouldn't I just be grateful I still have my beautiful daughter? I've barely slept. I did some research and I've just been overthinking everything. I have pregnant friends, how are they going to react? Are they going to just avoid me thinking they're doing me a favour? I've told like three people outside of my immediate family. My best friend, my boss and a friend I work with. I haven't been contacted again by any of those people. My best friend has barely said anything. I guess it hurts because I have been there for and through every hard time in her life. While I do have my husband supporting me, he's also just trying to keep our little girl occupied and oblivious to how sad I am right now. That's ok with me. I looked up how long you have to wait after the surgery procedure until you can try again and then I just felt so guilty. I haven't had the surgery yet, I still have this baby inside me and I'm thinking about the next? Am I a monster? Then I think, no, my family still wants to add another child, of course I want to know how long it takes so I can get my head around it. I just keep rationalising these thoughts in my head but then going back to thinking I'm the shittest human in the universe. Don't really know what I'm asking. My emotions are so mixed. I'm so confused on how I'm supposed to feel and cope. I keep thinking it could be worse, but it doesn't feel like it could be right now. This hurts in a whole special way. I feel really alone.
4 Replies
Biggest hugs mumma - just posted your question and hope the responses help xKelly
https://www.facebook.com/Theimperfectmum/posts/1555938054472819
Oh honey, I'm so sorry! 15 weeks is an awful time to lose a baby! You just start to feel confident, you've just gone through awful sickness and now this!
I have lost 2 before my daughter, and I am now 16 weeks with our 2nd. I have felt nothing but panicked the whole time.
My biggest thing with miscarriage now is that I think everyone should talk about it more. Don't be afraid to tell anyone and everyone (if you want to that is). Create awareness, grieve, talk until you are blue in the face!!
You are not selfish for wanting to try again, you were expecting a child in 25 weeks! Try as soon as you feel ready!!
I'm so sorry for your loss!
I've recently had a misscarriage also! your not a monster for wanting to know when your able to begin trying again! I would advise to greive for the loss of your baby before trying again, Having said that my doctor told me to give my body 2 normal periods before trying again if we wanted to.
Let your emotions guide you cry when you need to let your husband hold you when you need him to. I told my sister in law about the loss and when I need to talk to her I let her know because she did not know how to help me and did t want to be intrusive, so she gave me space which was ok but I felt like I needed her. Ask for the support of your choosen friends or family if you need it. It's hard, sounds like you have a supportive husband which is fantastic.
Sounds like you might be still in shock, please be kind with your self.
Sending you lots of love ?
I'm so sorry for your loss!!!! Miscarriage is awful no matter how far along you are ! And it is more then ok to grief and also more then ok to hope for a future child !!!!
Miscarriage can be really hard to talk about for other people ! No body really knows how to talk about it . Your baby is real , your baby mattered ! Your baby is all of your dreams and your hopes for your family ! Your loss is real !
If your having trouble with the emotional stuff I'd suggest you try seeing a grief counselor ! They understand the kinds of emotions you are feeling and can help you understand your thoughts and hopefully stop attacking yourself for the way you feel !!
From another mummy who has also had a miscarriage and still 5years and 2 other children later still wonder what that baby would have looked like and what kind of personality they may have had . It's ok to acknowledge and name ur baby and it's ok to grieve !!! Allow your self some time for that . As for re trying . Do that when both you And ur husband are ready to - be open with each other about where your at . There is no 'perfect time ' - drs will advise some healing time for your body after this baby has left your womb - use that time to grieve and heal and enjoy ur daughter - and try when u want to . Xo