Sisters ? I'm desperate for some sort of reassurance. Bit of a back story. I lost my parents recently, to heroin overdose. Something I'm struggling SO hard to deal with. I found my mum dead while I was pregnant she died from an accidental overdose then my dad committed suicide by overdose a short time later because he couldn't live without her. This haunts me every single day. Four months ago I was diagnosed with post natal depression, PTSD, depression and anxiety. I was prescribed a pretty heavy anti depressant which I have to take at night because it knocks me out completely - though other than that sideaffect, this medication is amazing! I went from suicidal to "normal" again after just three weeks of taking it. Since I've been taking this medication my partner has been waking at night with our 7mo son. He wakes generally once for a bottle but if he's teething or unwell he may wake more often. I've tried putting the monitor rite beside my ear but I hear nothing. My partner has tried waking me but I don't wake easily so he leaves me because "I must need the sleep if it's so hard to wake me". He works Monday to Friday 8am-4pm. I'm struggling with some pretty chronic guilt for this. I'm considering stopping the medication so my partner doesn't have to keep getting up every night with our son. I'm scared I'm going to go downhill mentally but I'm also scared I'm putting too much pressure on my partner expecting him to get up every night. He says he's ok with it but I know it's wearing him down and I'm absolutely torn on what to do. Or what to think. Is it ok for my partner to be waking every night? Then going to work! HELP
8 Replies
Oh my gosh I am so sorry that happened to you!
You are definitely NOT a terrible mum! Us mums do this every night no matter whether we work or not with no thank you because it's just what we're meant to do so I don't see why men should be any different?
You have been through something very horrific and yes it is completely ok for your partner to be helping you any way he can.
Big hugs to you xx
I was on medication like that as a single mum, luckily my son didn't wake during the night, but when he was sick, there was some tough nights. Don't stop the medication, especially if it is working. I also found over time, my body adjusted to the medication and I could wake easier. Could you possibly take half dose on weekends and let your partner have a really good sleep in? Even if your partner has some long naps over the weekend, could you take your son out so your partner has an empty hpuse to watch tv and dose? Please work around it, your mental health should be the priority, especially since all you have been through. There is absolutely no need for guilt.
No its what you need so keep on it. But appreciate the hard work your husband is doing amd you can support him and make it easier , so roles are reversed - he gets all the naps, he gets dinners made and laundry done and doesnt do chores he just rests. Can you drive him to work in the morning or pick him up? Let him sleep in both weekend days and let him reat one day and you plan and organise something relaxing you can all go out and do together on the other. and tell him hes doing amazing and you appreciate him.
AND dont forget youre working under the hardest conditions for now with a newborn, so do whatever you can totake the pressure off you both. Anything that makes it that bit easier - get shopping delivered, get takeaway, pay to get your yard mowed, let all the small things go.
The important thing is to work together and support each other, feeling guilt and sabotaging yourself wont help any of you in the long run.
OMG do not stop taking that medication. Your husband goes to work all day, and so you need to be able to function during the day by looking after a 7 month old. There is absolutely nothing wrong with your partner getting up to the baby.
There are ways to say thank you, and give your husband breaks in other areas. Many single mums (myself included) did two years of night time wake ups and going to work the next day. So yeah it's hard, but it would be so much harder for your husband if you stopped taking your medication.
Is there a family friend or another relative who can give your partner an over night break once a month or so. My sisters and I often took it in turns doing this to give each other breaks. I had a few sleepovers at my sisters house and did the nights wake ups for a few nights. My sister and husband were there so if buns got distressed I could get them but it didn't happen. I was more than able to give a bottle and resettle my nephew.
You sound like you have a wonderfully supportive partner. You are most definitely not a bad mum.
How amazing is your partner!?! That's what he is for, to pick you up and take over when you need to focus on you. He's got your back!!!
I'm sure it would wear him down if it was for years, but let's face it, your son won't wake forever.
Worry about getting yourself okay and then you can take back over on night duty, doesn't make you a bad mum at all ❤️
Your husband works 8am - 4pm, Mon - Fri - gosh he's got it easy compared to other men/dads who work longer hrs & 6days a week! My hubby getting up at 4.30am & not getting home till 5-6pm & occasional Saturday work, is the norm!!
He may need to be going to bed earlier (like 9pm lol still not too early) to cope with the broken sleep at the mo, but then he's getting lots of hrs in bed cos probably not up till 7am?!
I think its great you are keen to help & support him, just remember he is a dad & rightfully involved with his son as a parent & partner, go easy on yourself during this recovery time of what You need to look after you, which will help you be best mum & partner you can be.
I lost my brother to a heroin overdose , January 2015, the beginning of my year of hell, I had already lost my mom and step father who raised me at all 11 & 20, then I lost my brother, dog I had for ten years, grandmother, stepmom, cat of three years, great uncle, stepmom, bio dad and uncle in 14 months. I think hell may be earth after that year. My husband definitely had me that year. He handled the kids, besides me homeschooling, while he went to school, handled me during the out of town trips and handled every one of the burials and planning and cleaning out houses and everything else right by my side. If he says he has it, mumma, let him help you!