Every time the ex fails to be there for his son.. First day at school, parent teacher interviews, Easter etc. (he made other plans with his new family)..
I feel so angry at him.. I know I can't force him to be his "dad"...
The ex got furious that I missed one phone call in the last 4yrs. ( had phone on silent and he just calls when ever it suits him)...
I get so worked up and upset.. He doesn't see how things effect his son.. Just over feeling like this..
He won't talk to me about any thing concerning his son and we are about to go to mediation.. How do I stop feeling like this?? It's more that I feel so sad and hurt for our son.. he is the one that misses out on those special times with his dad.. Like I did!
How do I stop being so angry?
How do I stop being so angry?
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Loss & Grief
3 Replies
Firstly, it's tough when someone keeps hurting your child and you can't do anything about it. Being angry gets in the way of lots of things (I find it really hard to think straight when I'm angry). When I'm angry about something I'm often not angry but underneath sad and hurt! I try and acknowledge the underneath feeling and sit with that feeling rather than let myself get angry. Some counselling to give yourself an appropriate outlet probably would be a good idea.
Sometimes you have to find a way to let go of that anger and hurt. I know it all to well, but I also have learnt how to let go of it on the odd occasion when it does cross my mind. Maybe seeing a counsellor will help you find your technique how to do it.
You aren't alone. I've just been forced to stop doing everything to ensure my son saw his father. I don't particularly care if my ex sees my son, except that my son absolutely adores his father, to the point where he cried at me when I had to pick him up from kindy because his father "couldn't". I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety, which has lessened significantly since I've started making him do his share of the calls and transport.
The only thing I can suggest: figure out a way to make yourself care less. Not that your son misses out, but that he has a deadbeat father. You can't make him be a better father, and trying can only harm your relationship with your son.
I've had to take a step back, and now my sons father is solely responsible for his share of my sons raising.
(Ps I'm very much not happy with my ex, however I play nice because I adore my son. And by play nice I mean I will act as though he is a friend rather than someone to hate and pity and ignore as I'd like to. It's not at all easy, but my son is happy and that's worth it all)