I have a step child who by her own choices wants nothing to do with her family. Dad and I have been invited to her 18th birthday and no idea what is an appropriate amount to give her as a present. We do pay roughly $200 a week in child support each week and will continue to do until the end of the year. We are hoping that some of that is going to her...but this is unknown. So unsure of what would be an appropriate amount to give??
18th gift for stepchild who chooses to have nothing to do with immediate family
18th gift for stepchild who chooses to have nothing to do with immediate family
Posted in:
Parenthood Guilt, Teenagers, Tips and Advice, Money
13 Replies
If she voluntarily wants nothing to do with you, don't go over the top.
If she doesn't already have one, a pandora bracelet. Then you always have a gift idea for future presents. (A new charm).
Or just give her $100 cash. It's a lot of money, but not excessive. And I nice sentimental card.
I'd get a present, not cash. Something like jewellery is perfect.
Wether the child receives the child support directly or not, is not important. The child is absolutely benefitting from that money. That money contributes to the child's expenses, it doesn't cover all the child's expenses. Wether the child receives that money in the form of cash, clothes, entertainment, medical expenses, schooling expenses or pocket money is irrelevant.
Forget about the money. Let her dad give her a simple piece of jewellery and you send her a bottle of wine or box of chocolates and a card that says youre so proud and its such a special occassion and youre always hoping you can work it out. Its not about money but the thought.
All family or just you guys?
If she has decided to have nothing to do with you why are you invited to her 18th? Sounds like just for gifts and money.
This might be a very timely reminder for her now that she's an adult that this isn't how life works, you either include people in your life or you don't, not just when it's convenient. From me it would be a beautiful card, with "I hope we can work together at some stage to rebuild our relationship" and a scratchie or a lotto ticket.
I wouldnt assume its for gifts and money. My first thought is that its an 18th and his kids party so its the right thing to do for whoever is throwing the party to invite her parents to be there.
Not sure about that, when somebody makes a conscious and deliberate decision to exclude people from their life I wouldn't think anyone else would have the right to override that, 18th birthday or not.
I've excluded family from my life completely and absolutely including my father. This would be akin to someone else inviting him to my son's 18th, my 40th birthday, my wedding if I were to get married. Not only would he be removed but the person doing the inviting would be next on the exclusion list.
Either way I was under the impression said daughter may have done the inviting hence my reply, I see after reading it again it doesn't actually stipulate who was in charge of invites.
I agree if it was an adult throwing their own party. Theres a difference between an adult excluding someone from their life for permanently and a child still living at home not speaking to their parent. I can see why other family members might feel its right to invite him. But yes, we can only guess how its happened
I found the post confusing, I wish the op would clarify!
Just wanted to answer some questions for everyone. The soon to be 18 year old has specifically asked for $$$. She has also planned this party and Unsure ourselves why we have been invited.
She made the choice many years ago to stop contact with us.
And very correct it's definitely not about child support. I only included that as it's quite difficult to come up with a large some of money gift when still paying big $$ each week.
Hope this helps and you can help me figure out what to do. Thanks in advance.
A card and a keepsake gift if her dad wants to. No money. Shes cut you off!
It would depend on the vibe and her intentions. Is this her reaching out to you and do you want the gift to be the start of you guys reconnecting? Or is it a quick money grab because she feels entitled? If it's a money grab, I wouldn't give money and if it's a genuine attempt to reconnect, I would go for something very special, meaningful and thoughtful that is personal to her.
'We' pay child support? No, your partner, her father, pays child support, and the fact he pays approx. $200 a week, would indicate he's not on struggle street.
I'm wondering why she cut her father out of her life, was he absent, or was it a toxic situation? Did he reach out, has he asked her why now, is she reaching out?
Forget about what he thinks she owes him. How much would he spend on any of his children when they turn 18, including the cost of throwing a party? Maybe he needs to talk to HIS daughter....
I think $500 - $1000 is reasonable
I found the comments quite interesting with all the blame on the child. I wonder what drives a child to not want contact with their father? Without knowing the full story, it is really hard to say what I would do.