I'm not sire if this is just me venting, or searching for advice. Nearly every afternoon my husband drinks what I feel is excessively. He will seek out others to drink with, I feel to justify that he is doing it, or he will stay outside (in the shed) away from me and our children and continue til he has had his fill. I can ask repeatedly for him to come inside and he always says "yep, coming" but very rarely within an acceptable timeframe. I'm always with our kids, taking them to parties, friends places to play with other kids, I do it all and it gets thrown back at me. He'll say "well you are out socialising so why can't I?" But to me it's not the same. At least my time is spent with my children for their enrichment. He has a problem with alcohol, this is evident and I am sick to death of reading sites that tell me "never argue with them while they are drunk, don't shame them, there is a deeper issue, blah blah...." Where is my support? I'm stuck. I hate it. I'm not coping and I want out but can't seem to do it. I have no family close by, my entire support network is his family and though they can see the issue, do zero to help, to advise or support where I am coming from in any way shape or form. I'm tired of feeling like I'm the asshole. Everything that is wrong is my fault. Perhaps I expect too much, perhaps I don't deserve better. But I know my kids do. I wish I knew what to do or say to make him realise we are worth more.
3 Replies
I think you are reading the wrong info. Yeah, don't try and discuss things with him while he is drinking, you won't get through, and just creates more drama than it's worth, but that's doesn't mean you can't take the bull by the horns and give him the ultimatum. Your kids and you can ot afford to go down with his ship.
You need to be clear and cut and dry. No you won't stay with him while he is drinking. He gets help or you separate.
You are already raising the kids on your own, so you've got that big sorted. Sit down and make a plan for your finances and how to leave. If you need emotional support your GP can refer you to services. I needed a counsellor to really help me break free.
Hi, that advice is good advice. You dont argue with a drunk person - you leave. Youre not having a meaningful relationship with him. Youre not having your needs met. You tell him you ask him you explain, then you do what you need to do to look after yourself. You definitely do deserve better. Better wouls be doing it alone and looking for a real connection and support rather than doing it alone with a drunk in the shed and a ton of anger and resentment on your shoulders.
Could have written this myself, except for he doesn't seek others to drink with. What I find the hardest and so disrespectful is when you know they have been drinking but lie to your face.