I was married for 13 years separated from my husband ( we have 4 children) domestic violence involved I have soul custody of my children
I met my new partner 6 months ago we moved into together within a month he is my soul mate my everything it was a love I've never felt before in my life with the exception of my children
my partner has 3 kids he hasn't seen for 3 years his ex has terminal brain cancer had surgery to remove it and they took a large portion of her brain and has sent the kids to him they have come down to us except he is living back at his parents with them ive met the children they are beautiful dead ringers for their dad they have come to us under weight sick and very clingy which Is understandable his kids ages are 6,5,3 one with autism
They loved the attention the love the affection the warm arms for a cuddle from me I think they have missed out on slot of that in the past due to their mum being sick they said that their mums boyfriend used to hurt them
we are both gently working through there issues yes we are taking it slow and working out what is best for all involved mainly the 7 kids we now have we have done the meeting of me and we have worked out how to get the kids to meet I guess I'm asking how do u make it all work or gel ?
We have the same parenting style we have the same outlooks on life we have the same end goal we have the same intentions we are on the same page I'm just would like to hear other people's thoughts ?
I could ramble on for hours but I don't really want to go to in depth on everything
1 Replies
My advice is take it very slow for all the children.
His kids have a lot of trauma and probably a lot that hasn't been expressed yet.
His priority and yours should be getting his kids psychological, emotional, medical needs seen to as top priority. The child with ASD probably has missed out on a lot of necessary supports. So getting peadiatrician, OT, child psychologist and speech therapy up and running.
As to merging the families, slowly will get you where you want to be faster. Yes get the kids to meet on neutral ground, perhaps at a playground and then go home to your respective homes. You need to do that many many times. Then you can catch up at either ors houses with everyone going home at the end of the meeting. Do that a number of times.
As everyone is getting to know each other some issues will arise. Do not ignore them. His kids need to get used to dads parenting style as they haven't been with Dad. So that's going to take some time.
When you get to the point of actually moving in you need to have a very good plan. Eg is it appropriate for kids to be sharing rooms. Does the child with ASD need there own room. How old are your kids, is someone about to hit puberty. Can you actually afford a big enough house to house all the kids fairly and without everyone killing each other. It's important to be practical. You can still be a family and live in separate homes.
Due to the kids backgrounds I would definitely be seeking professional advice moving forward. Kids that come from abusive backgrounds can display that in some downright frightening ways. So it's also important to make sure your kids are safe and protected and don't end up caught in any crossfire.