How to let go of someone horrible?

So, bare with me.. This is crazy long but I really hope you read it, I need to pull on the strength of stronger women.

I met a guy on POF just over a year ago. We hit it off like wild fire. We talked on the phone until 3am most nights for a few weeks before we met. When we met, he'd asked me what my favourite colour is. I told him green and he found a bunch of green flowers to bring me (and expensive chocolates). After that, he stayed over every night and eventually moved in when his work closed (he had been living at work) He had 5 kids, 4 to his ex wife and one he had as a teenager. I have a 6yo son and at the time, I had a 7yo foster son who I'd had for 6 months. I was full time at uni studying social work and I'd only just quit my part time job at an insurance company to concentrate on the kids more, cos my foster son was more than a handful and I was struggling with him. For his needs, my sons needs and my own. So when I met this man, it was like I finally had something for me. I thought he could eventually help me with my foster son, because he was experienced with kids (having had so many) and he told me the bike gang he belongs to, goes to rural towns to educate and inspire the indigenous youth who are struggling. He was going to organise his blue card... He had to get references etc because he had a record. He explained his record... He told me his ex-wife would beat him and when the cops came, she'd say it was him and cos he's big and islander/aboriginal, they'd believe her and he didn't want to dob in the mother of his children. He has a scare on his head where she hit him with a broken Jim Beam bottle. So I believed him.

He would do little things for me like plug my phone into the charger before he went to work, so it wouldn't die and I'd get his texts/calls. He'd call and text a lot. He'd cook a lot of seafood dinners and help me clean up. He'd put music on and slow dance with me, either on our own or even if we had visitors. He'd gush about me to his family... He told me he loved me early on and would explain it as 'when you know, you know.' He was funny and loud and our sex life was beyond amazing. He was generous and would make sure he bought groceries and take me out for breakfast or dinner. He'd cook for all my friends and family. He bought my mum flowers when he met her and my uncle a carton when he met him. He was OK with the kids, but a bit distant. My foster sons behavior got even worse. Then I found out I was pregnant. I have PCOS and it took 2 years of trying with my ex husband to conceive my son. I fell pregnant the first time we did it. At the time, I told him I wasn't on the pill, I have PCOS but its not impossible because I do have my son. He said he doesn't care- if it happens it happens, he wants to be with me forever.

I'd been single for 5years before i met him and I'd actually given up on love. I only went online because my 30th birthday was coming up and I told myself and my friends that if I was single on my 30th birthday, then I'd get IVF as a single mum, because I didn't want my son to be an only child and my foster son was going to live with his twin brother soon. I went online to give it one last shot before I totally gave up. And I met him.

When I told him I was pregnant, he asked me if I wanted it and still wanted to be together forever because he does. I said yes and we were happy. That lasted about 2 weeks, until it hit him. His other kids aged 8-18 didn't know about me. Him and his ex had never told or introduced new partners to their kids. When he'd told his ex wife about me, she lost it and would text him things that would either make him cry or make him angry. He didn't tell me what she'd said, but told me that its hard for him because they'd been together for 15 years. Later in our relationship, she told him she has a boyfriend and he hit our coffee table before tipping it over in rage.

Once my foster son went to live with his twin brother, we started looking for a house of our own, with room for his kids (on school holidays) and the baby, and closer to his new work in Rocklea (moved from north side of Brisbane) and it was down the road from his family, so they could help me with his kids while he's at work and our new baby. (He did eventually tell his kids about me, when I was 5 months pregnant and met them when they stayed for school holidays at 6 months pregnant) they were told about the baby then. The house we got together had to be in my name only, because he'd been black listed. He told me his ex caused damage on a house he wasn't living in, but his name was on the lease... I later found out that actually, in a fit of drunken rage, he'd smashed his sisters car into the garage door and didn't pay the damages...

He used to cry a lot about missing his kids (they lived in Mackay) and I somehow found myself paying for 5 flights.

The house was fully furnished with all the stuff I owned, and then we furnished a room for his kids and the baby. He didn't own anything but a bag of clothes and a car he sold to pay the kids flights back to Mackay and the fun stuff we did with them while they were down. I then had to drive us everywhere, including taking him to work etc. He also had lost his license for 2 years which was almost up when be got caught driving home from work one day not long before the kids arrived and lost it for another 2years.

When we moved into our new house, I noticed him treating my son differently. My son was going through the loss of his foster brother (who he learned a few tricks from) and was adjusting to our new house, new partner, and me being pregnant. My son is half African and He'd say he was the wrong kind of black, he's doppy, lazy, spoiled, plays too much Xbox etc... When he's kids were there, they got away with everything my son would never (they are still great kids) and he was very loving and adoring of them. He treated my son very differently and I told him I didn't like it. That set him off and he went out drinking (he drank anything from a 6 pack to a carton a night as it was anyway) he got drunk and called my son a doppy c#*t and said he needs 'a crack' on a Facebook status. My family went to town on him and everyone was very very worried. He told my uncles he'd make them bleed and all sorts... At this stage, I was 7 months pregnant and living with him and in a lot of other ways, he had been great with my son. He'd never hurt him or said those things to him, only to me... So I thought that if I put my foot down about my son, we could work through it.

In November at 8 months pregnant and very sick with a very large kidney stone, I drove us to Mackay to pick up his two youngest kids for Xmas and to meet more of his family. Despite my sickness we had a good time... Until we went to his ex's to get the kids and she had a mans things in her car. He lost it. We had to pull over, so he could walk away from us and calm down. After that, he rarely got out of bed and I was sick and pregnant, but found myself doing all the housework and everything for the kids. He'd quit his job too so we had no money for presents. He'd been on the same antidepressants for 10 years and they stopped working. He'd have major panic attacks and call me at work and I'd have to leave to go and sit next to him through it. I got him in to see a psychologist and her and the doctor weaned him off the antidepressants to put him onto new ones... So 2 days before Xmas, he was unmedicated. He had stopped drinking for 2 weeks, but on this day, he had a fair few beers. We were at South Bank for Xmas movies and fireworks with the kids, but he was in a mood. I went to the toilet while he took the kids to the car. When I got to the car, my son was shaking, crying and hiding at the front of the car. I told him to come to me, and asked what happened. He looked wild, like I'd never seen him before and my son couldn't talk. As my son walked past him, he went to punch him, but I screamed and jumped in the way, then took my son well away. I called him and told him to leave and I'm taking all the kids and we're over. He couldn't leave the car cos he didn't want to leave his daughters there alone. He went to hit me when we got to the car, but he didn't.

In the car, his daughters told me he'd been to goal for beating their mum and all three kids were terrified. We went home, packed bags and went to his sisters place, encase he came home. The next day, I left his daughters with his sister and took my son to my aunts on the gold coast. My family all went out and got us presents. It was Xmas eve. On boxing day, I ended up in hospital with kidney issues. They told me to stay close to my regular hospital. So I sent my son to my mums in NSW and I went home. For the next three weeks, I was in and out of hospital (via ambulance) once or twice a week. He only brought me clothes once. On one occasion, I was sent home with a large script. I asked him to get it filled. He stopped on the way to get beer (we only had $50) and the script turned out to be $47 so he couldn't pay for it. I really needed it though, so I borrowed money. But apparently it was my fault we didn't have enough for my script, so he refused to go back and get it. Instead, he went and got himself hungry jacks for dinner. He got me nothing. I was bed bound. I couldn't even get to the kitchen to get water. He later told me he was horrible to me because he knew I was leaving (to be with my son at my mums once I could drive) He said he thought being horrible would make it easier on us when I left.....

My brother ended up flying up from Sydney and driving my car (with everything I could fit in it) down to my mums. I had our daughter 5 weeks later. He came to NSW to see her with his mum 4 weeks after she was born, I offered him to be here for the birth, but he didn't organise himself.

Our lease was up, so he put my stuff into storage and cleaned things up. We were still sleeping together when we saw each other. We were trying to work it out. He got back into the psychologist and stopped drinking and started meds again.

In April school holidays, we spent 3 weeks together, between his sisters and mothers houses. My son spent the holidays with his dad (I still wasn't ready to have him around my son). I told him he'd need at least a year of consistent help, before we would move back and be together again. The three weeks we spent with us and our daughter was the stuff dreams are made of, even though he did start drinking again. We were sleeping together and everything was between us as it had been in the good days. Towards the end of the three weeks, he put himself in hospital with anxiety and over the next few days told me he didn't want us to go, but also that he couldn't forgive me for leaving him, so he doesn't want to be with me anymore. We were going to try and be friends though he knew i wanted us to be a family and him to get the help he needs for that to happen and he was supposed to be thinking about that and making a choice on that... until I found out he was back online... I lost it, because I felt after everything he'd put me through, he owed it to me to get himself together for us, especially after getting that taste of how things could've been...

A few weeks later (last month) he posts a picture of a beer saying he's having it for his cousin that past. In those weeks, he was getting crazy and jealous/possessive of me, thinking I was with someone else... In the background of the pic, was a woman, and that's how I found out he has a new partner. That was a Wednesday and we were already coming up that weekend for him to see bub. Our phones were in my name, so from call logs, I discovered they'd been talking for a few weeks. When I saw him that weekend, he told me he had planned to tell me that weekend to my face and her in the photo was an accident etc. Then he told me he can't resit me and wants nothing more than us, but he can't get past me leaving him and taking away the birth of his baby from him etc. He said he was torn and wants a bit of time to really consider things. We slept together. A week later he tells me he's choosing her (via text) then a few days later said he didn't mean it, he just wanted to hurt me. (The new girl knows about me, and knows we slept together, so probably made him send the text, because he would've told her, he chooses her but then was trying to keep me still there hanging). The next day, his new girlfriend adds him on Facebook and changes her profile pic to the two of them and then he does the same. I lost it, then stopped talking to him, other than to organise when to see bub. He was convinced I stopped trying with him because I'm seeing someone (I'm not) and called me every name daily... He threatened to kill me if I let another man meet our daughter etc.

On Friday night, he text me saying he misses me but still abusing me about a boyfriend I don't have. He sent me a link to 'our song' which we used to slow dance and make love to. I told him I can't listen to that artist anymore and told him I could bring bub to him Saturday afternoon, cos I had plans with cousins in the morning. Saturday morning, he asks me to bring her in the morning because he has plans with his girlfriend in the afternoon. I said no, its the afternoon or never again, because my daughter comes second to no one (also, he didn't see her last time we were up because he thought I was seeing someone and he said he can't see our daughter if she's been around another man). I thought he was just saying all these things to try and control me, so I went to my cousins in the morning, then went to his place in the afternoon and parked next to his Harley. He wasnt home, he was out with her. Something in me snapped. I finally had enough of his sh#t and my dad choosing his girlfriends over spending time with me came up and I lost my mind. I told him I was going to push his bike over... I couldn't it was too heavy, but his helmet was on the side, so I took it. He turned up with his new girlfriend and I rammed her car with my car a few times, then reversed into them on a busy road. I lost my mind. I didn't care if I died. I didn't even realise or consider the fact my daughter was in the car. Afterwards, all I felt was happiness at the fact I'd finally stood up for myself and my kids. It wasn't until I got to my aunts empty house, that I realised I could've really hurt my baby, or someone else and that this is not me at all!!! He's actually broken me and made me crazy. I started antidepressants 1.5 weeks ago and I haven't slept through a night since November because of stress from him, my kidney and my newborn. My hair has been falling out in several handfuls daily. I'm incredibly thin.

I guess I want to know if others have been through something so horrible and gone on to have a good happy life? I haven't even said it a because thus us crazy long already...I'm so scared to ever get in another relationship, but the good things about him make me want a partner so badly. I know I need to get my mind and body healthy and happy first, but I'm not sure it'll ever happen for me. My ex husband cheated and I spent 5 years single and working on myself, only for this to happen... I also have to re-build my life. I have no home, no furniture (he won't tell me where the storage unit is/what its called/contact details for it). I'm a single mum to two kids by two dads now and my daughter is only 4 months old. I feel so crappy about my life and future and the sort of person I am now. I'm also so so sad about him being with someone else and choosing her over his daughter. I know he doesn't deserve us and that we defiantly deserve better... But I'm so sad he could chuck me and our daughter away like that, and that he gets to go off into the sunset with his new partner, while I'm here trying to rebuild my entire life while also raising our baby on my own. I have a great relationship with my ex-husband for our sons sake, because having a father in a child's life is something I find important. What will I tell my daughter one day? How do I stop caring he's with someone else, especially when he's so horrible... ???