My beautiful 8 yr old hates how she looks. She has a beautiful soul. Everyone who meets her loves her. She Never gets In trouble at school. But she is a negative thinker and a worrier.
But lately Not a day goes by that she won't point out something about herself she doesn't like. Her hair, her freckles, her teeth and even her eye colour and she tells me what she is going to do to fix it when she is older.
It scares me so much that someone this young can hate so much about herself..
She suffers anxiety and social interaction issues which I have just taken her to the gp and has got a referral to see a psychologist which will start next week.
But I'm just wondering how common it is for a child this age to talk about herself like this.
I'm not the type of person who cares about my looks a lot. I don't talk about myself badly, other then I had very curly hair which I hated doing so I got it permanently straightened last year.
But now I feel bad even doing that because she has curly hair and talks about how she hates her hair, so has that showed her that curly hair is bad. Which it isn't, I'm just lazy and it's easy to have straight hair.
Lately I have gotten really annoyed with her when she says it. Ive snapped at her a few times (and felt terrible after) and said she gonna have a very sad life if u keep hating urself the way u do and I don't want to hear it anymore.
I just don't know what to say to make her see that she is perfect the way she is and changing her hair colour or making it straight doesn't make u a better person.
she needs constant reassurance that she is pretty and if i give my other daughters the same comments she then gets upset and says they are better then her. I can't even tell my other daughters they have pretty hair when I brush it becuase then she say "it's not fair because i want hair like them, my hair doesn't grow, I have the shortest hair in the house".
I'm constantly on edge on what to do and say around her.
I dread the teenage years with her, I'm actually terrified of how she will be and act.
My 8 yr old hates the way she looks and it makes my heart hurt.
My 8 yr old hates the way she looks and it makes my heart hurt.
Posted in:
Mental Health, Parenthood Guilt, Kids
5 Replies
Good news is, that you are seeing a psychologist next week. I would definitely bring this up with the psychologist. She is young to be starting to talk like this, but I strongly suspect it's all tied up with her other anxiety issues.
I'd try and refrain from making any kind of comments regarding any of your daughters appearances (at least for a while).
Compliment them by saying things like "I love how brave you were to try something new" or "you make me proud when you're kind" really emphasize their non physical qualities, their courage, their kindness, their quirkiness. Shout from the rooftops how wonderful they are.
Her anxiety would be exacerbating her insecurities though, I would definitely bring it up with the psychologist, they'll be able to give you some strategies to help her be more positive (carrying around all that worry and negativity must be exhausting for her).
All the best xx
What beautiful advice x
Excellent that she is seeing a psychologist!
One thing my mum did for us as kids was take us for photoshoots every second year. She'd take us shopping to pick an outfit and we'd go and get professionally photographed individually and as a family. The individual photos she'd get blown up and hang around the house, send to family, send on xmas cards etc. and just really reiterate how perfect we were just the way we are. She didn't do our hair super special that day, obviously brushed and in plaits or something but never any makeup or anything that wasn't natural. When other family would say how gorgeous the photos were I remember feeling absolutely amazing and like a superstar.
Maybe you could organise a little photoshoot for her and see how she feels about it? Get her to start feeling confident within herself. A good photographer helps too, as they really find ways to accentuate natural features and talk so kindly to younger girls.
You'll need to see the psychologist on your own too, so you learn what is helpful and how to manage all this.
I'd stop focusing on anyone's looks or appearance, and only compliment your family on actual attributes and skills