My stepdaughter is 18 and has decided to move to her grandparents to get a job and have a better chance at life apparently but she is now making threats if we don't buy credit or this or that she wont ever speak to us again. She calls my partner and bad dad, immature, useless etc makes him feel like utter crap while at work and yet expects us to still support her when she's no longer living with us and put up with her abuse.
Any suggestions on how to handle it or what to do. My partner gives in because his scared of loosing her which is understandable but constant abuse is unfair and I'm getting so sick and tired of it.
I have tried to talk to her but nothing changes. Her attitude has always been a nightmare since iv known her but it's getting worse and worse.
Thankyou in advance
6 Replies
Her father has to stop! He is enabling her behaviour and giving in his teaching her she can be a bully and get what she wants.
It's time he stops parenting from fear and starts parenting from it's my job to say no.
Yes she will throw a massive tantrum when he starts standing up to her, but with consistency she will stop.
Oh Lord, you are a tolerant woman.
Dad needs to strap on his big boy pants and actually parent her and stop letting her be a disrespectful brat. He's not doing her any favours by pandering to this ridiculous manipulation thing she's got going on. This is what happens when bad attitude isn't nipped in the bud early on. The sense of entitlement is astounding!
What you guys do now is take a step back, if she wants to stop talking to you because you won't buy her credit then that's on her. She's an 18 year old woman, not a child anymore, she's responsible for the choices she makes, no one else.
And, truth be told 'I'm never speaking to you again' really means ' I'm gonna ignore you for as long as it takes for you to give in and give me what I want and I'm going to make you feel like the bad guy in the process'. Not a game you wanna play!
She probably needs a cold, hard dose of reality, in the real world people are much less likely to put up with that nonsense and they'll be very quick with calling her out on it.
I think you guys (but mainly her Dad) need to stay firm and stick to your guns and hopefully, sooner rather than later she pulls her head in!
Yes, not on you shouldn't put up with that. I'm wondering though what the situation financially is, like how is she getting by? My daughter is the same age and left home, she can't get anything from centre link because her dad (separated) earns too much. She gets nothing from either of us, works 3 days a week and barely scrapes by. If it wasn't for her working she would be finding it pretty tough, they have definitely made it hard for them to leave home. They don't seem to care whether they are actually being supported or not. I am in no way condoning her behaviour.
Wow shes being extremely manipulative. If she was two and chucking a tantrum demanding a lolly, you would ignore the tantrum and not buy the lolly....so respond in the same manner.
Simply tell her no and when she makes her threats, just say "ok thats really unfortunate you feel that way but just letting you know we love you and our door will remain open."
How does he feel about the situation? Does he want to change it? Your relationship is with him. You can tell him how her disrespecting him makes you feel, but ultimately it's up to him, it's his daughter. You can tell him you do not support him giving in to her demands, only to be treated badly, and that you will not tolerate any rudeness directed at you. Respect is a two way street, but you gotta respect yourself enough to believe you deserve respect. Is he trying to redeem himself due to absenteeism from her life or other issues and he feels he failed her? Whatever the reason, hopefully you and he can get to the bottom of it, then he can discuss it with her honestly and openly, telling her calmly that it's because he loves her, that he won't be giving in to her demands and tolerating her disrespectful behaviour any longer. Boundaries. Boundaries. Boundaries.
Oh and 18 is still a kid, regardless of how grown up she thinks she is, she still wants/needs parenting
Support your husband. He really needs it. I believe step parents shouldn't parent the step child. She has her parents already. Support your husband and remind him to stand his ground whilst you both are loving and supporting of her. Step parenting is the hardest job ever and there's a lot of us out here going through similar things. Remember she will appreciate and remember you if you're loving and supportive of her. Its hard work but pays off in the end. Good luck!