I'm wondering if there's something wrong with me because I'm not attracted to men my own age, and never really have been. I was married to a man a few years older, but that ended due to domestic violence. We had four kids, who are now aged between 8-17.
I'm in my early 40s and the trouble is, I like toyboys. I spent the majority of the year having a a great time with a 21 year old man who has had a crush on me for years. His mum found out and caused such trouble. Small town. The thing is, I don't look my age, and the lads like me too.
Is this wrong? I've been told I should seek help, but I don't think it's wrong. It's not illegal. Am I a bad mother for wanting the sweet lads who offer themselves to me? They're all over 18.
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27 Replies
I'm in my 40s I think it's odd when a man or woman wants to date or have sex with someone close to the age of there children or only a few years older.
I find it creepy when men do it, I find it creepy when women do it. I also have heard how young blokes talk about the older women they sleep with, it isn't very nice. Let's just say, they are not in it for good reasons. I've been hit on by younger men, they are in it to tell there friends a good story about how they are banging the older woman. It was easy for me to say, no and turn them down.
It's not illegal, but not everything that's legal means it's morally right, good for you, or good for your partner at the time.
I think you are dating younger men as you view them as non threatening and 'safe'. I'd be seeking some therapy for yourself, sort out your issues from your past and start test the waters with guys closer to your age.
I dont think theirs anything wrong with you. If your happy with the situatiin and its not hurting anyone then go for it. I can just see some sticky situations with dating someone so close to your eldest age
I don't necessarily think there's something wrong with you but as a mum myself I can understand this young mans mother being uncomfortable with it. If my children were in this situation (either my son or daughters) I would be worried about them being taken advantage of.
I know a guy who's mum is dating someone that's only a year older than he is. He hates it and its really awkward.
My auntie dated my cousins friend. Let's just say, my cousin never brought friends around ever again. It damaged there relationship in a big way.
As someone who is married (15 years) to a guy who is 10 years younger than me, I don't think there is anything wrong with dating men younger as long as they are not young enough to be your son.
I agree, I'm not opposed to an age gap but if you're dating someone your parents or your kids age I find it a bit weird
I do think it's kinda weird, these men are around the same age as your child...it may be legal but do you really want to be with someone young enough to be your son? I understand why the mums get upset about it. I would too if my daughter was dating someone old enough to be her dad. It creeps me out.
I think it is to do with low self esteem. Perhaps you feel you can't get someone around your own age so you go for younger, very inexperienced men who haven't had much else. I think seeking help would be a good thing for yourself.
Not after a relationship though, just sex. No self esteem issues, I just don't fancy men my age or older.
You're attracted to men barely out of school..I'd still see someone about it. I'm 26 and men who are 18 are way too young for me, they're still teenagers. They're barely adults. Not someone I would want to have sex with.
No, it's ok. Not weird. I'm in my 40s and get more attention from the guys in their 20s and I'm more attracted to them. I think the problem is men age badly. They get fat grey or bald or spend too much time in the sun and that once nice tan makes them look way older than what they are. And we as women look after ourselves. And don't they say our sex drive is on par with younger men. I say go for it. You only live once:-)
Theyre very young, you have kids in the mix, its a small town, and lets be honest theyre in no way partner material and it causes issues so wouldnt the cons win? Not looking your age doesnt have anything to do with it, but it shows you are having a superficial fling theres nothing deeper. Because there are plenty of men in their thirties and forties that are young at heart and in looks but mature enough to bring something to the table. A twenty one year old is a different ball game, and I think thats exactly the reason you go there, and the same reason people think its off and his mum wasnt impressed.
I think the question to ask yourself is why are you not interested in dating men that could become potential partners?
Maybe just interested in sex, not a partner?
Thats fine but even casual sex dont you want them to bring something, or at least not bring you issues?
I remember your original post and the majority of us advised against it. You are ruining your name and reputation and probably, which would be most important to me, your oldest child's respect for you for a casual fuck that isn't going anywhere. What's the point? Yes, I think there is something wrong with ypu, maybe due to the dv these guys are no threat for you? I think you need counselling. How would you feel if your son was sleeping with one of your friends in a coupl of years. Ughhhhhh.
Her son will be dating the same girls as these guys are.
To be honest, my self esteem is just fine, I just do not fancy men my own age. As to my sons so long they're over 18, they can bonk who they want to.
Im not convinved your self esteem is where you say it is, put honestly, you would want and get more for yourself. I think its pretty clear this fits into what you think you want, but look at the reason you want that, scratch the surface a little and theres deeper things going on.
I can almost guarantee that the boy(s) involved are just in it for shits and gigs. My now husband and his mates used to fool around with older women just for laughs and to report back. It was never serious but they always made sure it was a more random person. The older the better. They didn't like them back, they were just being shallow for a laugh. I know many, many "men" in their early 20s who do this right now. You're just a cougar to them and a bit of meat (and it seems an easy target judging by the way you've said they offer themselves to you).
If it got "serious" - would you really want some 18, 19, 20 year old raising your kids who are close in age to them? They wouldn't be able to step up and ACTUALLY parent them. Also, what about when there's a party or something going on? I'm in my mid 20s and I can guarantee if one of our mates bought a 40 something year old to a party as his girlfriend it would be completely awkward and I wouldn't have anything in common to discuss with them. Are you prepared to be spoken about behind your back constantly (it will happen!)?
You obviously AREN'T a paedophile, as these are adult men, but when you see shows on paedophiles (sorry just comparing, again not saying you are), they have very specific age groups they are sexually attracted to and other ages don't do it for them at all. As a single woman, age is unimportant to me, I am attracted to the person, not the age, but I do find I generally have no interest in men more than a couple of years younger (nothing in common) and prob ten years older. Its a shame you are attracted to ages, as opposed to ppl because you are really limiting yourself in finding the one.
I'm 41 and my husband is 27. I'm 13 yrs older than him. He was 21 when we met. We've been married almost 3yrs and have 4 boys together! Nothing wrong with liking younger men. I'm the same I much prefer them to men my own age
I'm 41 and my husband is 27. I'm 13 yrs older than him. He was 21 when we met. We've been married almost 3yrs and have 4 boys together! Nothing wrong with liking younger men. I'm the same I much prefer them to men my own age
Just a question but what could you possibly have in common with men this young apart from sex?
I wouldn't want my mum dating boys closer to my age than she is. Think of how embarrassing it is for your children.
I totally get where you're coming from. I've never been married, and have just turned 49, and while I have occasionally dated within my own age group over the years, I haven't found that to be particularly satisfying - at a certain age, most guys are crippled with the baggage and hangups of their previous relationships. Now at this age, every guy I've dated around my age or slightly older has been impotent, or is looking to 'lock me down'. I'm not looking for a permanent, or even long term relationship, just some adults only fun when time permits.
The two lovers I've had this year are both 25, and one of those has been pursuing me for a few years. It's always respectful, it's always light-hearted and fun, the way sex should be, and if they happen to learn some skills along the way to enhance their future relationships with women, then all the better. I have no insecurities about myself, I look good, am financially independent and well travelled, and I work hard. The only thing I am looking for in these liaisons is sex, and these younger guys are sweet, funny, energetic, good-looking, and eager to please.
A few ladies in my friends group know about this, and while a few are scandalised, I'm not really bothered by what they think. I know given the choice (which I do have), I'd choose what I'm doing over their sexless relationships any day of the week. At the end of the day, it's nobodies business but your own whom you sleep with, and to hell what anyone else things of it.
Heres the issues I see with it.
Your from a small town. So obviously it will get out because these young guys will see you as a conquest and talk. I would feel pretty bad for my 17 year old hearing the talk between the young blokes about my mum!
As for the 21 year olds mother, she probably didnt feel like her son was ready to take on 4 kids!!! One of them only being 4 years younger than himself....because ultimately thats what you'd be asking of him if you wanted a long term relationship with him.
If this a genuine post (the last line makes me wonder) you have 4 kids. Consider their feelings before you start inviting a bunch of young guys into your bed.
Heres the issues I see with it.
Your from a small town. So obviously it will get out because these young guys will see you as a conquest and talk. I would feel pretty bad for my 17 year old hearing the talk between the young blokes about my mum!
As for the 21 year olds mother, she probably didnt feel like her son was ready to take on 4 kids!!! One of them only being 4 years younger than himself....because ultimately thats what you'd be asking of him if you wanted a long term relationship with him.
If this a genuine post (the last line makes me wonder) you have 4 kids. Consider their feelings before you start inviting a bunch of young guys into your bed.