So about 6 weeks ago I found out my husband of 5 years (been together for 10 years) has been cheating on me for the last 8 months.
I caught him with the "lady". To cut a long story short he has asked for forgiveness & wanted to work on our marriage & stupid me thought it would be a good idea (we have 1 toddler & I am 3 months pregnant with our second).
Today he dropped a bombshell & decided that he doesn't want the family, the responsibility, the commitment. He wants to be single at 40, he wants to have multiple girls & live his life.
I'm absolutely gutted & devastated - as you can imagine.
Just wanted words from mums that I will be ok, a single mum with 2 kids. Will I find someone that will accept me? Or will I be a single mum forever? I know it's the last thing I should be thinking about, but I am a complete mess ATM, so confused, so lost!
Breaks my heart to see my son ask for his dad but his dad is nowhere to be seen. I've never wanted a broken family & as silly as it sounds, I was willing to live unhappy than to be divorced.
Could he be going through midlife crisis?
Because his change in his appearance has changed a lot as well, he always wants the best clothes, most expensive perfume & shoes.
TIA
10 Replies
There is no such thing as a mid life crisis. It's called being an asshole!!
Plenty of single mums go on to have very successful healthy relationships with new partners.
Nobody ever dreams of coming from a broken home or getting a divorce or separating from there kids father. It happens though and in this case it sounds like it's for the best (although you don't feel like that now). It hurts knowing where you stand, but it causes more damage to yourself and to the kids living in an unhealthy relationship in the long run. The kids pick up on the tension, wether you mean for them to or not and unintentionally you model unhealthy relationships as normal.
Single mothers all over the country do this. They have good lives, they build support networks and have fabulous futures.
You will be fine 😊 I think it will be tough because your kids are so young but millions of mums have done it before you and you can do it too. Once your new baby is born you will be too busy to even worry about being on your own. Do what you have to do. Leave him to his fancy clothes and perfume, you have your babies 😊
Better to be from a broken home than to live in one! Trust me. I'm speaking from experience.
I have two children from two "failed" relationships.
And yes there are men who will accept you. Again speaking from experience. Not that I believed I ever would. But the man I have now loves me so much and wouldn't ever dream of hurting me.
It's going to suck for a while but you will come out on top.
"just keep swimming"
You will be more than ok. It will take time but you'll get there. You'll find someone that not only accepts you, but appreciates and respects you.
My ex did the same thing. Even years after separation, he made promises of reconciliation, started counselling etc, just to turn around and "change his mind". He'd prefer the freedom of being a part time father. Well the jokes on him now, I've never felt more free and at peace. My children are loved, happy and starting to see him for who he is.
You'll have bad days and good days. Just keep strong and believe in yourself. You deserve nothing but the best.
Oh hon :( what a douche bag! I can only go from my personal experience. I fell pregnant at 19. I found out after my then boyfriend and I spilt. His response was tell centrelink you were raped. He wasnt in the picture at all. I was asked out by a friend who knew I was pregnant (4mth) at the time. Long story short, that man took my child on as his own. She calls him dad. We got married but unfortunately it didn't last. My daughter is 18 this year and she still calls him dad and thats his daughter. I was basically single for 4 yrs (a woman has needs right? 😉) It was hard and it was just me and my girl. I cried alot. I was angry for awhile. Take one day at a time. You will be fine even if it doesn't feel like it sometimes. I now have a great man, been with him for ten yrs. He had 3 children to a previous marriage and now we have one together. Im lucky. The bio mum and I get along well and I love the crap out of all of my kids. My point is, happiness doesn't always come in straight forward conventional ways. Some times you have to fight the shit swamp before you get to your green pastures. Hang in there!
My husband left me 11 months ago. Stated he just didn't love me but the truth is he had a new girlfriend. I had a 4 year old and 1.5 year old. I was devastated.
11 months later I've bought my own place and back to full time work. I'm lucky I had a qualification and lucky we made a bit of money on our old place. I have to live on a budget but we are ok.
I still have ups and downs. I still have very hard days when it all hits me again
His girlfriend recently moved in and I'm struggling a lot that my kids see her!
As for dating. Like you I thought about it straight away; now I do less and less. My kids & work keep me busy. I'd love to meet someone one day but it's not easy and I don't want to settle for anyone not great.
Good Luck! You can do it
My mum left an abusive relationship with three kids ran to a crisis centre. Had nothing no money we turned out alright. She has had two long term relationships since. Separation is always very difficult and it takes time to heal. Your husband made a mistake getting married like so many do ( freedom and sex is more important to him then love and family) Don't worry about relationships now you have alot of work and healing ahead of you to get back on your feet. The right man will come in time
I've been a single mother with 4 children for a long time. 2 of them are autistic ADHD and ODD.
Eldest 3 have the same father youngest a different father. Between both fathers I get about $100 a month child support ( so basically FA because they both work cash jobs so they don't have to pay )
First 1 I left because of his excessive drinking. 2nd one cheated! And the first time I was stupid enough to take him back! 2nd time I got the hell out of There!
You absolutely can do it alone!
And please don't live an unhappy life to give your boys what you think is a happy family..
As a child who grew up with 2 parents that didn't want to he together but stayed together for us kids...id rather they'd split when I was little because it was horrible!
Let him go and be happy without him. Focus your energy to you and your children.
It will be ok without him tho 💜
This happened to my very good friend about 18 months ago. At 41, her hubby decided he wanted to be single and left. She was devestated. Their 2 kids were devestated too. Within a few months she was realising how much happier she and the kids were without him and a few months after that she met a lovely man who now lives with her. He's bragging to the guys about what a great life he has, how there are so many desperate 40yo women, ripe for the picking etc while they're all sniggering behind his back because he's obviously miserable and will never be happy. Sad really.
Give it time, lovely. You deserve much more than him
honey - you are ok. you will be ok. he is an ass. and you still love him. that will pass. immerse yourself in your kids and yourself. I hope you have a cat or a dog that can be there when the kids are asleep and you are tired and lonely. Because - hear this - when your heart, mind and soul are ready - you will be gifting the world a magical thing. A woman who birthed children, protected them and brought them up, dismissed the poor excuse of a human who wasn't ready or able enough to be with you. You will be amazing and you will find a King who is ready for your Queen xoxoxo