Toilet training!! My daughter is 3 next month and refuses to toilet train! I understand every child is different, that they will do it in their own time and that you can't push them but I'm so sick of cleaning wee up off the floor, couch, carpet etc!! She's the youngest of 4 so sees 5 other people in the house use the toilet on a regular basis. She knows when she's wee'd and pooed and will openly tell me she stinks! We have a potty, toddler seat to sit on the normal seat and also the step ladder seat for her to use. She refuses the potty and seat and on the odd occasion will agree to sit in the ladder seat- but usually only for a few seconds before telling me she's done and hops off. No amount of bribery or reading books will keep her there or get her to use the seat if she doesn't want to. With my others we used sticker charts, lollies, reading books etc but number 4 is steadfast in her refusal! We talk about being a big girl and using the toilet and she just says 'no I use my nappy'. I've tried just knickers and she just wee's and poos wherever and whenever she needs to- doesn't like it but that doesn't change the fact that she does it anyway. I've backed off on trying for now but she has started removing her own nappy without me knowing and it's only when she has an accident that she tells me. (We have talked about needing to leave her nappy on multiple times) She has used the toilet (and actually done a wee) at daycare a handful of times (over quite a few months not everyday) but has never actually done anything in the toilet at home. I don't want to push and possibly make it worse but I also need this to happen sooner rather than later now she's removing her nappy herself. Does anyone have any 'outside the box' ideas for a very strong willed little girl!! I thought number 4 would be the easiest but she's proving to be my toughest yet!
9 Replies
It used to be my job to toilet train tricky kids!
I would train her in 2 steps. My first step would be just getting her to sit on the toilet for a few seconds followed very closely by a small treat. I'd do that twice a day, gradually extending how long she can sit for until it's two minutes.
My next step would be watching her like a fricken hawk! Literally do nothing other than watch her for a week. Look for any physical cues that she needs to go to the toilet. I'd be focusing on wee at this point. Any physical cues, or if she starts to pee you yell stop, and race her to the toilet. She should only have to sit 2 minutes maximum. If she pees obviously you throw a gigantic party.
You could also try that with a potty because you can shove the potty under her and catch the pee.
I think you'll have more success with this method because you teach the child WHEN to go to the toilet rather than sitting them there and expecting them to go. It's much better for hyper kids who don't sit still or want to stop what they are doing as they learn that toileting is fast.
How can you do that while working and with other kids to look after as well? I'm finding it so hard to toilet train my 2.5 yea old but I work and also have other kids...I can't do nothing but watch her for a week :(
Just thinking maybe thats why number four is harder not easier? You really do need to watch and be consistent. Maybe find a few days in a row where you can really focus on it?
I am the original poster and trust me we have been consistent. We chose to really 'get into it' when my husband was in days off and there were 2 of us and were taking her very regularly- no joke we would literally walk from the toilet down the hall and she would wee in the floor. By the third or so time in a row she'd just flat out refuse to use the toilet any more
Oh sorry, I'm not OP. Just having the same issues. I really can't find a few days though not unless I take time off work and can't do that because I have bills to pay. It's so hard!
I'm the person who wrote the response. When I toilet trained my son using this method, I literally went without a holiday so I could toilet train my son. I've known a number of parents who've done the same thing.
I know how hard it is, because I've done it.
I could have written this myself about my boy who turned 3 a few months ago.
He even had a few days where he weed and pooed in the potty at home and then regressed and changed his mind.
I'm too scared to push the case. Since that successful few days we had, he's also had a day or two here and there where he'll ask to put on undies instead of his nappy and we go with it but he has a couple of accidents and I suggest putting the nappy on. He is a busy hyper active child so I feel like he doesn't like to stop what he is doing. But I think I also drove him mad asking and reminding him (when we had those few successful days) that he just started to ignore me all together.
I am waiting for summer holidays as it's easier being warm, he can hang around in jocks. We will use up all the nappies (or at least tell him that) and encourage the toilet while we are home for a solid couple of days to focus on it. By then he will be 3.5 and I'm hoping that works.
My youngest was incredibly hard to TT also, I really get your frustration.
If you think she is actually ready and I mean fully understands the cues that she needs to go, then I suggest to fully do away with nappies and pull ups. They are more confusing than helpful IMO. They actually need to have accidents to learn that it's yucky and it's easier to go in the toilet or potty.
I don't think forcing the issue is helpful either but I think a lot of kids need an encouraging push.
There's really not an easy, quick way to TT. You've gotta put in the hard yards. It's not something that you'll do in 3 days, it is a learning process.
I think once they get that first wee or poo in the right place, it kind of clicks and they start to get it.
If all else fails, there are TT therapy programs your gp can refer you to but they won't really consider that until they're closer to 4 and you've tried everything at home.
Have you tried reverse psychology?
Toddlers are stubborn little buggers who want to be in control (or at least think they are).
Have it so its her idea to use the toilet instead of yours and she might be more eager.
Maybe tell her you're going to give away the toilet seat and potty to someone else since she refuses to use it. Toddlers love having things that someone else wants/has (and so do us adults half the time! 😂)
Cold turkey approach worked best with my son. I got rid of all nappies in the house and purchased pull ups for night time and called them night time undies. He was toilet trained within the week after I ditched the nappies.