I'm 7 weeks pregnant and don't want to be. I already have a 5 year old who is the light of my life. Hubby is pushing for this baby. I'm suffering from perinatal depression already and post natal once before. One of us will not get what they want and I'm afraid it will be me. Has anyone else been through this?
12 Replies
If youre that sure, please go to a gp or health nurse without him and discuss. This is not something you can just get through doing because someone else wants it.
Please see your GP and possibly get some counselling for this. It's a huge thing to do just to make your husband happy.
This is something the both of you need to decide. It's a partnership, you're not single. If you go through with an abortion are you likely to loose your husband? If the answer is yes and you don't want to loose him then it's definitely a decision he needs to be involved in. Sure it's your body but if you weren't actively trying to prevent your pregnancy ie birth control and you were both under the assumption that you both wanted another then it's definitely not something you alone can decide.
Not sure what planet youre on but it is her body and she sure does get to decide alone. The fact he would leave her, pressure her todo something she doesnt want, not support or hear her wants is awful. Shes reaching out for help about this and youre reinforcing him guilting and pressuring her? Its so wrong. Her body her choice.
I'm not guilting her, I'm being truthful. When you are married the choice is between 2 people. Yes it's her body, but if she and her husband want to get through this they need to be both on the same page. I had PND with my first 2 kids and didn't end up with my 3rd. I was ill for my first 3 pregnancies to the point where I could barely function and made it through with very minimal support. She can of course go off and have a secret abortion and lie to her husband and then in 3 months time come back on hers and complain that her marriage has gone to the dogs because her husband found out she lied about having a miscarriage when in fact she had an abortion. I'm giving her an answer that I believe is how it should work. When 2 people are married, having unprotected sex and then fall pregnant it is then the choice of those 2 people not one. If she was a single mum or a recently separated woman who was not in a partnership it would be entirely up to her to make a decision. But I don't want to have to hear how her relationship went to shut because she didn't consult her husband nor discuss having an abortion when one person wanted it and the other didn't. They need to discuss the pros and cons of what it is going to do. No wonder so many relationships fail. Lack of communication and decision making and so many people saying that husbands/fathers have no rights to have feelings or emotions on decisions that are going to affect them as a family as a whole.
women do have the final say in what happens to their body. She shouldnt need to lie to him about it.
I cant stand the 'thats why so many relationships are failing nowadays' line to backup your own opinion, but I could just as easily say its attitudes like his and yours that harmfully believe and assert that he has a right to this over her wishes is the real issue.
Saying that she should be entitled to make her own decision but if she wants to keep her relationship then she had better not, is a repressive attitude.
Yes she has the final say and yes it's her body her choice, in saying that why do women in relationships get so cut up when their partners cheat on them after all it's his dick and he can stick it where ever he wants to, why do women get so cut up about men watching porn it's their dick they can get themselves off in anyway they choose too it's his body his choice right? Why do women get so cut up about a mans choice and what he does with his own body when he's in a relationship when if we go by what you're saying essentially it's his body his choice just like it's her body and her choice. Because they're in a relationship and the other gets a say and has the right to be upset by a decision made by an individual person when it's a partnership. It's all about respecting your partner. including them in any decision you make and making compromises. How can we as women get so upset by something our partners do/choose to do and they cannot get upset or have a decision in something we do. We're not going to sit there and say hey it's cool for you to go and shag that chick, hey I want another baby and you don't so don't you dare go and get a vasectomy because I still want more, or how about the lady further down the question line who has chosen not to tell her husband that she's pregnant with their 5th baby because she knows how much he didn't want another one, yet neither of them insisted that the other gets the snip and the birth control they were using "failed" yet she's wanting to continue with the pregnancy without any sort/form of discussion with the other person her decision is going to affect she's all for the "whoops what a surprise it's too late now to abort". To me when you're in a relationship both parties are involved in making the big decisions having/not having another baby is a big decision that 2 people in a committed relationship should be making together and coming to make a decision about. Maybe I'm just old fashioned. Making decisions on your own without consulting the other person in a relationship is why so many relationships fail, a lack of communication is another reason how do I know this? Because I've seen what a lack of communication and individual decisions can do to a relationship and I've seen what positive communication and joint decisions does to a relationship. For crying out loud she's not organising a surprise 50th birthday party for her spouse she's wanting to have an abortion. Her question at the top states to baby or not to baby? Essentially the only person who can make that decision is her herself none of us can make the decision for her, we can however outline our opinions and why we feel that way etc. I'm saying what I'm saying because I have seen so many relationships fail and I can understand why the divorce stats are what they are. I'm hoping she and her husband can come to a decision together and keep their marriage in one piece. I also hope that if she does get an abortion that she goes and gets some form of birth control in place because I don't feel anyone should be using abortion as a form of birth control. It's there for reasons but it's not a birth control method and shouldn't be used as such.
I have no reply to this. She has the right to terminate, the other lady has the right to have the baby. Not wanting to be coerced guilted or given an ultimatum? Has that right too.
this op is already in a tough situation shes asking for help Im sorry she had to get your opinion instead. I hope she seeks some impartial advice and support.
I have been.
I didn't want to nor did I think I could go through another pregnancy. my husband wanted the baby, I did not and seriously considered abortion. I thought about how my mental and emotional state would be afterwards and decided that would be worse than going through PND again. but it didn't make it easier because I didn't want to do it again...
I didn't want my child up until I was about 19 weeks pregnant and nearly lost her. as sad as it sounds, it took me until that to realise how much I actually did want her.
your feelings are valid. it's an absolutely horrible place to be in mentally. definitely head to your GP and get some advice. speak out about those feelings, confide in someone and let that out. clear your head and think about it all rationally. get things in place to smash PPD & PND on its bum.
whichever way this goes, be confident and know you're not alone.
Seek immediate relationship counselling!
Hun no one can answer that q for you . Everyone will have a different opinion. There are lots of things to consider here . Firstly this is a decision you need to both agree on though I understand that this can be hard to get to.
There ar wheats of variables too. Is your husband supportive of your mental health ? Do you have other family support ? Or close friends that support you . What does your 'village '
Look like?
I felt this way with my 3rd because pregnancy sucks for me ! I get so sick I can't function . We have very little support from family and
Only a few
Close friends . I spent the majority of my Pregnancy resenting my baby :( and felt i connection . It was a horrible hard time . BUT i later realized that a lot of this was actually because I was scared . I was scared I wouldn't cope I was scared that i wouldn't connect with the baby ever . I was scared about a lot of things . My husband didn't understand this AT ALL so I also felt really unheard and unimportant and lost in it all.
Amazingly though when she was born I fell in love . And she hasn't been a perfect baby . But she's now 2 and we are all still alive . One day at a time sometimes and each day can be a matter of one foot in front of the other but I honestly don't regret having her and can't imagine our lives without her . She completed our family .
My advice would be gather as much support around you as possible . Professional of you need to . Talk it through . Voice your fears now don't hold them in ! And of you voice them you might find they have less power over you then you realize .
Sometimes these thoughts and feelings are bigger in my mind and once you say them they feel a lot smaller and somewhat irrational because the real fear is feeling unheard and like your not Being understood or acknowledged (try it! ;) )
Ultimately in a marriage you are a team and need to work this out together . Good luck xox
Reading these upsets me a lot more then it should.. I fell pregnant with my second (suprise not suprise) and it recently ended in me giving birth to my gorgeous angel baby at 21 weeks 4 days. I could never end a pregnancy after experiencing this
Please seek help from a professional and make sure it is 100% what you want. Make hubby know how you feel and what is going through your mind. If you can't speak to him, write a letter or send him a text so you can get it all out.