Hi ladies,
I am the mother of 3 boys all close in age.
6,5 and 3. They are all lovely one on one but when they are together it's ridiculous.
They are either constantly fighting or ganging up on me!
The ganging up I can handle, they test their limits and atleast they are sticking together.
It's the fighting!!! Not just arguing, full physical fights! The violence is beyond anything normal. They really hurt each other. Full face punches, kicking, stomping on heads, body slamming. This isn't play fighting, this is in anger. I have to jump in and the bigger they are getting the harder it is for me to pull them apart. I am so worried that they are going to seriously injure each other.
We punish them severely. we have reward charts and follow through with threats eg today they are missing a friends birthday party. They still can't help themselves.
Today we had a doctors appointment. They started punching on in the waiting room. Then again at the chemist.
I am at my wits end.
They are not exposed to any violence, they don't watch shows or play video games with violence.
After today I have packed everything they own away. They only have books they can sit and read and that is all.
People keep telling me 'boys will be boys' but this can't be right? Can it?
My eldest has ADHD which is managed with medication, the other 2 have been tested but don't show any signs. So I don't believe it has anything to do with something like that.
We keep them active, they participate in sports most days after school and spend a lot of time riding their bikes and running around our property.
I watch their diets and they have very limited sugar.
I'm not sure what I am asking?
Guess I just need some reassurance or any pointers?
Thanks desperate Mum xxx
Help!! Mum of boys who won't stop fighting
Help!! Mum of boys who won't stop fighting
Posted in:
Parenthood Guilt, Behaviour
3 Replies
What are there Verbal conflict resolution skills like?
I have they been taught, not just told, but actually been taught to walk away/tell there sibling they need to be left alone and conversely been taught to respect each other's boundaries?
Punishing won't help when they haven't been taught those resolution skills, because they don't know any other way to handle those situations.
My advice, divide and conquer. Keep them as separate as you can. But when they are playing, watching TV etc. be listening really, really hard. Watch hard. Praise the behaviour you want. Prompt the behaviour you want, before they get to the physical conflict. Prompt them to walk away, get you, tell the sibling to stop/go away. Teach the sibling to respect that.
They have been taught some skills. Stop I don't like it, is used frequently and they are taught about personal space.
They do use these techniques at school and kinder regularly without it getting violent. They can each give me examples of situations they have used these skills and their teachers say they never physically hurt anyone who is frustrating them.
But yes you are right. This is definitely something I should be encouraging more at home. Great advice, thank you 😊
My sister was having a problem with her boy acting up for a little while. Took her a while to realise the super hero shows he was obsessed with was impacting his behaviour. She stopped him watching them and the behaviour improved. Also big time outs works for her. Like 1/2 hour for really bad behaviour. She has two timers. One for her and one for him (the sand type one) and then he knows when he is allowed out. He is almost 5.