Sorry this is a bit long... I'll try to keep it as simple as possible..
I had my first baby just under a year ago and I think I suffered with PND, I didn't realise it at the time but I really took everything out on my partner and I know he never deserved any of it, but I finally came to good point and was starting to be my old self again and he told me that he doesn't love me anymore because of it and he has left me.. it was all too hard for him and I know I was awful to him but he has just decided that being a dad and being in a family life with me and the commitment and responsibility that comes with it is all too hard.
I still love him an unbearable amount and am completely heartbroken, I never wanted to lose him and now I don't know how to go on... my baby is literally the only thing keeping me alive. I know it's so selfish and probably sounds so dramatic to even think about leaving my baby without a mum just to cure my pain but most of the time I feel like she would be better off without me anyway. I can't give her the happy, stable life that she deserves. I literally have nothing but myself to give her...
I don't even know what I'm asking, I just don't know how to deal with this kind of pain.
5 Replies
I think you need to talk to him, explain that you know the treatment he got was not ok, but also explain about pnd or ask him to go to the health nurse with you to talk about it or a counsellor. Its under a year, its an incredibly hard time, but you need to both be willing to try to get through it. If hes not willing to try again, all you can do is ask him and let him know youre sorry and youre willing to work to make it a better relationship with him.
It sounds like you also need support.
I think you need to get yourself off to your GP ASAP. It sounds like you are still in your depression. You are suicidal and need help.
They can help you with a mental health care plan, and medication if necessary. You need to do this wether your partner stays or goes. You need to do this for your baby and You. Your child needs its mother and you deserve to be well.
Please go see your GP as soon as possible. You need to see someone and talk things through with a professional so that things feel clearer. All the best love.
First off, see a GP and get onto a mental health plan. Even have a chat with the maternal health nurse or contact your hospital and speak to a midwife about PND and tell them you're suffering. It's okay to not be okay :)
Focus on getting yourself better and finding ways to cope. Don't hold onto hope about the relationship just yet, allow yourself and your ex time away from one another to sort yourselves out and then if he is willing, revisit in the future when you're more stable.
Friggin guys & their pathetic lack of staying power! They can't be bothered trying to understand & support, they are hugely selfish & immature & irresponsible. Spoken from a mum of 3 whose husband also abandoned me & my kids because HE " wanted to be left alone" .... The sooner you learn to look after yourSelf & don't rely on or need him so much, the better. All the best hun!