Hi IMs
What's your stance on your child/ren school attendance?
A girlfriend says I'm harsh that my son, who is in kinder, has 'only' missed 4 day this whole year and is there by 8.00am on the dot. She has an 9yo who is allowed a day off any time she chooses - 15 days so far this year and no, she is not sick at all. Some times she just wants a break. My gf says I'm being too harsh on my son that may be he wants to stay home a day or two.
To me, if you start missing days of kinder/school that sets a bad precedent. 15 days to me is 3 weeks in just ONE year. She thinks its a joke and rocking up to school 15min late is normal (she showed me the report from last semester. Total times the child was like 25!). She is off school again today because she was a bit upset last night so today they are 'spending day on the couch'... She implies that I don't want to spend time with my son by sending him off to kinder. I can't be the only one who completely disagrees with this logic??!!
22 Replies
My youngest has had one day off daycare. My oldest has had 3 days off school this year. I think attendance is very important and don't agree with taking days off "just because". Plus you can get fined for it these days if they miss too much time without good reason.
I'm with you. I treat school like work. You go unless you're sick. I'd be telling her that I'd appreciate her not judging your parenting - For her to assume you don't want to spend the time with your child is ridiculous and to be honest I would have said something on the spot.
I did reply back that we have special times to spend together, but lazing around all day is NOT my cup of tea. Neither of us would cope well cause there is only so much TV you can watch! Kids like routine and being with friends!
*your kids
Some see it as lazing around, some see it as quality time and fun hanging out with their kid.
The only time my kids miss school is if they're sick, my kids arrive at school at 8.30 everyday too because they like to be early and they have half an hour to play before the bell goes.
I think it's really important to set up good attendance routines when they're young, it sets them up for good habits later in life. Of course sometimes I can't be bothered getting them ready/doing drop offs and sometimes my kids aren't exactly psyched to go to school either but we push through and get the day done, that's how life works!
My daughters friend misses about 10 days of school a month for no reason/ridiculous reasons (2 days off for a dentist check up just last week!? Too tired, too cold, too hot every other excuse you could imagine).
You obviously care about your sons education, don't let your friend make you feel bad for it!
I wouldnt be so quick to judge she obviously values mental health very highly and maybr she has a reason to take mental health days, maybe she doesn't appreciate other peoples time, but theres usually a balance. Im sorry she judged you too she has no right as you also can do it your way, it sounds like you value very highly the education system. My child also has lots of days off, each to their own.
I value mental health very highly, but there is a line between having a day to recuperate mentally and physically (which we all need) vs not wanting to get out of bed/house because its raining. I do value the educational system because the more days the child misses, the harder it is for them to catch up. Its like a jigsaw puzzle - missing pieces keep adding up. Trust me, up until I was 13, I used to miss weeks of school per year due to an illness (totally valid reason). Catching up was near impossible and my own father was a teacher! I could never catch up and made me fall so far behind.
But this is the structure of education you believe in - that doesnt mean everybody does and it doesnt mean youre right. Its sad that you felt pressure and like you were behind when you were also suffering an illness. I guess that exactly why some people look outside the box of mainstream education. Some people define success completely differently. Missing days of kindy has no bearing on the childs performance in high school or success in adult life, thats catastrophising. So you're idea of mental health is to take a day when absolutely necessary, hers is to make it part of their lifestyle, neither is wrong Im sure both of your kids will grow up to be just fine.
I agree about falling behind and struggling to catch up. In year 11 term 2, my grandparents took me on a 14 day trip to Bali and although I took school work, I missed out on so much and I left school after term 3 as I fell too far behind.
Mental health days are necessary and beneficial. Being consistently late or not attending school at all is not even remotely beneficial and it's something else entirely.
Thats according to you, and probably based on nothing more than because its the norm. Many highly ranked systems across the world dont begin formal education until age 8 and there are studies and outcomes to support it. Some kids are just not academic and mainstream school is really hard on them, others are clever and its boring and they really dont bat an eyelid by missing days.
The whole point is every kid is different, every parent is different, neither is wrong.
I agree, some parents are very rigid and others are more go with the flow. Kids need different things to be happy, if a day with mum on the couch is what this child needs, then great. I love watching movies on the couch with my son, it's fun and I am sure he will grow up and cherish those moments when I'm gone. It's a balancing act of what is best for the child and each child is different, so neither of you should be judging. You're not right and either is she, you,parent the child,you have. There's no rule book with parenting, you do what you feel is right.
Yes it seems like she feels judged but actually most of her post is throwing shit at what her friend does and it seems a little bit thats she wants to hear that shes right. The other mother is entitled to have her own feelings and opinions as well. We can all disagree respectfully, so she would give your kid a day off and you wouldn't, shrug it off and move on, youre different, thats all its not a big deal.
You do you, she does her. No need to get so upset about it, tell her it is your business, end of story. Kinder kid versus 9 year old, very different scenarios. As they get older, a mental health day isn't a bad thing, also depends what her daughter was upset about. Don't judge her and tell her not to judge you.
My son has only missed school when sick or had a specialists appointment (2hrs drive one way) and he missed two days for dental surgery.
My nephew who is a very complex boy, is allowed mental health days. He has some challenging issues and school has been a very negative experience for him (except the last 1.5 years). He is allowed one day off a term, it's a day that's negotiated between his teacher, parents and him. It works brilliantly for him, his meltdowns at school have decreased dramatically (from weekly to none).
I was very similar to you. Only stayed home if he was sick (finished school now). How can we teach punctuality, reliability and responsibility without actually modelling and enforcing those traits...
Not your circus, not your monkeys. Don't compare your parenting styles, everyone is different and as long as kiddo is being looked after and loved that's the main thing. Your friend would do well to hold her tongue also.
I'm far more like you - my daughter is on time for school and has only missed a couple of days in her Prep year so far. For us, school is like work in that you go unless you're physically unable. She even insisted that she go the day after suffering a fractured collarbone which left her unable to do many physical tasks, including toileting, independently. The school were wonderfully accommodating.
We are, however, taking her out of school in a couple of weeks for a day as she has the opportunity to attend a very exciting, once in a lifetime, event with her Dad. She's thriving at school and we don't believe it will be detrimental in this instance.
It sounds like you guys are polar opposites, neither wrong- but both needing to mind your own business lol i say that with love btw, im absolutely devastated when my young fella misses a day at child care even, because I feel like sits a missed opportunity to socialise. You're doing a good job and keep on doing your thing, don't let your friend devalue your opinion on this or change your mind 👍
All depends on the child and the circumstances. She can do what she chooses, whatever suits her kid and her family, but it's not up to her to impose her views on you and yours. But the thing is, if she has chosen to enrol her kid in 'the system' i.e. school, then she does need to abide by the rules of 'the system'
My kids have learning difficulties, mental health issues and so on. I make the choice based on what is best for them, we have 'mental health days' but I always ring in and record it as a sick day, I have regular meetings with school support teachers and liaise with the school counselor. Routine and structure is important. Getting to school on time helps reduce my kids' anxiety levels, and improves their attendance.
Ignore her crap. Do what is right for your kid
My parents were very much like you - unless very ill, you go to school. I'd generally miss one or two days at then end of term 2 for dance competitions, one day in August for ballet exams and 2 days in December (generally the last day or two of term) for dance concerts. I guess these were my "mental health" days.
I missed almost a term in Year 6 due to illness and it sucked! Luckily, I had great teachers and was able to have work at home and kept up with my work.
The other thing to be aware of is excessive lateness and unexplained absences can effect your child's ability to move to the next year level (I think it's a total of 10 weeks over the year now but I'm not sure) and can leave you speaking to truancy officers and loosing parenting payments/ Family Tax Benefits. Not to mention the involvement of DOCS (yes, not sending kids to school can come under mandatory reporting guidelines for abuse/neglect).
We employ apprentices...
Let's just say attendances with the under 30's is fairly bad, reasons even worse.
My brother lived with his girlfriend from high school.
Her mum never forced them to go to school. My mum did. Hence my his GF didn't like staying at mum's.
She has never held a job, if she did get a job she was always home sick.
They never have any money as neither if them actually attend work on a regular basis.
My kids are in year 1 and 2.
My girl had a week of last week as she had gastro.
My boy has had maybe 2 days off all year.
Hubby and I put in 15hr days in our business.
Teach them to be resilient, not bail at every given moment.