How do you do it...life this bullshit thing they call life.
I'm a 32yr old single mum with a miss 9 and miss 13 with no family near by and very minimal friebds I work almost/sometimes more then 70hrs a week which I drive 1.5hrs each way to work everyday usually 6days a week,
I budget extremely well but just the cost of living per week for us is huge $1356 which means I must earn over $1500 per week to pay for everything that's EVERY bill accounted for per week including $505pw mortgage repayments.
we have nothing over the top no lavish pay tv or going out for dinners I own my car outright this money is purely living expenses imsurances land rates water power gas $100pw for food so I must work crazy hours because I'm causal and if there's no work next week I won't get money so the extra I earn this week is hidden incase of next weeks possible downfall fml !!
So I'm up at 3.45am leave at 4.30am the missys, get themselves up for school and go they come home to an empty house I do my very best to meal prepare so they can just heat but miss 13 cooks sometimes they absolutely trash my house they leave mess everywhere they do nothing at all im coming home 8pm to a trashed house and they don't care EVERY Sunday is filled with me CLEANING EVERYTHING on my own the bathrooms about 7loads of washing where the hell did it come from they haven't been ANYWHERE!!!!!
They use 1 towel throw it on the floor plates cups just shit everywhere I'm tired and I'm lost I'm sick of nagging yelling and threatening them I can't take devices off them because I'm not here to do so I can't afford a babysitter, id have to work more to pay someone to babysit so I can work more so I can pay them to babysit it's a vicious cycle just like I'm single CAUSE I work to much but I work too much CAUSE I'm single and have to earn 2 incomes to survive.
Life feels pretty shit to say the very least here I am right now sitting on my stripped bed crying because i just found theres dust on the skirting behind and I just don't know how everyone else just does it I'm flat out cooking and keeping the clothes clean let alone the rest.
NOT to mention I started renovating 12months ago and now just trapped in this cycle of shit and don't know what to do....
Am I the only one?
8 Replies
Honestly, I wouldn't keep up and it's not something I'd continue to do! I'd sell the house, or rent it out and move closer to where I work! That's one big huge stress taken and a few hours a day back, straight away.
You don't have to live this way. It isn't worth it.
Sell and rent - no more rates, no property charges on bills etc. Don't do your kids washing, make them do it themselves. If there's no clean clothes, too bad. Wear stinky old clothes. Move the towels, make them use one per week. If it's on the ground and wet too bad.
No clean dishes? Oh well too bad. Stop doing so much for them!
You're doing too much, you need to stop and reassess!!!
My first thought was sell the house and move closer to your job - life is for living, not just existing. All of your time is going into working, your daughters need time with you as well. You're putting a lot of expectations on a 9 and 13 year old
Rent where you need to live and buy where you can afford. Rent out house and move!! Downsize!
Dont the standard is two adults and a two income family. Youre doing it alone and honestly youre busting your ass to afford it. At somw point you have to decide what you can and cant afford and what you are willing to give of home life and self beyond a normal work week.
well done for working hard, crazy hours to support your kids and doing it alone. However this seems extreme, you only have one life dont miss it for money.
You need to decide what's more important.
I thought my partner was crazy giving up a job 30 mins away for one 1hr away, but he's happier so it was worth it. At an hr away he's spending $150 on fuel so most weeks he stays where he's working and comes home on the weekend. While that's not viable for you it's got to get you thinking about living closer to where you work. Whether that means renting out your house and you renting something else, or selling up and downsizing closer to work, you need to live within your means and this includes accommodation.
It's irrational to think a 9 and 13 year old can run the household in your absence, and paint it how you will but this seems to be exactly what you expect. I taught my son to clean up after himself, to wash dishes, to wash his own clothes, to help with housework, to be frugal (try getting a kid in todays disposable work to be truly frugal!) or at least not deliberately wasteful but I did it by being here and reinforcing it every single day. If I'm cleaning on Sunday (well for me it's Saturday as I work Sunday) he's cleaning too. I'll scrub the shower while he wipes out the bath. He'll vacuum and I'll steam mop. I'll cook and he'll do the dishes. I work 50-60 hours per week too, I just have the benefit of living 15 minutes away. It really makes a massive difference.
Also, if you have to take devices away do what I do. They go in a cardboard box in the boot of my car!
You've got this. Deep breath, make plans to get this under control and it'll feel less like drowning.
First of all I would find a cupboard and invest in a good lock.
Then I would get three towels of different colours and allocate one to each person. Lock the rest up. They'll soon learn to hang it up or it'll be wet next time they use it.
Lock everyones clothes up except 1 school uniform and two outfits for the weekend. They can wash their own uniform each night. If they don't it's their problem.
Same with cups, plates, cutlery. If you have 6 of each you can just keep grabbing new ones. If you only have 3 you can only ever have that many dishes.
Once they start cleaning up after themselves and helping around the house then they can earn their clothes back.
I would look at either getting a tennant in or selling or renting out your house that is an extremely expensive week for just living expenses. I have one daughter 5 and I'm 25. My living expenses are $600 a week (I earn $700) and that is including paying a car loan off and paying for horses I have one so have agistment feed etc to pay otherwise my cost of living would be $450 a week for rent bills etc.
As hard as you're working at 13 and 9 that is way to much responsibility to have on your children I was 13 when dad walked out and mum worked the same as you to afford living and I had to look after my 8 year old brother 10 years down the track I still resent having no child hood and having to play adult so young. Sometimes when you think it's the best thing for your children it's not I so wish mum sold and moved to a cheaper area so we had a mum around and not so much pressure on us I know why she did it and understand but I still resent it at times