I need to leave my partner. The only thing holding me back is my kids. We have a 3 year old and I am currently pregnant with our second. My partner is always moody/angry he has no patience and snaps at the drop of a hat. I don't believe he is a good parent he can't handle our child being a normal 3 year old it feels like he is always yelling at him for the tinest things my 3 year old can't do anything with him around. I dread the moment he walks in the door from work the whole mood changes my partner is instantly grumpy, moody and snapping. Mr 3 then starts acting out as he's not allowed to play or do anything as his dad starts yelling. I don't want this life for my kids I want a happy healthy home I don't want them walking around on eggshells not sure when their dad will snap at them. I don't want to be in this relationship anymore I don't love him I don't feel anything for him and quite honestlyI can't stand to be around him most days. His attitude is that horrible it's destroyed the love I had for him. My question is though how do I protect my kids from his behaviour? If I leave he will want custody and that absolutely terrifies me him having my kids without me there. He is not abusive but he's not a good dad. I can't withhold my kids from him but I truly believe the way he treats my 3 year old is horrible, unhealthy and damaging. What can I do? What should I do? I don't want my kids to grow up without a dad but I don't want them to grow up with how he currently is.
How do I protect my children?
How do I protect my children?
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Mental Health, Parenthood Guilt, Baby & Toddler
4 Replies
Get legal advice now. You might find he wont want so much custody anyway as he doesnt really want to do it. Sounds like coparenting will be hard work but always better than cohabiting and this being the childs normal.
Honestly the wanting custody thing is often a threat used in abusive situations.
The chances in Australia of him getting full custody is zero. Even if he actually tries to get full custody. If you have been the primary carer, chances are you'll stay the primary carer.
There is a process in Australia that looks nothing like the systems in the USA which a lot of people base there threats off of.
So family mediation comes first if you both can't come to agreement there, then it goes to court. Even then the lawyers will try and negotiate before you see the judge.
Chances are he'll get a weekend a fortnight and one evening in the week.
But definitely speak to a lawyer.
My ex was exactly the same as what u described and i was scared to leave too!
I eventually got the courage to send him on his way, he threatened to take our 3 kids away from me but after cooling down he realised it would be too much to deal with a baby and 2 2yos.
I worried how the kids would cope with his aggressive and snappy moods but i had to trust him. He wanted as close to 50/50 care as his work hours could allow, so he gets them every weekend
Since our split he has learnt to be a better person, we have a better friendship and we co-parent without issues....we have flexibility for our time with kids, if kids have a friends bday party i am able to take them or if he wants a nite out for a footy game i will allow him that, in turn if an emergency pops up and a kid ends up at doctors or hospital during my time he will take the others so i can concentrate on the sick one....or if its really bad he will be there with us.
My kids may not have both parents living together but we can at least co-parent better today then when we were under one roof.
Was he a moody/snappy person with you? Before you had kids? Is this just his jerk/narcisstic character? Or is he stressed, anxious, depressed, not coping being a father & sole income provider .... I guess you need to try to see the big picture of who & what he really is to/for you & the kids, & do what you believe is right & best. Its good to not let it slide, not to waste yrs of your life & your kids' childhood, if this is all just too wrong & problematic!