IMs I need your help and guidance. After a terrible year dealing with pnd and living away from family due to posting, I made the difficult decision to move home with my 2 children (age 1 and 4) live with my parents while my husband worked away in his posting location for the rest of the year, It was an unsettling and massive disruption for my oldest, but it helped my health immensely and i was able to start work. My father semi retired in july (when we moved up) to care for my 1yr old and school drop off etc. while my mother continued working. It worked incredibly well for a couple of months, my youngest developed an incredible relationship with my dad and was already incredibly loved by my eldest. So heres the kicker, my dad, we have just discovered is on borrowed time. He had advanced cancer that really hit us out of nowhere. We are devastated. 4yr old knows poppy isnt well, and has said he is going to die (she hasnt been told directly ever, but may have heard something, i dont really know). My youngest calls for his pop constantly. My whole family is broken hearted. What do i do for my children. How can I explain it to them, help ease their pain as i know they know something is off and they are reacting. What can I do to make their last (months if we are lucky) with their pop special? Are there any keepsakes you wish you could have gotten, done? Is there books i can read to them? I am open with my feelings with them, they have seen me cry, and we talk about feeling sad and what we need from eachother. Maybe thats wrong, I don't know. I have dealt with a lot of things, but this heartache we did not see coming. I have never seen my dad cry before.
I know i am the luckiest, my dad is the most amazing man. I am sad for my kids and neice and nephews they wont have him around as they grow.
5 Replies
My father in-law died when my eldest was 3 and second was 12 weeks. It was traumatic for all of us the only thing I can suggest is take heaps and heaps of photos. Also he wrote a letter to each of his children and they all got it framed and mounted. But the kids now 10 and 7 don't remember him and the photos help to keep his memory alive
Photos and videos of your kids with Pop! They will cherish them forever.
I am so sorry for you and your family. I think it's bittersweet that you moved closer and have had this time to spend with him before the terrible news, as sad as it is, it's also lovely that you've been close for that time.
Honestly, it sounds like you got this sorted already. There's really not much else you can do but talk and be honest with your kids. There's going to be little things that you don't notice now, but once your family member has passed - they will be big reminders every day. It's the simple things that matter.
Life just sucks sometimes!! And it's not fair!! Make lots of memories while he's here...photos..videos...and just be HONESTwith the Kids, telling them the truth age appropriately...then let them grieve how they need to...I bet your dad's happy he got to spend this time getting to know your little ones..All the best to your family :(
My Dad also is quite ill with Cancer, its really hard to deal with now, i cant imagine when he is no longer here anymore 😢
I have 2 children who have seen me quite hysterically upset, its hard to explain to children but i say to them all the time that every minute spent with Grandpa is precious and what makes him happy is his Grandchildren coming to visit. They help him with watering plants, playing games or just putting a smile on his face.
I take photos every minute i can, just of him playing with my kids or him laughing, anything really.
Im also looking at getting some family photos done with him and all our family, memories for life
I feel your pain sooo much, im so sorry about your dad xxx