I have an amazing hubby, he's an awesome partner, awesome dad and allround an excellent guy so I can't complain. I love him to death and I know how lucky I am!!
But there's a small thing annoying me and becoming a problem, advise please from ladies in similar situations?
He takes our kids to the shops for a walk quite reguarly to get a morning coffee etc and the kids get a toy each time.
Mr6 now thinks every time we go to the shops he should get a toy.
I refuse too but one every time and it's rarely I will buy him one as a treat and I tell him before we go to the shops that he's not getting one, but recently he's been having a whinge when we leave and I haven't let him get something because 'dad lets me'
I've been ignoring this and telling him that dad might let him but mum said no.
This morning he had a massive tantrum after grocery shopping with me while dad at work cause he didn't get a toy.
I spoke with hubby about it when he got back and hubby agreed was ridiculous and we both spoke to son about not expecting things and that toys are a treat and he wouldn't be getting a toy all the time and can't have a tantrum like this morning if he doesn't get a toy.
Hubby took him for a haircut about hour later and I clearly told son, with hubby there saying the same, that you wont be getting a toy, you're going for a haircut and that's it and son agreed
He comes home with a toy.
Am I wrong here? I feel like dads the good guy spoiling them and I'm the bad guy saying no and then to say no he can't get a toy with haircut after our talk and dads just gone against that, am I out of line?
9 Replies
You are not out of line! Dad needs to toughen up! Not on.
You both discussed it, you both agreed, dad caved!
Guess what lesson your child just learnt? Dad will say yes to stuff mum won't and dads a push over. Dad and mum are not a team and dad will give me what I want behind mums back. This is exactly the lesson you don't want your child learning. If hubby doesn't toughen up a bit your child is going to be running rings and dividing and conquering you both. Teenage years are going to be a nightmare.
Being a good parent means saying no sometimes.
Urrrr so frustrating. mine does the same, he's broke but the kids think he's the money man spending it on plastic shit, I hate the example it sets but I don't have a choice. You need to stop putting the kid in the middle and have the conversations directly with each other. Give hubby the strong message that talking and lecturing to the child means jackshit it's what he DOES that has the impact.
Wow! Bit of a dick move by hubby there, I'd be fuming... Last time I checked they don't sell toys at a hairdressers, so he knowingly took your son into a shop where toys would be, he needs to learn how to say no and stick to it and also exhibit a bit of control!
He's currently teaching them that what mum says isn't that important and that he's a giant push over!
Your kids will start running rings around you guys if you don't get on the same page.
I’d be mad about that because you guys agreed to no toy with the haircut, that’s ridiculous. I’d have a talk to hubby tonight when he isn’t around and just you need to work as a team and work together, you’d have agreed on something and felt as though he didn’t follow through with it. Especially a big thing because now your son knows he can twist your husbands finger.
As for the toy business, I have to say quiet regularly “that’s Nan’s/dads rules, but these are my rules and I say no” and my 3 year old seems to understand that, although he is still upset about it of course.
This was my dad and my mum suffered for a while. She stood her ground when out and just went with the flow - after all, getting to spend time with dad wasn't as common as with Mum and he wanted to spoil us and provide us with someone in that time. The way he describes it is that we relied on her to feed and clothe us so saw her as a provider and when he got the opportunity he wanted to provide us with someone :)
Personally, I'd just suck up the tantrums while out and continue with the no toy unless with dad.
My hubby will buy kids toys (our girl was sick, she wanted this massive tiger, he got sucked in and spent $100, I had to watch him waste money because he wanted to make her feel better.
Him and I have completely different ideas on parenting.
Kids are almost 7 and just turned 8 years old. They know who to manipulate to get something. They don't even ask me.
I used to say to the kids "what you get from daddy is not what I do"
But....we respect each other's different style. We may not agree on how things are done, as we are chalk and cheese.
We used to have the I am the correct one war...its not about that, it's about creating a happy loving environment
Start giving a weekly allowance. Like $2. That enough for a hotwheel car or a shopping centre car ride. He can choose to either spend his pocket money or save for something bigger. You say no more random toys you get an allowance instead. He learns the value of money and how quick it runs out. Your hubby may be more likely to keep to that deal because your son will have some money to mess with and if he wants more make him do chores and maybe raise it a max $1 or $2 if he runs out he has to wait.
Yep, that’s what I had to do with my kids. They would go to dad every second weekend where they got virtually everything they wanted then come back to me with “I want, I want, I want”. So I came up with a list of jobs for them to do (eldest was 3 at the time, so it started with only him doing jobs as he was vocal about wanting everything) with the rule being 20 cents a job, with the occasional bonus. At the end of each week would count how many jobs had been done, then count out the required number of 20 cent coins. I would buy cheap toys and books that were kept in a ‘prize’ box, where he could buy a ‘prize’ with his money. When my younger son got a bit older it was the same routine with him. The ‘prizes’ were always things that they were interested in but rarely cost any more than $2. The whole pocket money routine has changed as they’ve gotten older but that initial concept stopped the bulk of requests for things everytime we went out or they saw a toy ad on tv.
Hes 6 now and the toy he wants is cheap, just wait until hes 16 and the toys he wants are hundreds of dollars! Where does the line get drawn?