I am lost.
I have 3 young children (youngest 5mo, eldest just turned 3yo).
We lived remotely. Things got heated one night & my husband slapped me. I packed up the kids and left.
It’s been about 2.5 months now. We have been working on us (kind off - more like pretend it never happened) & he has come down during his time off work to see the kids (3 times approx).
I started texting an old friend (male). Nothing in it, he found out and has now called the marriage off. Says he can’t trust me (I suppose I can understand that) & that he feels betrayed etc.
He read the messages, saw there was nothing in them but still classified them as cheating. Doesn’t understand why I couldn’t speak to a girlfriend about the stuff (just day-to-day chit chat).
Now I’m so upset the marriage is off. But I can’t help feel it’s an overreaction?
But then again.. clearly we have been separated for awhile.. hence why I haven’t taken the kids back home.
Don’t really know what I’m asking. I don’t even know why I was texting the guy. Lonely maybe? I don’t know.
I have had the 3 young kids day in day out. Maybe I was just craving adult interaction? Or was I secretly looking for more? God I sound crazy!
6 Replies
You don't sound crazy!
Honestly it sounds like the marraige was done, but you hadn't really acknowledged that emotionally. It's like when you get the divorce papers. Even if you've been separated for 2 years, it can be an emotional shock!
Honestly it all sounds for the best. Moving past being slapped without some serious work and outside help is unlikely.
Maybe it's a good time to get yourself some counselling to help you sort through your emotions.
Yeah youre moving on. Fair call for him. Now its your move.
cut off the other guy and actually work on your marriage or if its done or youre not working, call it off.
Yep sounds like you’ve detatched yourself from the marriage but hadn’t consciously made note of it.
Time to make some decisions and have a good frame of mind about the choice you make.
If you decide it’s done, it doesn’t mean it’s not going to be upsetting so don’t take that as a sign that you should stay.
If you still want to make things work, it’s just going to take consisten effort on both sides for a while.
Why did you text? Because you're an adult and fucking can! Platonic messages to a friend, regardless of their gender is exactly that, friendly messages.
He wanted out and didn't want to be the bad guy.
Or he thinks he can hold this over you later when he does actually behave badly (ie "remember that time you were cheating").
Let him call it off, fuck him off, work on being happy.
It sounds to me like he is using it as a
Monipulatiin tactic ! You technically called the marriage off when you left .... you left for a reason !!!y
Alarm bells ring that first he’s pretending it didn’t happen (which means your not really working on anything !!) and now he’s calling you a cheater and blaming you for the marriage being done .... he is looking for you to ‘suck up’ for you to come to him and ask for him to forgive you but you have done NOTHING wrong !!! He is still the one at fault !!!! This my dear is gas lighting ! (Making you feel crazy and believe something happened that didn’t in order to make you feel like you need them ) .....
anyway my alarm
Bells are ringing and you did the right thing to leave
It sounds like a get out of jail free card to me. He has hit you and now making you feel bad for having a friend.
Count your blessings that he is gone. Don't try and save it. There are good men out there thay don't hit under any circumstances and let you have friends both male and female without feeling threatened.
Good Luck. You can do it without him. Go see a solicitor about legal seperation.