My child has broken me. I feel like I hate him and cant parent anymore.
Last night I spent 6hrs at the hospital with my 6 year old. His violent he hurt me, his teachers and other kids (attempting to kill them). After 2 suspensions his been expelled. I had my final straw ive been reaching out for help but keeping getting knocked back because its just his ADHD and he doesnt fit the criteria of the services out there. I thought the hospital would be understanding but they treated me like an idiot telling me there was nothing they could do either (even though his a danger to others). It wasnt until i broke down that they finally gave me referrals to the appropriate people. I being a parent is a tough gig, i suffer from anxiety and depression myself, i cant work now and have bills rolling in, I hate my life how could my child do this to me. How can he be so selfish he doesnt give a crap that I have a job to do and bills to pay. My child is that child the one that every parent knows about and stares at. I have to do everything on my own and have no support....I dont even know what im asking I guess i just need to vent.
Parent failure. Not good enough
Parent failure. Not good enough
Posted in:
Parenthood Guilt
4 Replies
I wouldn't look at it as him not giving a crap or doing this to you, I would look at him as a kid that is clearly struggling and desperately needs a lot of help. The whole dynamic and environment sounds very negative at the moment, you need to turn it all around and you need a professional to help you. You have the referrals now, time to do the hard yards, it won't be easy but I'm sure you will get there. The reason could be anything and it is likely to be complx and few different factors (not your fault), but I think a professional will help you navigate and unwrap all the layers. It's terrible that you aren't getting the support you need in our very lucky country (sarcasm), just keep your head above water until you get the help you need. You're doing it all alone, it's bloody tough, I have had to fight to get my son the treatment he needs (medical, not behavioural) and it's so easy to get lost in the system, you need to be his advocate, now you are getting the supports, stay in the system. Honestly, everyome wonders why these terrible things happen, suicide, murder, but the signs were there and they never got the help they needed. Good luck to you, send you love and light at this difficult time.
What area are you in? I think you need to stop blaming your son and direct your anger towards the system that is failing you both. He's 6, he doesn't understand how this affects you, he's screaming out for help... use your anger to get him (and yourself) that help!
At that age he can't comprehend the impact his behaviour has on you, but it's so easy for us to take it personally. If you care enough to reach out then you are a good parent. Don't beat yourself up. I would certainly be looking at diet. Our kids and my brothers' lot as well have to be careful of a lot of additives etc. Try simplifying. Look at what's in the food you both currently eat. Reach out to mental health services in your area, but not the hospital. It's a fight, I know. A dear friend of mine has just been through getting her three diagnosed and it's been a struggle but she got there in the end and now they are getting the support they need and it's making a world of difference. Most of all, don't give up. You can and will get through this, and so will your son. (Oh, and those people who you think are looking at you because you have 'that' child - there's a fair chance many of them are thinking, "ouch, been there with mine too" and actually feel a lot more sympathy for you than you might expect).
Not sure what area or state you're in so I'll suggest some things that you may need to find the equivalent in your local area:
-CRCC (commonwealth respite Carelink centre)
-FSG or similar, you need IFS (intensive family support)
-ed dept student liaison officer and/or district guidance officer
-disability advocacy service
-a good bloody paediatrician
-child community health services ie psychology, OT, Speechy, Physio, social worker
Your child is 6. Early childhood early intervention is 0-7. Push hard to get into services now. Also, with the help of some of the above, you may be able to access the NDIS (if it's in your area) due to him being under 7. The NDIS ECEI does not require a diagnosis to access services, however once over 7, you'd need to 'qualify' with a disability ie ASD as ADHD on its own will not gain you access.
I'm in NSW, I'm a single mum, a 'carer' to teens with various labels and it's a bloody tough road at times. Get some good supports in place for you. Carers suffer burnout and fatigue often, and we commonly experience our own health issues too. I go to support groups where we share our struggles, successes, ideas, tips, have a cuppa, a laugh, a cry and leave feeling a little less alone and isolated.
My mantra has always been "I am doing the best I can with the skills and abilities I have right at this moment" When things are going wrong, or not working, that's the time to go out and gain new skills and learn something new to try.
PS I used to go in and watch my son sleep (he looked so angelic and peaceful) when we were experiencing the constant violence, as it was hard to love him at that time. We're a special breed of parent us special needs mums. Take a bow lady 👏