My son has recently moved in with a girl and her 2 little children after only seeing each other for a couple of months. He has rented a house for them and pays all the bills on his single wage. I know she gets Family payment A or B but stopped her pension when they moved in together. She is now pregnant with his child. Her mother also moved into the house along with her 17 year old sister a few months ago and now the brother has returned from back packing overseas and he too has moved in. The mother is on newstart, the sister on austudy and the brother nothing yet. Now my son is 28 years old and is a wonderful human being and would give the shirt off his back for people to like him. He has Aspergers Syndrome and has worked hard in this world to get to where he is. He has worked for the same employer for more than 4 years and prior to that another employer for more than 5 years. He works with computers and technology and is very smart. but very gullible with some social skills. The mother recenlty has started to pay only $35 a week for rent and food and power ect and the sister pays the same. But for some months paid nothing. The brother pays nothing. My son has tried to ask them to pay more towards living expenses but when ever he brings up the subject his girlfriend argues with him and they refuse to pay anymore money or contribute . I think it is unfair that he has to support the mother, sister and brother along with his girlfriend and 2 little children. He is falling deeper and deeper in debt for the first time in his life. I have told him that these people are just using him and I think he sort of knows that. He feels helpless to do anything as he loves the girl and only wants to make her happy. I feel so powerless to help. He lives 1000km away, so I can;t just drop in to visit but I do talk to him regularly on the phone. I need advise that I can pass onto him. It is breaking my heart.
10 Replies
As a fellow often socially naive aspy!
This is his path to tread and his lesson to learn. There is nothing to be done other than kicking them out or leaving him self and leaving it to the landlord to sort out.
Unfortunately like everyone who gets in to these shitty situations we have to be ready to do that. It can be painful to watch.
Very painful to watch
How big is the house? Call the real estate and tell them how many people are living there, they will be ordered out as only the people on the lease are allowed to live there. Dob mum in to Centrelink shes probably claiming rent assistance from the last place she lived. Same with daughter.
Yep, totally agree.
Tell him to look at the facts, not the words or the feelings. I would say her having his baby will sway him but he should know if it will end eventually hes better off drawing the line and protecting HIMself to look after his baby. Appeal to his sense of parenting now and providing and protecting and saving long term for his child.
Your son sounds like a very caring soul
He is getting the raw deal
You need to take a road trip or a plane
He needs his mummas help
Eughh they are typical free loading ferals. They have found themselves a caring soul and are leaching off him as much as they can while the opportunity is present. These kinds of people have no morals or any form of self respect so they don't care they are sponging off him, as long as it benefits them.
Its a tough situation but i think the best option is to get him to acknowledge, without the landlords approval, these people living there is breaking his lease contract. He could be kicked out himself. It might be the leverage he needs to tell them to go!
If all else fails, take a trip there, offer the fress loaders some money and they will be out of there super fast.
Having coming across this accidentally due to social, I'm lost for words....
I know who this is about, either that, or they're in an identical situation to the person who I think this about...
He has no hope for standing up for himself, he feels like he cant. And whats worse, if someone else tries to help or say something, he gets manipulated like the person who said something is the bad guy...
He's trapped, no other way to say it... and he doesn't know how to try and make things better/right... he tries to talk but gets shot down instantly... the mum is unapproachable due to her nature/characteristics
The girlfriend is starting to see herself that her mother is using him/them which is a sigh of relief, but doesn't help the fact that the damage now is done too late... He's worse than he has ever been before with no way to make ends meet...
FREE LOADERS - USERS FOLLOW UP
FROM LAST MONTH
Last month a mother wrote in about her 28yr son with asperger's who’s new girlfriend along with her family are taking him on a ride and financially using him in every possible way.
I sadly know who this story is about. And my hands are tied and I don’t know how to help. He knows im writing in and asking for help as he isnt able to himself..
The mother in law recently moved out which has been good for him but things at home haven’t changed at all.
The girlfriend is abusive. There’s so other way to put it. She is physically, mentally, emotionally and financially abusing this Poor guy.
He is an aspie and she uses it against him all the time. This poor guy is shutting off and this woman and her family are just using him.
The sister still lives there as does the brother but he apparently will be moving out soon. But the sister and the girlfriend as a family unit they know full well they are taking advantage.
The girlfriend is pregnant and there is an extremely high chance this baby isn’t even his. But she plays so many mind games he doesn’t even know what to think. He knows deep down the baby most likely isn’t his. But the games she plays with his head don’t help once he starts to see the clear picture. He’ll see everything how it is and want to leave. He wants to leave her. He doesn’t want to be with her. But she messes with his head and traps him. He’ll be ready to leave and be so done with everything but she gets in his head. It’s heartbreaking.
The poor guy flew the girlfriend and her two children up to mackay to go see her ex in August which by such chance is also when this baby was conceived. We together sat down and worked out the conception dates the doctor gave and he knows the baby isn’t his. He wants to leave. But she guilt trips him like you wouldn’t believe.
She pulls out on him all the time that he slept with her ex when she flew up there. In any fight they have she pulls this card on him. Because she knows how badly it hurts him and she loves to see him hurt and continues to say things like this and other really hateful stuff tear him down.. She is also constantly pulling the ‘this isn’t your baby’ card. She is absolutely disgusting..
She is constantly hitting him and throwing things at him. She threatens to end the pregnancy all the time as a threat.
The day this guy gets paid she drains the bank account. She has never paid the rent once. The electric, the phone or the internet. He’s getting so far behind in these payments it’s not good. She’s using him for after pay things just so she can have the latest and greatest things. Guilts him into getting things for the kids on afterpay. She’s taking advantage to his kind heart and just walking all over him. She manipulated him into adding a mobile account got herself in his name, on his mobile account and said she’d give him the money to pay for it. Not once has she paid for it and because of everything else she demands he pay for he can’t keep up with everything..
She is constantly hitting him. Punching (even while he is driving) and hurting him physically. Throwing things at him and shoving him all the time and because of 2 things, 1 because he is a real man and prides himself on never hitting a woman and the second because he is an aspie when she hits him he shuts down and just almost zones out because he can’t handle it. He can’t take being touched this way. I would dare say he has ptsd from being bullied so badly in school so this is also why he shuts down...
This woman is a real piece of work.
I don’t know know how to help him.
She is socially isolating him from everyone..
he had a great circle of mates that he used to do competitions with.. but if he was to go see his mates to prepare for a comp she’d tell him ‘if you go I won’t be here when you get back’
She does the same thing for when he’s had competitions. Or even when the poor guy goes to see his own father.
The girlfriend has banned his dad from coming to the house. So I dare say even if his Mum were to have come down to see him and help
This piece of work would have kicked her out...
but for a guy to just go and see his mate the girlfriend will tell him she’ll leave him and breakup with him and never see him again. She threatens she’ll take the baby away and he’ll never see the baby. If he even helps a mate out after work she calls him telling him he has thirty minutes to be home or she won’t be there when he gets back. He’s literally allowed no friends at all. She controls so much.
While his mum and Dad and a psychologist
That he’s seeing are aware of what’s going on.. he hides how bad things really are because of what ever reason.
His mum lives up north and his dad is in the same city. But because this girlfriend is so controlling he never sees his dad. While he still talks to his Mum and dad almost daily he’ll never admit how bad things really are.
There’s occasions where he’ll leave to go stay with his dad for a break or come see me who is his best friend but the phone calls and abusive messages he cops and then the treatment he gets when he gets home it really isn’t ok.
There’s been times when he’s told her he’s gonna go see his dad go hang out with him and she’ll take his car keys and hide them so he can’t leave. Or she’ll stand behind or in front of the car to stop him from leaving.
She throws guilt trips like you have to be home by 7 to tuck the kids into bed (two little kids that aren’t his but he’s raising and doing the best he can for. He pays for everything for them but she on a daily basis shouts to him ‘they aren’t your kids’)
She’s getting him in serious trouble financially and I don’t know how to help.
She loves to cause a scene and draw attention. She’s gone as far as very recently when he was helping a work mate out after work she messaged the work friend asking where he was and to call her etc. she’ll call his work and abuse him down the phone.
I have no idea how to help this poor guy.
He is an amazing young man and so kind hearted and I don’t know how to help him.
I wish I was able to talk to his parents and let them know how bad things really are but I am not able to.
Its breaking my heart to see this woman break down such a beautiful soul.
I’m worried it’ll get to the point where she will have cut him off from absolutely everyone and he won’t be able to have contact with anyone at all and I don’t know how he will manage. As it is. This woman is only letting him chat to his mum and his dad but even with them she limits how much he can talk to them.
I don’t know how to help.
It breaks my heart to see him being treated this way and I can’t do anything.
I’m hoping that his Mum sees this and knows how bad things are and he’s not telling the full story on how dangerous things are and that S is emotionally, physically, mentally, financially abusing him and socially isolating him.
As it stands no one even knows he’s in contact with me. I’m sure if she actually knew she would physically kill him. That’s how worried I am for him. That she threatens things like this so much.
What can I do please? How can we help him. He wants to leave but the hold she has on him is heart breaking.
He's aware ive written this and know's exactly whats been said. He wants the truth out there and he wants help he just has no idea what to do.
Sadly, I am his Mum and I too have now been banned from contacting him.