Tonight after an argument with my partner (short relationship, not married, 7mo together) He threw things across the room at me and knocked other things around the house. He has broken things in our home (rental property) before including punching holes in the wall (while I was pregnant) and breaking door cupboards off in rage.
Tonight I called the police. It’s the first time he’s done this since having a baby and she was screaming and I was scared.
Previously I’ve called family and spoken to doctors and a therapist about it but never called or noticed police.
He left after the argument and I called it in
He came back and told me it’s over
I told him I have called police and he had to leave
He won’t
Currently as I write this the police have not shown up (it’s been about an hour)
I don’t know if I have made the right decision or not
I think it’s mental health and anger issues with him
We’ve been referred to help before but he has chosen to not go every time
And I couldn’t afford to keep attending therapy
Previously this year he has had cancer, surgery and chemo the week before we had our child and then recently he discovered his step brothers body (suicide)
He was getting help through his work in the form of coucelling over the phone for that but has since stopped
I just don’t know what to do and if I did the right thing?
8 Replies
You have done the RIGHT thing and as someone who has been there Please be aware he sill be back in coming days and youll go through a rollercoaster of emotions and apologies but PLEASE do not go back. Its part of the cycle. It wont get better. Please dont do it to you or your baby. Be resolute that is the end. Enough chances you can not have this in your life and with him, you will always have this. If he could stop it he wouldnt have done it all the times he has already, no matter what he says.
This is a bullet you need to dodge, for you and your daughterswell being.
It’s your right to protect your baby girl. I am not one to make excuses for people’s shitful behaviour and honestly, his behaviour is unexceptable BUT it sounds like he has a lot going on.
I feel like if I were you, I’d be making some firm decisions and setting some ground rules for him. HE NEEDS HELP, And he needs to stick to his counseling and he CANT kept lashing out, or it’s done. I’d probably go stay somewhere else for a while (if you can stay with family) or tell him to go for a while until he works himself out. He is too dangerous to be around, especially with a baby girl.
You have 100% done the right thing... regardless of what he’s been through (and it sounds like a lot) he doesn’t get to use you as his punching bag to take things out on - verbally or physically. He’s making the decision to not get help so doesn’t leave you with many options. Sorry but there’s no grey area when it comes to abuse. He stops or it’s over. Throwing things and damaging things is still a violent act and is seen as domestic violence. The earlier you draw a line in the sand the better but if you do be prepared to follow through on it - even if it means the relationship ends. Only he can fix how he responds to things and mange his own anger. Good luck.
You have done the right thing. Yes he may have ‘reasons’ for doing this but it doesn’t make it ok. You can’t help someone that doesn’t want to help themselves. This won’t stop until he takes responsibility. He will come back with lots of excuses but actions speak louder than words. Once you are both calm talk to him about taking responsibility and moving out until he continues treatment.
Tell him your daughter comes first and you are getting a DVO to ensure this doesn’t happen again. If he can’t see that as a positive thing and you being a good mother then you need to start a life without him. Good luck
Keep yourself and your baby safe.
You have definitely done the RIGHT thing.
There is no excuse for making you feel scared in your own home
You made the right decision. Despite his issues, you can't live in fear of his outbursts. He is behaving violently and next time it might be you he punches, not the wall. I hope the police helped you abd took action and put things in place to ensure your safety so you can leave.
No excuse for violence! Ever!!!! Get out, get safe. Now!!! He won’t ever have to change if nothing ever changes. Leave him. Maybe then he’ll realize that he needs to sort his shit out.
Plenty of people get cancer, lose people, experience trauma, etc and they don’t become violent and abuse their loved ones...
Agree with the other posters, I have been there, I'm the gutless coward that is still there putting up with it as I'm too scared of getting out and being alone. Don't stay in it, get out, don't be fooled by the excuses of what his been through, don't think you can save him, you can't, but you can save your daughter, and you can make a positive difference in not wasting your life away for the sake of him. PLEASE get out!