I was in a horribly toxic and abusive relationship for 5 years. I finally got the courage to leave. We have two young children together, 2 & 4. Initially it was hard. He refused to let me leave the relationship. Even went as far as to take the kids from me and refused to give them back until I agreed to stay with him. A week later I packed the kids and went away for the weekend while he was at work, sending him a text to say it was over, he needed to accept that, etc. He rang and we talked, he was mad and sorry and all the excuses I had heard before. Surprisingly, I managed to stick my ground in saying No; and that's when he became nasty. He locked the kids and I out of our house, he froze all our accounts and told us to leave town.I had received death threats from him during our relationship, I was suffering horrible anxiety, and I was scared for our lives. So i did leave town. I moved 4 hours away from all friends and family to feel safe. I told him we would do mediation for the kids and everything else through solicitors, and he refused. The police advised me not to give into visitation without a court order. I left it with my solicitor and applied for mediation. He was seeing someone within a week of locking us out of our house. 11 months later and its still a thing. I have heard he is facing more than 15 criminal charges, etc. Without details, and to put it bluntly, he is a drop kick. No real interest in the kids, just wants to show off to the girlfriend and get the attention from the kids. He doesn't call or message for special occasions like their birthday, etc. Drop kick.
Prior to our relationship ending he looked after all 3 kids (he has a daughter) for 3 hours by himself once. That's it. I looked after her and our boys 99.9% of the time. He looked after our boys one night, when I had to go out of town on two separate occasions. That is it. He didn't ever help with the kids. The first time he had to look after them overnight i had to tell him to take our not yet 1 year old to the hospital after getting a photo from him showing our son supporting a puffy black eye and split eyebrow. It was so bad he couldn't open his eye! Anyway...
Since leaving I offered one weekend a month which is two sleep overs, plus he can visit our new town and see them if he gives me notice, to avoid the kids doing all the travelling. I was driving them back to drop them off, but now I make him meet me half way (he has never once come to see them here). Plus special occasion like Fathers Day, or when he has asked, I have agreed to let him have them. I have agreed to all of this, against my better judgement of him but to avoid court, even agreed to lengthy holidays with him and his new family;
But, now he is now taking me to court for 50% custody of the kids. He is demanding week on week off and I am petrified for my kids sake. I need to hear some advice from other Mums! What have the court made you do for custody? Especially considering the distance and how little they are?
xx
2 Replies
The courts would never grant week on week off to parents who live 4hrs away. What, does he expect the kids attend one school one week and another the next? Given that you’ve always been primary caregiver I’m sure the courts will laugh at him. He may get every second weekend unless of course he is planning on relocating to your new town. If that’s the case then that’s a different story. The best thing you can do is gather as much evidence of his threats and violence as possible and seek legal advice. He can’t go to court without first doing mediation anyway.
This is why they told you do not give him visitation without court orders. its never too late to take that advice. Get a diary and write down Everything. When he had the kids, incidents, messages, issues, make sure it's all recorded.