I love being a mum to my children, but I think I have checked out as a parent. My oldest is still in primary school and I find myself getting angry at the smallest thing , I find myself yelling at her for not listening. Then there comes my toddler and she just destroys everything in her path. So I’m constantly getting angry at her.
I’m just so exhausted from every day life I’m not enjoying my kids and I feel like I’m taking it out on them when they do the smallest thing. I am so scared that they are going to grow up and hate me, because I don’t feel like I am 100% emotionally there for them anymore. I love my kids and I couldn’t live my life without them. I think I just struggle with the doing majority of the parenting myself while my husband gets to be the fun parent.
How do I get myself out of this rut??
I have checked myself out as a parent.
I have checked myself out as a parent.
Posted in:
Parenthood Guilt
6 Replies
Having an age gap like that is so hard especially in the holidays where it's hard to do things to keep them both entertained. It sounds like you just need to recharge for a bit, can you go away on your own for a night or so? You deserve to have some fun as well.
I have a massive age gap between kids. 8years never fact. My oldest was a gem to be around and was so easy. Yet my toddler is stubborn and highly strung. So I struggle massively with her. But I’m afraid my frustration and exhaustion, gets taken out on my oldest as I think she should know better.
I truly hate being like this
I have a similar age gap so I know how hard it is. We can't do simple things like put a movie on for them both because they are too far apart in age to want to watch the same movies and shows. Taking them places HAHA there's maybe a 30% chance a fun place will suit both their ages. I get it, it's really hard! Your parenting twice as much with two totally different strategies for both ages and it is exhausting. You sound like you need to rest and recharge...you deserve it and I hope you get to do it xx
This sounds like either being exhausted or something more, like anxiety or depression. It doesn't always present in sadness or being stressed out. It can be feeling overwhelmed, getting angry at the drop of a hat, being flat or alternatively overly emotional. My anxiety showed itself in getting frustrated and snapping at the drop of a hat, tiredness but not being able to slow down, feeling wrung out and drained by people.
Do you work? Do you have breaks from the house and kids? Have you been to your GP lately? Perhaps make an appointment to talk about how you're feeling. See if you can find some time for you: do something you love to nurture yourself. I personally find working out is something that recharges me and I'm doing something for myself.
1.You never have to be there 100% for your kids. That's a lot of pressure you are putting on yourself.
2.I totally hear you about feeling angry too much. What's helped me is time out (seeing friends, having a break, having regular things to look forward to, reconnecting with things that fill me up like hobbies, gratitude practice - reminding myself daily what I am grateful for ( just because it's relaxing, not because you have to be more grateful), and meditation practice. (the biggest difference to my patience and well-being). Join a group, find a meditation teacher, or use an app or youtube videos. Just start with 10 mins to breathe.
3. Can you talk to your partner about what's going on for you and how unfair it is that he gets to be the fun parent while you do all the hard yards? What could he do differently (be specific) to make it more balanced? Yes, who would have thought we have to have this conversation with men still (have you seen how many hundreds of women a year talk about this fundamental unfairness on this page?) Make some agreements about tasks or approaches (can he step in when kids aren't listening more? It shouldn't have to be you being bad cop all the time.)
4. Find more support for you. It's totally shit what you are going through. You deserve more support. Parenting is hard for everyone. Some kids, some situations are harder to manage than others. Can you talk to friends or family about how it is? Can you get a mental health plan from your GP to see a counsellor? You might be depressed or anxious? For some people medication helps with this, but so does exercise, meditation, counselling etc. Get help, you don't have to be alone with this sense of failure. You are not failing BTW!
5. Give yourself some love. Every day. Just appreciate what you are doing! You are enough! Send the kids and your partner some at the same time. If you have more loving appreciation for yourself, you will be less angry with yourself (and with others, but this is about you). Be gentle with your needs, be kind to yourself. You are really trying.
I send you this love. Mother to mother, woman to woman. XxOo
I have an 11 yr old finishing primary this year, a 10 yr old and a 4 yr old. I feel the same.as you. Going through my fb i used to be so patient with my kids allowed more fun now i find i cant stand it for some.screwed up reason. I am putting it down to being partially depressed and i know i need to work on it. My husband isnt the fun parent af all but extemely strict i think its also rubbing off on me. Being a parent is hard work xxx