Abuser is having a baby

Anonymous

Abuser is having a baby

Hi Mums,
Trigger warning sexual assault

I left a very violent and abusive relationship a few years ago. The father of my children is also my rapist, I manage to flee the state in which we were living in and is he wanted for the sexual assaults in that state.
We have gone through custody but due to the complaint of sexual assault not being finalised during the court proceedings i was forced to accept that he would have the children every second weekend.
His girlfriend is now pregnant and they want me to take the kids to meet the new baby once it's born.
I feel terrible for this woman as the abuse didn't start till after the children were born, it's like he was waiting until I was fully under his control before he showed his true self. She apparently knows all about it and defends him. I feel like she's about to walk into hell and has no idea of what a real monster he is.

The part I'm mostly torn about is that she has said some horrible things about the rapes, laughed and mocked me, but in a sense she has no idea who he really is.

When this starts happening to her I'm torn as to wether I should help her or tell her that she had it coming? She has told me she knows everything and that I deserved it.

Posted in:  Pregnancy

6 Replies

Anonymous

It sorry that happened to you.

I think in simple terms you have to frame his new partner as already a victim. Something about her life has been so damaging that she is conditioned to believe this and think that being with a partner that behaves that way is what she deserves. No normal, healthy person believes or says those things.

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Anonymous

Can you not finalise the complaint and change the orders? Considering this is a real fear and your child will be staying in that house I would want her onside for my own info to protect my child.

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Anonymous

She laughs and mocks you? She's aware of the rapes and sexual assaults but defends him and thinks its funny? Fuck her.

She's made her own bed, let her lay in it. I wouldnt think twice about letting her handle it on her own if that were her attitude.

In terms of your kids meeting their baby, that's up to you. Just because its what they want, doesn't mean you have to oblige. I wouldnt.

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Anonymous

1. Not your place to take your kids to see the baby, it’s his baby so it’s his job, he gets the kids every second weekend anyway, he can wait!

2. No one deserves to be raped, what she has said is appalling!! I wouldn’t be helping her if he does it to her or telling her she had it coming!!! If she already knows what you went through, then she already knows what he’s like, just know if he does do it to her and your proceedings in the courts hasn’t finished it may just help your case!

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Anonymous

I want to start by saying I'm so sorry this has happened to you.
The other people on this post are right, normal people don't say things like that - so as far as that goes the advice you've gotten already is great advice.
I wish to share my experience with you something similar to your own.
I also had a child to an abuser whom i left and he was having a child to another girl who saw the world the same way this particular woman you're dealing with does - he did no wrong blah blah.
I went my own way - let them get on with their life, maybe he's changed? I knew he hadn't when i went to pick up my child one day without the ex there i saw a bruise on her arm but she seemed different- scared?
In a moment of pity i gave her my phone number and while i couldn't offer her assistance to get her out or be her friend - i told her if she ever needed someone to back up her story about the abuse that i would do it.
Because i know and have lived with what he was like.
I did have to back up her story and in return she backed up mine which helped with the custody.
Two people telling the same truth is a different boardgame let me tell you.
I guess my point is: Yes, fuck her. However, if you see signs of abuse being repeated you could probably help each other against what could become a common enemy.
Until that day, (if it comes) live your life Queen because you got out of a bad deal and you can go live your best life. All the best.

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Anonymous

My neighbour was a DV now he has a new partner with kids. I know he will repeat as his ex was one of a few. All you can do is let them go on their journey if they know about the past. I helped the last one as she asked for help. You cannot help anyone who doesn't want it.

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