Help with 15 year old daughter needed. My daughter keeps sneaking out of Home at night. I never hear he go or obviously I would stop her. Most nights she comes back as soon as I ring her after discovering she isn’t home but last night she didn’t come home until 5am.
Her brother has found a secret Snapchat Account she has and there are videos of her drinking. We found a small amount of dope in her room. I don’t know what to do. Her behaviour is very worrying. If I tell her she’s grounded she waits until I go to work in the mornings and leaves the house or has her friends around. I am a single mum (dad has not been in her life for about 6 years) who is trying to do the very best I can. I also have an 18 year old son who was the total opposite of her! Where did I go wrong and how can I change her behaviour?
I’ve tried talking to her and she either shrugs her shoulders, says whatever or totally ignores me. Please help
Daughter sneaking out
Daughter sneaking out
Posted in:
Teenagers, Tips and Advice, Drugs & Alcohol
8 Replies
Time to be harsh. Remove her phone. No phone=no snapchat! No internet. Change the password or disconet the wifi!
You haven't done anything wrong but you need to help her rectify her behaviour.
Channel her behaviour into something positive. Sports, activities, school, arts, crafts, social events.
Does her school have a social worker or guidance counselor? Having a chat to them would be a good start, this is their area of expertise - hopefully they can give you some suggestions on your next move. I think a trip to your GP would be a good idea too, acting out and abusing substances in teens often goes hand in hand with mental illness and low self esteem (particularly with girls). Another thing I'd think about is contraception and safe sex, the last thing she needs while she's travelling down this slippery slope is to get pregnant or STIs.
I wouldn't take her phone, she's likely still going to sneak out and you need to be able to contact her if she does (and vice versa if she finds herself in a precarious situation) but I wouldn't be paying for credit or the bill - in fact I wouldn't be giving her money period. If she has no money, she can't buy grog and dope (her friends will only shout her for so long, this stuff's expensive!). I also don't think coming down on her like a ton of bricks will help either, it will more likely push her into being more defiant and rebellious. I would be really trying to determine why this behavior is occurring. I remember doing all this and more at 15, a huge part of it was peer pressure, I was not a cool kid therefore I was often the butt of mean jokes and bullying. I think part of me wanted to do this stuff to be seen as "cool" so I'd be left the hell alone. Part of me was having fun - though the fun was only temporary, it was an escape from the stuff going on in my life that at the time I didn't have the capacity to articulate or even fully understand (often you will just get a shrug or an 'I dunno' with teens because in this sense they are still quite child like. They often really struggle to verbalize their problems). 15 is a really tough age!
Sending you strength Mama Xx
Move if you are renting. New school, new friends. Get her into a psychologist and get her into sport. Keep her busy
Organise counselling for her. Get her employed or enrolled in tafe when you are at work. Lock the doors from the inside with a key that she can't get out at night. Remove all social media and phone privalages. Tell her you love her, but will not support or enable the behaviour.
Hi IM,
My step dad removed all of the 'taboo' about drugs, alcohol and cigarettes etc for me. He sat me down at about 15 years old and said 'I know you're probably curious so if you want to try a cigarette, have a drink, even drugs, ask me and you can try it at home. I just want to know you are safe and can't get hurt.' He also gave a very basic phone. Ie text and calls only. The more you restrict her the more she will rebel. Remove the taboo and tell her that you trust her to make her own choices and talk to you. Treat her like an adult and say as an adult if she breaks the law you have to call the police and they will treat her as an adult too. Also explain that sometimes you won't agree with her choices, however you respect that she is capable of choosing herself.
Controversial attitude I know. However it worked for me as a teen, took the rebellion right out of me. Maybe it will help you.
Lucky you didn’t get addicted
Nothing lucky about it. It was always an open and honest subject. He trusted me to be honest with him and I trusted that if I wanted to try something I could do so at home without getting into trouble. This was proven by him the first time I asked to try some alcohol, he bought it, I had a drink with him at home and I never asked to try anything else. I knew he would follow through on the offer, he knew I would ask.
You did nothing wrong but kids are faced with all sorts of things: drink, drugs, sex, partying and they can quickly get involved in things and go down the wrong track. Get a psychologist referral by your doctor, she will get 10 free sessions a year, and so will you. Reach out to your local womens center for help. Sleep in her bedroom if you have to, get a lock on her door- if you need to lock her in: do it. Take everything away from her, all privileges and she needs to earn things back to earn your trust. Talk to her- sit and talk, find out what issues she is having. Educate her on drugs, alcohol, sex, show her the very worst that can happen. Talk about her future, where does she see herself, talk about things you can start now to get her there.