So my kids have a neighbourhood friend..she is at our house most of the time.
When i take my kids places she usually comes and her mum has taken my daughter to places a few times also.
I always give me daughter a little cash if she goes with them at what i think the activity would cost.
Anyway question is.. is it rude to tell her she can come to "this place" if her mum can give her 5-10 dollars?
Normally i am quite happy to pay because most places are cheap.. but if my kids invite friends over aswell it starts to really add up when it is 5+ kids!
I always feel super rude saying it. I know 5 to 10 dollars is not alot but im also quite stingy 😉
Edit.. just thought id mention this child is at my house all the time.. so i either invite her, or send her home and have her feel left out.
Which makes me feel bad aswell
10 Replies
Asking parents to pay their kids admission to a play centre or the movies etc is definitely not rude (unless it's a birthday celebration, in which case I think the financial side still falls to you).
Asking for money for just a regular play date or for lunch money etc I think is rude though (asking them to bring a packed lunch is OK though)
Just my opinion anyway
I think if you are happy to invite extra kids then you need to be prepared to wear the cost especially if it's a 5-10 dollar thing. If you can't afford to take extras, don't invite them.
I would feel differently if it was a big ticket item and a once off event.
Its either invite her though..or send hee home and have her feel left out(she is literally at my house all the time)so id feel rude either way
Sends her home. It’s not rude. Your family has plans, it is not convenient for her to be at your house anymore. She is not your child, you do owe her time or activities.
Absolutely send her home! That's totally normal and reasonable to say we have plans at such and such time so you need to go home or be picked up at X time. That's a healthy boundary to set.
Sending her home is okay, so is inviting her but telling her only if her mum says its ok and it will cost $10.
Its not rude to send her home at all.
Your a neighbour, not a paid day care service. My sister often sends home the neighbours kids if they have other visitors, plans, or simply because they have been there all day amd shes had enough lol.
Just say ok sweety we have to go out now, we have family plans so its time to go home.
I think its more rude her parents havent offered to pay on the occasions you have taken her!!
I was going to say I'd be annoyed if my kids were regularly invited to places they needed money for but that was before I realized this child is always at your house.
I'd call her mother everytime it happens and just say "We're going to the cinema, little Mary is welcome to come if you're happy to pay for her ticket or I can drop her off on my way by".
That way it's all on her mum.
I'd find it more rude that a child was at my house all the time without the parent/s taking any responsibility for their needs really.
If you know in advance that there's plans on a certain day to go somewhere, hit up the mums to give them notice. "This Saturday we've planned to go to the indoor playground and there's room for XXX to come if you like, drop her off at 8am with her $5 admission and don't worry about lunch as we're taking a packed lunch, I can pop in an extra sandwich and some fruit for her too".
Or let mum know in advance not to let them come to your house, "we have to go out on Saturday at 8am so if you could keep XXX home that morning?".
If it's a spur of the moment thing that will cost a significant amount of money and you don't want to have to cover it, don't openly discuss it. Call mum on the side and just say you've decided to go to XXX for the day and you're happy to take her kid, what it will cost and what to provide (lunch, swimmers, towel etc). Let mum decide, then if she says no just tell the child "Hey honey, time to go home now as we have to go out".
None of these are rude or unfair.
Seriously....unless you're loaded its a huge thing to be paying for someone else's child constantly! I'm sorry but it sounds like you've gone beyond being a good neighbour to this child and good on you..but let's be real..it all adds up..and if you're sending money on their outings then the mum should at least acknowledge this and let you know if she can't afford your outings..if your not comfortable asking for the money then this child will survive being Sent home occasionally when you want to go out so don't stress..it's hard enough affording outings for your own family these days so you've done well doing it for so long :)