So i have two children, 8 and 10 years old.
Over this school holidays ive had their friends or the neighbourhood kids over every single day. I love it. I love that they are having heaps of fun and keeping busy. I love taking them all for outings and for lunch and what not..But.... i hate doing sleepovers! They have asked me all holidays and i have said no every time! I can have kids here all day not a worry but when 7 to 8 pm hits i want everyone to go home so me and the kids can just have some downtime.
Im a single mum so bedtimes have always been my downtime.
Am i super selfish saying no all the time?
My youngest has had a couple of friends sleepover before. One good friend of hers has stayed over about 8 times but she has only lasted the whole night about 4 times as she gets homesick.( i do try my hardest to make sure shes comfortable as i know what gettiing homesick was like at that age)
My youngest daughter also gets home sick so the couple of times shes been invited for a sleepover she has declined.
My eldest has only had one friend sleepover before.. that was about a year ago! She has not been invited to any sleepovers
i know this probably makes me sound really selfish! But i just dont enjoy them..
And honestly a couple of my kids friends are a bit of a handful and quite demanding. (my kids can be to of course, but their mine 😋) and by the time its gets late i just want to rest.
(Totally firstworld problem i know!)
Does anyone else feel the same?
Should i just get over it and say yes?
I know theres loads of fabulous mums who always do the sleepover thing. I wish i were like you guys! How do i learn to love it?
6 Replies
You are not selfish, and your kids are not damaged.
I totally get you, on every level lol.
I don't do sleep overs at my house for a few reasons and I don't feel even the slightest guilt!
1. I don't drive - Probably a bit irrational but I worry something may happen in terms of an emergency or I can't drive them home if they want to go home etc.
2. I'm not someone who's a natural with kids, I'm great with my own but I never know how to comfort someone else's kid, how to discipline them if need be, how to enforce rules from their mum and dad etc.
3. Like you I am very strict with bedtimes because night time is my only time I get and a lot of other families are a bit lay in that department and don't go to bed til 11pm. I know it's only for one night but I'm very introverted, I physically need that time to recharge.
4. My son's bestie is also a bit of a handful, great kid don't get me wrong but he's your typical silly, hyper 10 year old boy who needs constant entertainment - the polar opposite to my son who's very quiet and enjoys doing his own thing (he's also quite introverted so by the time his friends go home he looks exhausted, probably why he's never asked to host a sleepover lol).
I'll revisit this rule when my kids are teenagers, when they're only interested in retreating to their bedrooms, they're more capable of looking after themselves and want to be left the hell alone by me haha.
I have my own kids now and when I was raised my mum had no sleep over policy, even I wasn’t allowed sleep overs till highschool haha, but I turned out fine.
It wasn’t my mothers idea of a good time and we had a routine to stick too
Whilst I hated it especially when I hit the age of becoming more independent but my mother was firm on no sleepovers and now I’m adult with kids I turned out fine! :D
Do what suits you, your house hold etc
Not every parent has to enjoy sleepovers, do what suits you, it’s not selfish and it was all be okay in the end.
I’ve had a sleepover at my place and to be honest it was the worst put my daughter out of her routine and I didn’t sleep well at all that night so I won’t be encouraging, id be more okay with her sleeping over at there place than my own providing I’m comfortable.with her going etc.
There’s guilt in everyday parenting, don’t feel selfish because it’s not ‘you’ my mother wasn’t into it either, and whilst I fought against it, it wasn’t allowed till I was at a more mature age. Don’t stress just do you :) your kids will get over it lol.
My child won’t be doing sleepovers either.
He has his cousins sleep here...but he’s not sleeping there.
We have routines, strict dietary guidelines, and everything s child could want here.
But to be honest, my son has never asked to go there. I think his cousins pester him so he asks me, but he never looks thrilled at the prospect 😂
Sleepovers will always be a no with me. If they want sleepovers...wait until high school.
I'm not a fan of sleepovers either so I would continue to say no.
Why feel bad? Give you and your kids a break. You are teaching your kids how to be ok at home on their own, to have downtime to recharge, and to value family time. You don’t have to fill every moment of every day with people/stuff/busy.
I’m an introvert so there’s no way I would be doing what you are currently doing, but my kids are not that social so it all works for us