I’m keen to get opinions and a healthy debate going about sharing.
My son recently was playing with friends and had bought his toy with with him, typically the other kids wanted his toy but my son didn’t want to share. The parents told him he could have it for 5 mins and then the other kids could alternate turns.
I have this strong opinion that it’s my kid’s toy and if he doesn’t want to share it then he doesn’t have to. There’s nothing stopping those parents bringing toys for their kids to play with so why does mine have to give up his toy for them?
I’m all for encouraging sharing in the sense that If he has friends over and there’s a large variety of his toys he can choose some he would like to share, but he doesn’t have to share absolutely everything.
How do you all feel about sharing?
14 Replies
Depends where you are and if you came to play with that child. It wont go well if your child expects to play with his toy and have the other child watch or not.
All that aside, the other parent has no right to say that unless youre not there to sort it out. Children need help navigating these situations theyre not cut and dry. Teaching them to speak up, to meet their needs but to also problem solve and compromise so everyones happy is necessary, but of course we dont all have the time for it every time so in those times its fine to say share it, take turns, or put it away and play with your friends.
I disagree with you. If a child, whether it be mine or someones elses brings a toy that child needs to be preprared to share. I have always said that to my kids, sometimes they would take the toy and sometimes when they didnt feel like sharing then they wouldnt take anything.
I disagree.
I think there are situations where your child shouldn’t have to share. For instance, you take your kid to the park by yourselves, he doesn’t have to share with random kids playing at the park.
But if you go to someone’s house for a play, or even meet up with friends for the purpose of them playing together, then your child should be willing to share/play with it together or leave the toy home.
You’re right, there is nothing stopping other parents from bringing toys - but maybe they deliberately left their toy at home so the the kids could actually play with each other or maybe they would have appreciated a heads up that your child was bringing a toy that he was not going to share so they would need to bring their own.
I don’t make my kids share everything but I also inform them prior to certain events that if they choose to take a toy with them they will need to share it with other kids. They then make the choice to take it or leave it at home.
Agree with everything here and this is the way i parent too.
I disagree with you.
I've always told my kids from the get go - if you're not willing to share the toy with other kids, you don't take it. Doesn't matter if we're going to a public space, someone else's house or anywhere else. They also understand that other people have different rules about this stuff so they'd never just go and help themselves to someone else's toy but they very well may ask to have a turn. I don't think there's any harm in that. I saw a kid at the park one day with a heap of dinosaurs, of course all the other kids wanted to play because - hello dinosaurs, how fun! He wouldn't share and would scream in the other kids faces if they got too close and his mother kept coming over swatting other kids away, I thought that was rather ordinary.
If we have kids here and they bring toys they're either shared or their parents can put them away (or I'll put them up if parents don't stay for the play date).
I just think it's easier to bring none or you share.
Just for a bit more perspective, we went to the park and his friends so happened to be there and it’s his comforter.
My son was very particular about his comfort teddy so for that reason if teddy left the house with us and we got to a place with other kids (ones we knew personally or otherwise) teddy went straight in my bag, no arguments. For 2 reasons really, One being that if we lost him I wasn't even prepared for that to be a possibility lol. Two being that kids see a toy and they want to look or play with it, it's what they do. So fine if my son wanted to bring him but I wouldn't allow him to dangle the bear infront of the other kids like a carrot infront of a donkey and have him crack it when he wouldn't want to share.
So just my opinion but I think it still stands, if it's not something you want to share it should be kept away. It makes everyone's life easier.
Yep, he doesnt have to share his things. Others dont take the same care with their belongings so they can choose not to have others play with it.
In that case, if youre playing with another child and dont want to share and they want it, you can say once this is not something I share, if its becoming a problem its best to put it away.
No he should not have to share! And all these people saying so are wrong in my opinion. As adults do we have to share? No, then why treat children with less respect? Forcing kids to share just builds resentment and makes them more deceitful, how about giving them choices. They will share when they want to, just like us adults do.
My kids are given a choice.
You can bring the toy and be willing to share or you leave it at home/in the car if you don't want to. What they decide to do is entirely up to them.
Adults have the capacity to understand, children don't, especially if the non sharer teases the other kids with said toy. I've seen far too many kids be like "Look at my cool toy, it's mine,you're not allowed to touch it".
No ones suggesting he should be forced to share the toy, just that if he wasn't willing to it would have been easier to say "This is a special toy, I might put it away as little Tommy doesn't want to share it right now"
In this situation (going to the park ) I allow my Kids to take their comfort toy In The car but it stays in the car ! When my eldest was 2 he was so attached to his buzz light year toy and being a fresh young parent (haha) I let him take it everywhere ! One time we went to the park and my son put buzz down for I swear two minutes (not long ) and ran to the slide , I didn’t realize at first and followed him as soon as I realized he wasn’t holding buzz I turned to go back and couldn’t see him anywhere ! In the small time frame of us walking across the park (it was busy there too ) someone had picked him up and ran off with it .. we looked EVERYWHERE and he was no where to be found :( (was a sad day ) my son was devastated ! Worst part was they had changed the design of the buzz toy when we went to get a new one and my son knew it wasn’t the same so he was sad for a long time !!
From that day on toys can come I. The car but that’s where they stay Incase they get
Lost ! My younger two just learnt it .
As another example though if we take buckets and spades to a sand pit at the park then I tell my kids to share of the other kids want a turn .... but also if it’s time to go and another kid is playing with it I don’t hesitate to ask for it back .... though I wouldn’t set time limits .....
I have a strong opinion on this. If you don't want to share toys then you don't take it to a friends house.
At the playground I don't expect my child to share his toys with strangers but with friends, he should absolutely share.
If it's a friend of his or yours he should learn to share. What's the worst that can happen? He grows up to be considerate? He shouldn't have to share with strangers though. My son has a teddy that he never put down... Even at 6 he still says it's his best friend. Taking turns would have been traumatic but in those situations we just had an adult join in the play making teddy talk so that it interacted with both children.
My rule is, if you dont want to share it because its new/don't want other children to wreck it, do not bring it.
If its to the park or wherever, the toy can come for the ride but MUST stay in the car.
I had a friend whos kid always brought his latest new toy but didnt have to share it. It was so annoying because he'd behave all smug about it and show it off and then say "my mum says i dont have to share with you."