I feel alone. I had my child when I was 17. I was always an anxious teenager. I'm now 21 and I do not have any friends. I put myself out there, I'm at university and I'm involved in a society that I spend a lot of time with. However, none of the people care for me. When it's time for a social i'm usually outcast, no matter how much I try to join in. I'm always just going to be the mother.. No-one asks me how I am, they're only interested in my son. No-one cares about me as my own singular person, I'm just the one with the kid and I'm the only one with a kid. No-one else within my reach at university has children. It's hard. I can't do it anymore, I feel lonely. My partner who isn't the father, is also at university and he gets lots of opportunities. He gets to go out, stay late, live in accommodation, meet new people and he's even studying abroad next year, something that I cannot do with a child. I'm so alone in this world. I don't like being me anymore, I don't even know who I am anymore, I'm just this blank person who happens to be a mother.
I'm exhausted and I don't know what to do to make people understand I am my own person. I am not identified by the fact I'm a mother.
Does anyone else feel this way?
Does anyone else feel this way?
Posted in:
Self Care, Parenthood Guilt, Baby & Toddler, Kids
2 Replies
I think a lot of mums feel this way at some point. I certainly have felt that way at different times. It really shakes your identity and makes you feel like you aren’t your own person at times.
I often don’t mention I’m a mother in certain social situations.
I had 3 children by the time I was your age, there was a good chunk of time where I felt like I was little more than a baby making machine, I was also quite lonely. I think people forget that you're still a person with interests and goals outside of being a mother, they forget that you still like to be included in social events even though you may not be able to make it to every one but it's nice to be invited, they forget that you have other things to talk about other than your kids. I remeber opening the door for visitors when my youngest was born, feeling like the walking dead. They'd push right past me going "where's that baby? I want some cuddles", it's like, "shit, I'm fine thanks for asking!?"
I think a lot of what you're experiencing is part and parcel of being a teen mum though, most of your peers wouldn't have anywhere near the responsibilities that you do, some of them probably still live at home living a carefree lifestyle and possibly still relying heavily on their own parents, it can be hard to relate to people who are at a different life stage. It can very easily make you feel like an outsider.
It's OK to feel a bit resentful sometimes but don't let yourself become bitter, you will find your 'people' I promise, probably when you least expect it.