Has anyone ever cut family members off because they make absolutely no effort with you and your kids?
My mum passed away 5 years ago and I guess I'm finding she was the only one who would genuinely ask me how I am, and care about anything happening in my life. My dad and sisters never see me, my kids or ask about us. They wouldn't really know much about our lives.
I know it's a 2 way street but I put so much effort into messaging them or seeing them, to only walk away feeling worse because they never have any interest in us, or anything I say I feel so judged about.
I know everyone has their own lives and they're busy, but it seems the only time I hear from them is when they want something. Is it worth keeping relationships with them when there's Basically really nothing there?
***edited to add-
Distance isn't an issue either. One sister lives 45 mins away and my dad and sister literally live up around the corner.
They've been to my house maybe 2 or 3 times?
6 Replies
I cut ties with my mother 10 years ago for this and a few other reasons. Prior to our falling out she really never bothered with me or my family and when she did it was to put me down. My son was born 6 weeks early and she didn’t even call me or send flowers. I live interstate, as does my brother, and she always made excuses why she couldn’t visit me but always had the time to visit my brother. We made 3 trips in 3 years after our son was born in 2003 and even though we stayed at her place she never really wanted to spend time with us, and the one & only time she did visit us (2007) she put me down in front of my husband and his family. When I put her on the plane to go home I decided I was done. Haven’t spoken to her since. Have lost my dad and 2 grandparents in that time & didn’t attend any of the funerals because I knew she would just make a scene. She has tried to contact me a few times over the years but I am not interested. We were never close. I also have 2 younger siblings who I don’t see because she turned them against me. Thank goodness I have wonderful in laws who treat me better than my parents ever did. Walking away was the best decision I ever made.
I want to do this with some of my in laws. They never come to my kids birthday parties or any events, it's always the same excuse too. I've just stopped inviting them and don't really talk to them much anymore. I do attend some of their events but not all. My kids notice they're never at their events as well and have asked why which is upsetting.
Although I agree walking away from your mum was fine. You walking away may have made your siblings feel you walked away from them too. So it doesn't seem hard for your mom to "turn them against you". Not saying you didn't have the reason. But abandoning everyone else, or not going to the funeral for issues with your mum is just harsh to me.
My cousins and most of my aunties and uncles. I’ll be polite at family gatherings etc but I’m not putting effort into these relationships. I wouldn’t snub them if I saw them in the street but I wouldn’t call out to them and would prefer they didn’t bump into me 😂.
It annoys my mum a bit and occasionally I’ll hear on the grapevine that my cousins want to ‘catch up’. Well if they want to catch up then we would have caught up by now.
Absolutely. If you know for a fact there's no extenuating circumstances then let them fade away.
I get what you mean.
I haven't actively cut off my parents but I don't waste my energy trying to have a relationship with them anymore either.
My dad has been busy playing happy families with his wife and step daughter for the last 15 years and my mum just lives in her own little self absorbed world and forgets her children and grandchildren even exist. I see them both a few times a year only because my dad feels obligated and because my grandma gets on my mums back about putting in effort, so again we see her because she feels obligated.
I don't force it anymore, I've just accepted it for what it is. Not much more you can do really!