Does anyone else feel like they have completely screwed up their life?
I am a mother of four to three different men. I was a teen Mum and now approaching 30 I have separated six months ago. I feel like dirt. When I meet people I try to avoid explicitly describing my children’s family make up because I am ashamed of myself.
I no longer trust myself to go into relationships as I have a history of entering violent relationships and clearly can’t identify negative attributes before it hits me directly in the face.
I’ve studied over the past ten years and worked sometimes full time others part time. I manage to do well and obtain honors or high distinctions much of the time but I switch my fields of study often because I feel like I won’t do well in that profession.
I am now in a place where I can’t look at myself in a mirror. I have gone from a size 8 to a 14 since having my babies. My face is constantly flushed and i’m always sweaty, with frizzy crazy hair and swollen eyes. My acne is out of control everywhere not just my face. I am always exhausted which is I guess normal for a mother of four to an extent.
I just really cannot stand any part of myself. I am the sort of person that is accepting of everyone regardless of their background and understand that mistakes are learning experiences etc. but when it comes to myself I just am so ashamed. I feel like I should have done so much better and I am just going in circles making a perfect example of a useless, unattractive and failing person.
When I do have some success I brush it off with a ‘but I could have done better’ or ‘but that would have been handy to have done four years ago’ and that’s the nice ones. I am going through a bad separation from a very physically and psychologically abusive relationship which is not helping I am sure but is there anything that actually would help?
9 Replies
You are in an abusuve relationship with yourself! You tell yourself you are crap all the time.
I can so relate to this, because I've been there.
In the end I went to see a psychologist and worked hard about turning my thought patterns around. It's made a huge difference to how I feel about myself and my life.
From the little I read about you, I took away the following:
1. Honours and high distinctions? Youre obviously EXTREMELY intelligent and hard working.
2. Mother of four, on your own, I struggle with one, so clearly an amazing and hard working parent.
3. You end up in relationships with losers because you are obviously compassionate and caring and give people the benefit of the doubt.
4. Always worked whilst raising four kids, holy crap, again hard working and a great role model to your kids.
5. Got yourself out of three abusive relationships and still standing, add strong and brave to the list.
Imagine what the people who love and care about you would say, I just got this from what you wrote and you clearly don’t like yourself! Get yourself some counselling, build yourself up, with your intelligence, you are going places, you have a bright future, you just need someone to help you see that ❤️
You’re such a sweetheart! OP, this! I’m actually feeling a littleness useless now, I struggle with my 3 kids WITH the help of my husband! You rock ♥️
It sounds like you have faced some large, long term adversity, and it has affected you and your self worth to this point. Being a teen mum you would have faced ongoing judgement and negative experiences, being a mum of four before thirty has changed what you can 'accomplish' it's changed what your whole adult life has been about so far, so much that it's affected how you see yourself to this extreme low. Ti me, it sounds like you're being really hard on yourself and expect that people are judging you just as harshly. I think you need a psychologist and possibly meds if they advise it, take all the help you can get, but they will be able to help you turn this around.
If I don't find anyone in a certain amoint of years I'm going to have more children by myself. I only have one atm so him and my future children will all have different dads. Do I care what people think? Nope. You don't need to explain your children's family relationships to anyone except for those you need to
Yes this is me also, turning 30 in a few weeks, I have 3 children 3 different men and a failing relationship to the father of my 3rd it seems to be heading in the same direction as previous relationships, always feel no matter how hard I try I just can't get it right and I'm so blind to see the signs in the beginning. I'm also everything else u mentioned as wel,l could of wrote this post myself. Don't have any advice but just wanted to sympathise with you and let you know you are not the only one in this position. I really hope things get better for you hun xx
Oh hun, you need to go easy on yourself ♥️ I can tell that you adore your babies and wouldn’t change them for the world, each of them was meant to be, and who cares if they have different dads, they have YOU! You sound incredibly smart and it also sounds like it’s time to focus on you. I believe everything that happens in our life is meant to happen, and if you can take a positive out of it all it will give you a brighter outlook for the future, don’t live in the past, it’s over, live for today and tomorrow. You have huge potential 😘😘😘
You've obviously reached the point where you can recognise your mistakes and have Hopefully learned from them..now it's Time to recognise your strengths and move forward..you absolutely cannot change the past..but you can decide your future...stop feeling sorry and look at what you have..four children that are in your care so I'm guessing you're doing ok at the mum thing?? Check! Intelligence! So choose a field that works with your family and get a job...I'm thinking you may need counseling to help
You heal...that's ok! Pick yourself up sister and show those kids what your made of....stay away from the dirt bags!! We all deserve better!! would love to hear how your story ends/begins :)
Go see your GP and ask to see a psychologist who specializes in DV. You gotta start believing in you. A psychologist will help build up your confidence and self love.
Commit to a loving relationship with yourself, and only once you treat yourself right, can you expect a man to do the same.