I really just need to lift a weight off my shoulders, sorry for the long read but as i lay here in bed tonight with tears filling my eyes I just to reach out.
At the age of 20 i stopped having anything to do with my parents as i found out my father had been molesting my younger sister, I tried to put a end to it by contacting police ( yes I believed my sister as he had molested me on a few different occasions at a very young age) I did try to speak up back then but nobody believed me, I felt helpless and afraid ( he would threaten me to keep quiet) so I did for years. Although the abuse stopped with me, I feared for my younger sister & when she came to me and then i realized my worst fears were real . After a very long trial & some family turning against me, my mum believing my dad , rumors spreading that I was this & that and that me & my sister made the whole thing up, my father got not guilty.. So once again I felt helpless afraid and alone .. After the trial there was nothing else I could do but for me & my sister to just move on & be there for one another. We didn't at all speak to my parents & I was so dissapointed in my mum for taking his side when deep down she knew the truth., couple yrs past by I met a man & had a child of my own , it's these moments You wish you had a family I then got married once again a very hard time to deal with the emotions of no dad to walk you down the aisle no mum to go dress shopping with.
Recently I got a phone call that my mum passed away. I felt so much guilt & pain. I felt like there was so much I needed to say to her that I will never get another chance to say. I felt like I was the one who tore our family apart. I just wanted her to know that a part of me still cared about her & I still loved her after all she was my mum and once upon a time we were close.. I guess I feel really bad that the fact is she's gone forever and I don't know if I'm okay with that.
{ please NO harsh comments I'm already feeling so crappy}
Please don't post to Facebook just needing to get things off my chest
Please don't post to Facebook just needing to get things off my chest
Posted in:
Life Lessons, Loss & Grief, Helping others through Grief
3 Replies
Of course you need to get things off your chest. So many times that are supposed to be happy to remind you of what you have been through. I don't know who would say anything harsh to you. None of what happened was your fault or under your control. If you haven't already perhaps it's time to see someone who can help you work through your emotions.
Although it wasn't my dad I also went through the same thing as a child. I'm so sorry for :-) what happened was not your fault and deep down I'm sure she would have known you were not lying. Everyone is different and maybe this is not for you... but personally I would pay your mum a visit? Could be good for a bit of closure? Take some flowers and maybe a support person? Good luck
None of this situation is your fault. You are extremely brave for standing up for your sister and yourself.
As sad as it is and please dont take this the wrong way but she made her choice. She stood by her husband rather than her children :-( . The fact she has gone doesn't change that.
I would write a letter get it all out. Obviously you can't post it but you could go visit her grave and talk to her.
I know how hard having no relationship with parents is because I am living it. My father didn't want my past abuse going to court as a police officer going to his house is embarrassing. My Mum also took his side and had no contact with me for over 2 years. Missed the birth of their youngest grand child. I walked away because I believed what I was doing was the right thing. That no matter what happened if I protected 1 child it was worth it. Eventually we came in contact again for me to realise that nothing has changed. They still dont care about what happened or how hard it all was and never will. So again I have spoken to them in 4 months and it will stay that way now.
Sorry for the novel just want you to realise you are not alone...
HUGS xoxo