What do you love about being a Mum?

Anon Imperfect Mum

What do you love about being a Mum?

Does anyone actually love being a mum? Like truly love it? I am not judging, I am genuinely interested to know what you love about it. I have two beautiful daughters, I love them and to the outside world we look like the perfect family, they are well behaved, gorgeous, happy girls. My husband is a great dad. BUT I hate being a mother, I mean I hate it, like I can’t think of anything I like about it. The constant cooking and cleaning, the constant negotiations or just how long it takes to achieve anything, the demands and the juggling. I feel like I am missing, like I have lost myself and have just become a Mum I have no other purpose (I still work but it is always second to motherhood) and there is just no satisfaction or reward in it. I feel like my whole purpose in life or any individual goals in life I had have disappeared (maybe I threw them out with the dirty nappies) I dread getting up in the morning to another day of the same thing over and over only to hang for bedtime, parenting is so isolating when they are constantly sick. I am not depressed....please don’t tell me I am depressed or to see a doctor. I just feel like I made a huge mistake in becoming a Mum and now I can’t take it back and I am wondering if other mums feel like this and we are all just pretending it’s all sunshine and butterflies like our Facebook pages portray, because we can’t say out loud that we hate it.....or if this is just me, was I at the bar when everyone was getting their maternal instinct handed out? Does it get better?

Posted in:  Parenthood Guilt

17 Replies

Anon Imperfect Mum

Its a hard balance. Easy to lose yourself. So important to find ways to still be yourself.
I love when my kids come to my classes and see me being an independent person not just their mum.

like
Anon Imperfect Mum

I love being the school mum. I love doing all the school (as in prep and up) things. However, I absolutely hate the toddler stage. But I know people who are the opposite and love the toddler stage but hate school stuff. I even know people who love having teenagers and others who think teenagers are really difficult. Maybe you haven't found the age you like best yet. I also know people who only love babies, I know a woman who has had a lot of kids but as soon as they're out of the baby stage they go to her mum to raise, which of course her mum isn't happy about. But no, motherhood isn't all sunshine and butterflies. It really sucks sometimes! It's like eating food...of course we love eating food but we're not going to be shoving food in our mouths 24/7 even when we're sick and throwing up. That's like motherhood. It's always there...and it can be too much. So it's ok to take some alone time as well.

like
Anon Imperfect Mum

I agree. I read somewhere once that we aren’t never going to be a perfect parent for every age that our children go through. I loved having newborns and I feel completely lost now they are are toddler and beyond (before school age).

like
Anon Imperfect Mum

Most of my friends are the "my kids are my whole world and I love every single second of it and I miss them when they're at school" type of mums, there's nothing wrong with that of course but I struggle to relate to that. I love my kids but they don't consume every ounce of my being and I don't love every aspect of parenting, sometimes that shit is hard and sometimes I long for the days where they're not so dependent on me.
What I do enjoy is watching them grow, physically and emotionally. I enjoy watching them develop their own personalities and own interests.
I enjoy knowing I'm raising good people who'll hopefully contribute to society in a positive way.

like
Anon Imperfect Mum

You’re not alone! I think you need to fine yourself again and definitely may not have found the age you love best like the previous person said. I hated the baby stage! It’s why I only have one child and also worried feeling like you do now. I love being a Mum when my son says I love you, I miss you, when he just chats to me or wants to do things with me. He’s 3 almost 4 and I love this age best but it’s not all perfect his tantrums are terrible and is a normal 3 year old testing the limits! Good luck please get if you feel like you’re getting worse x

like
Anon Imperfect Mum

Im not a natural mum. For me it’s hard work. I wouldn’t not have my son again but I’m really happy I didn’t have more.
His giggles and laughter make it worth it.

I’m the mum that gets furious when someone says ‘you never regret the children you have’. I call bullshit on that saying. I know a number of people who wouldn’t do it again.

like
Anon Imperfect Mum

I agree that saying is total bull! Heaps of people regret the kids they have. There are so many kids in foster care already, I hate it when people say that to guilt people into having kids they can't provide for.

like
Anon Imperfect Mum

Yep, can't stand that saying either. It's right up there with 'Everything happens for a reason'.

like
Anon Imperfect Mum

Any given moment, any given answer lol.

like
Anon Imperfect Mum

No, you're not alone. I feel similar. I would take a bullet for my daughter, I love her beyond words and would never give her back. I love watching her grow, and change and learn. Each stage has its joys and challenges. However, knowing what I know now, I probably wouldn't choose motherhood over again. I feel like I'm probably not a top choice as a mum. I fight constant anxiety. I struggle with being needed ALL the time. People wear me out. I want to be alone a lot which is obviously not ideal!

What I'm finding makes me feel better is being a bit selfish sometimes. This past year, due to my hubby changing jobs and being home earlier more often, I've been taking more time out for me. Movies with my friends, going to the gym, doing running events, visiting my sister by myself. I feel like time with my daughter is quality over quantity.

What I can say is that demands on your time will be less over time, they will become more independent, they won't always need you as much as they do now. By what you wrote, it sounds like you have had a rough time lately. Have they had a bad run with illness? Are you not getting time out for yourself? Try to see if you can steal a bit of time back to recharge your batteries. You cannot pour from an empty cup.

like
Anon Imperfect Mum

I actually hate being a Mum too. I have one child who is significantly disabled and another typical child. I don’t get any joy from parenting my disabled child anymore (even though I love him immensely) as the demands are unrelenting and so so draining. I feel like if I had two kids who were typical I would have been made to be a mother but unfortunately the hand I have been dealt makes me regret having children every single day. I wake up and dread the start of the day and from first thing in the morning, I count the hours until bed time. It’s exhausting.

I guess the biggest thing for me is that there’s no light at the end of the tunnel. As most people’s children grow to become independent, my son will likely never be able to live alone. It’s not getting any better for me and to know that my life is always going to be like this is just purely exhausting.

like
Anon Imperfect Mum

I have a child with mild ASD and I find that hard enough so I can't imagine what you go through every day :( I don't blame you at all for feeling how you do. *hugs*

like
Anon Imperfect Mum

I see all those day to day motherly things beautiful.

If my days weren’t spent waking up, getting two kids dressed/fed/entertained as well as myself. My days would be spent getting myself ready and off to work to do the same job I’ve always done.

Life is like that. And unless you’re made of money and you’re a thrill seeker or extremely outgoing/active/adventurous, life is always going to get repetitive and boring at points.

I love waking up in the morning knowing I don’t have strict deadlines to make. And that the only pressures I have are the ones I put on myself as a mother because let’s face it, the kids don’t really give a shit so long as you love them.

I knew I was meant to be a mother, always. And I know it’s my calling so morherhood just works for me.

But there are so many other things I couldn’t do or wouldn’t be able to do, that you would excel at.

No one is the same. And honestly, you aren’t the only one but you’re very courageous for being able to admit to yourself that you don’t enjoy morherhood. It doesn’t make you any less of a mother. It makes you real, and honest and that’s something to love about yourself.

like
Anon Imperfect Mum

Definitely not just you babe, being a mum is freaking hard and I have plenty of days where I am just plain over it. It has its upswings and downswings, sometimes things seem easier and other times it just plain sucks. Try and find time to do something that you enjoy it doesn’t have to be something big just read a book, go for a walk or have a drink when the kids are in bed and let your hair down. I think as mums most of us feel like we have lost ourselves at some point but honestly the best thing I ever did was say stuff other people’s expectations of what I should be as a mum and just be my quirky self

like
Anon Imperfect Mum

I hear u i F##Ken hate it at the moment constant bickering fighting annoying each other
Its all i wanted to be a mother
I dnt regret it but gezzers its wearing me down

like
Anon Imperfect Mum

I love being a mum to my girls, it is by far the best and most rewarding thing I have done. Was there a time where I didn't feel like this.... absolutely, I went and enrolled in study. Knowing that when I finish I can work and earn good money has done wonders for my state of mind.
A friend of mine could.have written this post. On the daily she talks about how much she struggles. Is she depressed, no, is she just having a moment.... yes, and we'll continue to be her for this moment. I'm sure things will flip and I'll need her when I'm not enjoying it and she is. She loves her kids, just hates how things are right now. Young kids are hard. Mothers give up everything.
You are doing an amazing job. Find your tribe that you can be honest to without judgement. At some point we all hate being a mother. Being a women now is tough. We're expected to do everything.
Find something that's for you. Chase it and don't look back.

like
Anon Imperfect Mum

I absolutely love being a mum! I hate being domestic like cooking and cleaning, that shit is repetitive and i'd rather sit and watch netflix than fold the damn clothes, I dont think that goes with kids, more with being an adult and having responsibility. I feel like my life would never ever have been complete without my kids. Even through their tantrums, attitude, fights and snot/poo etc.. I still find them my reason for smiling and existing. I found I struggled to enjoy it as much when I was a stay at home mum, now that I am a teacher, I look forward to rushing home to my kids and giving them my time and spending endless time doing fun things on the holidays. I dont feel like you do, but I know plenty of people who do and that is okay too xx

like