Hey IM’s,
I’m a teen mum. I was only 16 when I gave birth to my little one. It’s been nearly a year since I gave birth and I’ll just say it now, I believe I made the right decision and I love my little one more than anything in the world. But I also can’t help feel like I’m missing out on so much.
I’m obviously not on the same level as any of my peers anymore and I don’t have many friends. I don’t seem to fit in with older mums and I never fit in with people my age. There’s just some things I wish I could do but I can’t now.
I’ve continued to study and get a job and everything I can but it’s not easy keeping up with it all.
But it’s not just for me either. I feel guilty for not having my liscence to take him anywhere, whether it be playgroup or to the hospital in an emergancy. For not having anyone to play with at his own age. I feel guilty for not even being classified as an adult. I feel guilty knowing I’m never going to be like other mums. But I just mostly feel guilty that I have this perfect little human that I don’t deserve. It’s like everything just changed so fast and I can’t keep up.
I’ve been diagnosed with PND and have had anxiety and depression before pregnancy. I am trying really hard to manage it through counseling and medication.
I guess I just needed a rant, but any other young mums out there felt the same and got through it?
Teen mum guilt
Teen mum guilt
Posted in:
Mental Health, Post Natal Depression, Self Care
7 Replies
I was a teen mum who couldn't drive. I got around with public transport or other people if I needed. I never went to playgroup because people judged me. I put her in daycare twice a week instead. I moved in the CBD of town so we could walk everywhere we needed. She is in a good private school and has done a lot of extra curricular activities and lives a pretty good life. She is 9 this year. Being a teen mum is hard but it doesn't mean you're setting your child up for a bad life. Just keep studying and doing what youre doing and eventually it will get easier.
Teen mums do it tough...so do mums of middle age and older age.
I’d suggest finding other teen mums in your local area. There is others just like you!
I was struggling being 24 and having s newborn, as none of my friends had kids and it seemed everyone older had more kids and were more experienced and more judgmental. So I’d find people your age, try starting a fb group or page, go to library events and I promise you, even though our ages are different, I was feeling the same way you did - and I would have been glad to have a friend who understood.
Time to get your L’s and book in for driving lessons with an instructor! Do you have friends or family that could teach you to drive?
I’m a Mum in my 20s and I would love to connect with you :) I’m in Melbourne if you are too - feel free to find me on FB
I'm a "teen mum" too, I'm really not fond of that term though because I'm just a mum, my age doesn't define me or my capability as a parent. My age bothers other people more than it does me, I have faced so much judgement over the years but I made a conscious decision to not let it bother me, I figure it says more about the type of people they are to be so narrow minded (though, that resolve was tested last year when my age became to subject of the school mum gossip).
I do relate to a lot of what you've said though, I think regardless of age many new mums feel like they're missing out, having a child (particularly at a young age) means sacrificing quite a bit, giving up that carefree lifestyle can be hard.
One thing stood out to me here that breaks my heart though, so I'll just say this:
Don't ever let anyone make you feel less deserving or less worthy than a mother who's a 'socially acepted' age. You are a good mum, you deserve to be loved, you deserve to enjoy your child without any guilt, you are not in any way inadequate! So you get out there, hold your head high and prove all the haters wrong!
You'll find your tribe one day, my closest friends are all closer to my parents age and I met them through my kids school. I'm 28 now and still don't drive - it's less convenient but you can make it work.
Good luck sweetheart Xx
Good on you for being able to talk about this, i know it can feel isolating and lonely at times.
I was a teen mum too (im now 35) and i had the exact same feelings of guilt and i struggled with 'fitting in' with the other mums.
But i promise you there is hope!
First up, allllll mums feel guilt, or loneliness or sadness, especially in the first year. Keep seeing your doctor though and maybe do some counselling as well. The first few years are so tough as everything is new to us.
Second, try to make it a priority to get your license. Once you have it you will feel independent and have a sense of freedom and not feel so much like a child.
Third, keep going to playgroups. Church run groups seem to usually have nice people in them. You only need to find one person to connect with, and your child will love going.
Even look at things like story time at libraries. If you cant find anything suitable maybe start one yourself! Advertise on your local fb community page for other young mums to meet up at the park or even maccas playground.
Lastly, you can do this! Try to plan things to do with your child everyday, even if its just going outside and collecting interesting looking leaves or rocks! We all need a reason to get our asses out of bed each morning.
Look at doing online courses, it will help keep your mind busy while also giving you skills.
Good luck!
I'd just like to say, I'm not a teen mum and I've experienced all of these feelings. I used public transport a lot to get out and about because when I was with the father of my child he always had to car. We would either walk or jump on a bus/train to get to a park or a beach. Our local library has a story time for kids to listen to stories, read and do crafts. That was always something we both looked forward to.
I found the days 'OUT' always helped my anxiety and depression. especially the beach - if I was feeling really overwhelmed it was calming.
I have the car all to myself now but I still experience feeling overwhelmed and anxious if I am at home too often.
Go easy on yourself, that’s the PND talking, it talks shit no matter what age you are!😂
See if there’s any young Mum groups in your area or even online? I know my local youth centre had a young Mums group. We are all just trying to find our tribe, and over the years we change as does our tribe