Hi all. Im needing advice. My 12 yr old ASD son has managed to spend just over $1000 on my credit card buying upgrades for xbox. The xbox is a weekend limited only thing. This has occured over the space of 1 month.
After initially denying it, he admitted to taking my card and using it without me knowing.
We have talked. He is not remorsful. But that is not uncommon for him on the spectrum. I am at a loss on how to punish him for this. I have taken the xbox away indefinantly, and blocked my card.
Any adviced would be greatly appreciated.
Suitable punishment. What to do?
Suitable punishment. What to do?
Posted in:
Kids, Aspergers & Autism
9 Replies
I think you have done what you can. You're unlikely to get remorse from him for any reason other than what he loses (xbox time)
I think the punishment you have set is appropriate.
Might be a good time idea to start teaching the value of a dollar too. Make him earn some money.
Chores to earn it back. Once he earns $1000 worth of chores he can have it again.
Not like $2 per job, do car washing for $10, wash the dog $10, vacuum car $5 so it’s a fair amount. Try and aim for it to be completed in a month like he spent it in.
If he doesn't feel remorse then make sure you lock everything down for future, lock his App Store or adult settings on everything so he has no control and no freedom, tough luck. I would also make him feel the effects via no macdonalds, no treats in shopping, nothing new, no outings next school holidays etc as 'have no money as paying off the debt'. Although don't dig yourself a hole, plan it first and then only cancel what works for you. Not even so much as a punishment but as a life lesson, money isn't free theres only so much and when it's gone it's not so nice.
If I was in this situation, I would be selling the Xbox and games to put towards the debt (I'd have to as well, I'm not in a financial position to be repaying that kind of money). However, it depends in your situation. Does he have the capacity to understand that stealing your card was wrong? He may not be sorry but I'm guessing he does know that was wrong given the initial denial.
I think finding a way for him to earn the money to repay you will be a good life lesson for him - spending money is easy but earning it is hard work!
I would also be talking about re earning your trust. Trusting that he can be responsible with his devices, trusting that he won't steal your card again (side note: make sure he understands that using your card without your permission or knowledge was stealing).
I also think if/when he gets the Xbox back you'll need some new rules and a high level of supervision, I would only allow Xbox in living areas from now on so it's easy to keep an eye on him. And maybe a creative hiding spot for your wallet 😉
I like the idea of making him work it off. You could even get him to do big chores (like mowing the lawn, washing cars etc) for other people until he works it off.
Are you sure your details weren't saved to xbox live? My son spends his pocket money on xbox live and doesn't need my card for it, it's really easy and there's lots of stories the same as yours.
Good point! But she said he stole her credit card, so it looks like it was deliberate
Sounds like he has an addiction. Speak to your psychologist