Partner doesn’t want my mother at our baby’s birth. He hasn’t said it directly but he closes off and gets quiet and shitty. I have a congenital heart defect and am currently in hospital until I get induced next Monday due to heart failure, we are 8-10hours away from home and my mother is going to fly down with my daughter on Monday, because I want my Mum and I want my daughter to meet her brother, he will be 35weeks with a small hole in his heart son I’m not sure how long he will be in special care for, I’ve told him she won’t be in the labour room and he just has little shots about me wanting my mummy there to hold my hand, to be honest I’m scared shitless that something could go wrong with my heart that’s the reason I want my Mum and daughter, I have no idea what’s going to happen. But how do I get it through to him that sometimes a girl just needs her mother, who he also gone through having premature babies and knows how I’m feeling. I feel like he’s jealous or that he just doesn’t like my mum, he always makes comments about me loving or missing my daughter more then him etc I’m just a mess and I don’t even know if I’ve worded this properly I just need advice on how to make him understand from my point of view.
Thanks ladies
Partner not wanting my mother at the birth
Partner not wanting my mother at the birth
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Pregnancy
12 Replies
He's scared too. Try to talk without the walls up xxx
Your partner should stop
Making digs at you wanting your mum at the birth if I could have had my mum there for my births I would have
It's not up to him who goes it is up to you
You are the one going through a traumatic time when giving birth he should be supportive of your decision
Just my
Opinion though....
Sounds like hes jealous and immature.
Next time he makes a cheap shot, pull himup. Set him straight that yes I love my daughter. Yes you choose your mum there and its your choice.
I do understand that he might not like her and might want it to be only him, especially if you start telling her things over him, but birth is one of those situations where it is all about you and he needs to grow up and get with it.
Is she a bit pushy? Maybe he thinks she will take over support person and make him feel useless. My MIL does it to me and my partner thinks I'm overreacting he doesn't even notice what she's like. The way she looks at me or just says, "No not like that, like this" I just want to bop her on the head 😂. Not saying she is but it would explain why he is acting like that. Best of luck, tell him to shut up anyway because it's all about you and your precious bub from here on in.
No she’s not interfering at all, she’s just very concerned at the moment with my heart health the way it is, and she won’t be in the room or even at the hospital while I’m labour she’ll be at a motel across the road with my daughter waiting. But usually they get along pretty well
What's their relationship like under normal circumstances? Do they get on well? Has he ever shown jealousy of the close relationship you obviously have with your mum?
If all is good there, I'd put it down to nerves but he needs to be pulled up for it, because this is all extra stress you don't need. The patronizing jabs at you and your mum need to stop!
Tell him everything you've told us, you're scared, you need your mums support. Ultimately, you're the patient and the one birthing an entire human, you can bring whatever support people you need, he doesn't get a say. Giving birth is overwhelming enough alone without the added stress of your heart condition. If he still can't be supportive I'd tell him to pull his head in or don't bother coming!
They usually get along pretty well, I think he definitely has a bit of jealousy but in saying that he has a very close relationship with his mother as well so there’s no difference, I’m just sick of being made feel guilty for something I don’t see a problem in. I even considered asking my mother not to travel down because he’s been giving me such bad anxiety
Please don't tell your mum not to come, you need her (especially if your husband is acting like a tit) and she'll need to be there for her own peace of mind too. You're her baby, I daresay she's scared shitless too.
This whole situation is bigger than your husband, it has the potential to affect your whole family. Your mum and your daughter have a right to be near by, I read above that she won't even be in the delivery room?! I could kind of understand him being put out before but now i think it makes his behavior worse!
Next time the little jibes come out, rip his damn head off - get all your feelings out and don't hold back. It's not necessarily the best communication method but sometimes we as women have to lose our absolute shit for our partners to take us seriously and to make them realise their own behavior has been wrong.
I'm sure he's experiencing mixed emotions himself but he has not right to make you feel this way when you're already feeling a bit scared and vulnerable!
All the best with your delivery xx
I read it that she's not even going to be at the actual birth so I don't really even see what his problem is.. If he's close with his own mum is he maybe getting an earful from her about your mum being there and not her?
I was thinking that too.
I didn't want anyone other than my husband present while I gave birth, my Mil carried on so much to my husband (and anyone who'd listen) that for his sanity I relented and let her come.
I'd definitely ask him if his "mummy" has been in his ear.
Next time he says "u just want your mummy" u respond with "damn straight!! I'm scared for myself and my baby and I want to feel as safe, loved and secure as i can in these circumstances. My mum does that because shes my mum"... and leave it at that. Only a fucking ass would argue with that 😏
And just as a reference, my mum was in the labour ward with me and my partner with our first. And man am I glad I had her! Cos when everything started to go wrong and suddenly drs and nurses were rushing around everywhere to try to save both our lives, my hubby understandably freaked. And even thou he tried his hardest to contain it, and be strong, in that moment, he was absolutely no help to me what so ever. It was my MUM, who was able to remain calm and collected and draw my attention to her to calm me down as I totally freaked and my husband was free to fall apart and recollect himself in his own time. I could not have gotten thru it without my mum.
Ever birth since then has been a caesar because of what happened the first time, so hubby was the only one with me, but my mum was always close with my other children.
Your partner needs to get over it. Mums are always our mums and we are allowed to nead them, even as adults
I too have a CHD, it's a scary time being pregnant. We opted for a c-section to save any potential dramas, have you considered this? With your son being premmie, it may also be the safest option.
I can understand how he is feeling, you've chosen him to do life with and he probably feels it is his duty to protect you. And by your mum being there, it probably makes him feel as though he is failing at that or that you're not putting your trust in him. The repeated jabs would make me think that this is the way he is feeling.
You just need to reassure him that you have full faith in him but you want your mum there to witness his birth and that when he's born, he will be taken away immediately and he can go off with your son, whilst your mum can stay with you to comfort you and get you through the next 10 or so minutes.