Please don't judge here this is very sensitive.
I'm a single mum to my daughter who will be 3 in November.
I've been single since I was 7 weeks pregnant
I've never had any help with her since she was born. I was in and out of court with her father when I was pregnant and her as a new born. I spent all my time trying to protect her from this man who just wanted her out of this world.
I spent all my focus on that that I never truly bonded with her. Always hiding and looking after my back so I had to just move away.
Flash forward to today and I'm exhausted. I don't have any family around me im in a new state.
My daughter NEVER sits still. She never sleeps and she NEVER listens or follows instructions.
Her day care teachers are having a hard time with her.
She does swimming lessons which I'm thinking of stopping cause she doesn't listen.
I can't sit and read to her because she won't listen or won't sit still.
We don't colour in paint etc cause it's just not a nice fun bonding experience.
I'm like a broken record. Always repeating my self. I've stared to yell but that doesn't work and now I've become a smacker and I hate it. I never wanted to smack. My dad smacked all the time and it was awful.
We sit on the couch and she's always climbing over me pocking me annoying me. I don't get to breathe. She's climbs up on the TV in ask her 3 times to get down then I start to yell then I smack and she's right up there again.
There was a time she was psuhjng he pram around and she isn't aloud to do this as she Rams it into the dogs or my car. So I asked her to put it back and push her dolls pram instead. She refused. So I took her away after I asked a second time and shut the garage door. She lost it the tantrum lasted a full 40 mins her banging the back fence she wouldn't talk she would hime when I tried she kicked me in the nose. It was awful. I called my mum who eventually calmed her down then she went into a full panic and was banging on the door crying. She was saying "baby baby". Turns out her baby was in the pram and she wanted to get her out. But she couldn't talk to me and tell me because she didn't know how to.
Another example she knows she isn't aloud to feed our dogs. But she does and I keep saying no. She climbs up high get the food drops it every where and the dogs get into a huge fight and one ends up in the vets.
She's not the best talked either. Can't ask for what she wants or can't have a conversation with her. On the way home from day care I'll ask what she did and it will just end in screaming cause she's trying to talk toe but I can understand her. So it's easier not to even ask and that hurts me. I just can't talk to her.
Every thing she does is extreme like riding a bike she had to go fast and crash into things. Pushing the dolls pram she has to crash it into the wall or the need or run over her doll. She's always running not walking. Always spinning in circles. I don't know how she doesn't just collapse and pass out from exhaustion.
Everything still goes in her mouth like a little baby. Which is something else that's driving me crazy I have to still baby proof the house and make sure everything is up off the floor right to the last crumb.
She locks the door every time I go out side. Today I grabbed it just in time. She slambed my fingers in it I pushed it open and fell on top of her. We were both very hurt.
I'm at my ends Whit's. I've been to psycologets. I'm seeing a pediatrician in a month.
Why won't she talk why does she have tantrums all the time. Why can't she just sit still for one minute.
I'm at a point I almost want to give her away. And for that very reason I feel like the worst person in the world and she deserves better. I'm in a loop and I can't get out of it.
I'm so lost so confused. I can't breath.
7 Replies
I’d also add a referral for a speech pathologist.
You have described a number of potential conditions in your post.
Based on that, there's a number of conditions that this could be. It could also be feeding off of your stresses.
Do you have a maternal health nurse that could assist you in sourcing the relevant services? You need to look after yourself also through these hard times.
Definitely see a speech pathologist, try getting a referral ASAP as the wait lists can be quite long.
Please see your child health nurse, they will refer you to a speech therapist, then also get yourself a referral to a paediatrician so that you can get her checked out medically.
My daughter was exactly like you described. She's now on medication to sleep and medication to calm her down during the day for school. She has ADHD and she was not able to control her impulses etc
She's not a naughty kid she is probably suffering. You're not a bad mum either but you do need some help and you really need to ask for it. No one took me seriously for ages except my Paediatrician.
Okay firstly, I think you should get her to see someone because it’s always great to speak your concerns.
But honestly, I am one to admit, that 2 and 3 year olds STINK and I actually really hate parenting them. And it’s an absolute weak spot in my parenting.
Honestly, they are hard work. And it sounds even hard if your girl is behind with communication and speech. Honestly, it’s a hard gig. Stop beating yourself up about it. Either make an appointment with a GP or go see your MCHN and go from there. MCHN will be able to give you all the referrals you need.
And also, have a good think about the type of parent you’d like to be. And come up with plans of attacks with her certain behaviour. Try and find ways to keep yourself and your emotions in check too so you can stop smacking. And stick to your plan of attack. It might be hell for a few weeks but once your daughter knows and can see you are consistently have firm boundaries, without lashing out, hopefully some of her issues start to settle down.
I’d say she might have some conditions. But I also think it’s a combination of all things... her age, potential conditions and the fact you’re worn down and ready to break (which see can probably see).
Hang in there mama
honestly I don't think you should give her up because the foster care system is awful. If you truly felt that way you could try adoption, pick the family yourself. But definitely seek help first, maybe from a psychiatrist for both yourself and your daughter. Or have you got a Mum or close friend/family willing to help, take her a few days a week or something? best of luck, parenting is hard xo
Big hugs.
Do you get a day to yourself? If not you need to get a daycare day just for that a week/fornight, or even a babysitter! You can’t give if you are empty.
You’re not alone, this sounds like some 2 years olds.
I would go to your local health centre (hospital one) and ask in the children section for a hearing test (I’ve got my nearly 3 year old booked in next month) talk to them they want to help. Or even talk to your gp and see about a speech therapist.
Also instead of smacking maybe timeout or taking away something she likes. Or treats when she behaves.
I would get her hearing tested. Lack of speech can be from lack of hearing and her frustrations and not listening to what you are telling her to do also tells me hearing issue.
My little cousin just had gromits put in and over night was talking better, listening more and just a much better child. He still has some behaviour issues - but just one step at a time and the difference is astounding although not perfect!
Good luck mumma you’re doing amazing 💜