I am currently 23 weeks pregnant and just split with the father of my unborn baby.I was the one to walk away,he still wants to be together.The reason is he is a alcoholic and drug addict and won’t go seek help despite him agreeing that he needs help for his addictions.He is a massive manipulative,narcissistic lier and I cannot be around him anymore.We have never lived together because of his addictions and that’s something he has never understood.I have tried to help him in ways that a supportive partner can but enough is enough.I do not and cannot be with someone like that,don’t want my children around that and I’m finally strong enough to leave.I know addictions are hard to get a grip of but he has had more than enough support and help from myself and his family with the same outcome...nothing except spending most time in his room drinking and taking drugs all day and night.
I have been told of his behaviours related to his drinking especially by his housemate and I’m absolutely disgusted.For example(sorry for the tmi) he got blackout drunk(a regular occurrence) and vomited all over the coffee table and just left it there.
I have children from a previous relationship so this isnt my first pregnancy.This is his first child.Thats the condensed version of the story.My question is..with how I feel right now towards him,can I legally refuse him to be in the birthing room?He is the kind of person to get very nasty and threatening if I was to tell him I don’t want him in there at the birth so I want to find out where I stand well before the time comes.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated especially if you have been in a similar situation :)
Alcoholic drug addict Ex partner at baby’s birth?
Alcoholic drug addict Ex partner at baby’s birth?
Posted in:
Pregnancy
9 Replies
The midwives and doctors will only allow people you want in the room. You are considered the patient. Who is allowed in labour is a privilege, not a right.
But to save some drama, don’t tell him when you go into labour or when you are induced.
Tell him after the baby is born.
I didn’t have my ex there for delivery. He was a bit more understanding though, so he was happy to be in the waiting room.
The same goes for all appointments. Let your medical team know of the situation early on.
Of course you can! I'd be very surprised if the staff would allow him to be present in his drunken state.
Let your medical team know now, if he unexpectedly turns up they'll get security to deal with him. Most maternity wards are very secure though, the hospital I birthed at had an intercom system so no randoms could just stroll in.
I would get some legal advice now though, he won't be allowed at the birth of you don't want him to be but you will want some sort of custody arrangements in place for baby's protection because he may fight for visitation/access.
Yes, get legal advice before you give birth. Best thing I ever did. Not so I could screw dad out of a relationship with his child, but so I could support a SAFE relationship, protect my son and myself. I actually advised dad to get legal advice too.
Just tell him the labour was fast and intense and the first moment for anyone to phone was after bub was born and you were both safe.
Of course you can. Birth is about you. I would call him afterwards when youre ready for a visit and schedule a time when you have someone there with you, or ask a midwife to stay with him.
You can have anyone you want. At one of my antinatal appointments the midwife asked me if i was in a dv situation not sure if it was asked because I had my sister there or if its a standard thing but definetly make your team aware of the situation.
Sounds like you made a really hard but really solid decision for you and the baby. Being a mum already you know what babies need and you need to be able to keep your bubba safe. I hope you can find some support from friends and family or services in the coming weeks as you plan for the arrival of the baby. It could be really good to get free legal advice from a community legal centre in your area about your rights around the birth but also explore an intervention order if you are fearful that he will become threatening at all. You have the right to be protected from harm as does the baby. And it sounds like you might have experienced some verbal abuse already from what you described. Take care and wishing everything good. Xx
You have every right to choose who is and is not allowed in the room with you while you give birth and as you recover. You don't have to tell him when you go into labour. You don't have to tell him straight away when the baby is born. You don't have to keep him updated on any of your midwife/Dr appointments or scans or tests. If you are really uncertain, have a chat with your midwife, Dr, or even the social worker at the hospital.
Best of luck!
Don't tell him anything. When bub arrives keep his name off the certificate and don't look for child support from him. Please protect your child. As much as kids need their dad's, they need to be safe more. Don't risk their safety with no reason.. Please make him earn the right to be on the certificate through getting treatment and sobriety. Narcissists don't care about what's best for anyone bit themselves and your child WILL pay the price.