I need some serious help. I have 3 kids with my husband. We've been together for 14 years and I wouldnt say happily. He's never been able to hold a job, to the point where I needed to return to work early after having all my children (which I know I resent him for). I had a really bad car crash a year ago which has given me a permanent disability which has changed how much I can do. He has needed to hold down a job because of it and now that's all he can do. He rarely helps out around the house. He gets home from work at 10.30pm plays on the computer until 5 am goes to sleep and wakes 30 minutes before he needs to leave at 12.30. Makes no effort to see his kids inthe morning or be apart of our family. Gets veryannoyed when I organize
Things for us to do as a family cos he just wants to "chill".
He doesnt converse with me about anything, I dont exist for him at all. When I do talk to him he swear add at me, tells or outright ignores me.
He gets so angry when I try and talk about our problems that sometimes I'm worried how far he'll go. At times we've been in the car and he loses it and drives like a maniac even withthe kids.
The kids love him and dont want him to go. I've asked him a few times its ended in me being screamed at or sworn at. Then he apologises andthen we start again.
Today he attempted to reprimand one of our kids and he went too far and gotthe crazy eyes and scream about him that I had to force him out of the room. He then exclaimed he was leaving. I was relieved... 30 minutes later he said he wasnt leaving.
My daughter was hysterical as he essentially blamed her for it. So I was calming her down she begged me to make him stay.
Long story short... I don't know what to do anymore. I cannot think of one thing I like about that man. I hate him. I want him to leave. I dont want my kids to hate me for it. I dont know If I can do it on my own (even though I pretty much am already). I feel so trapped cos he doesnt hit me but I feel battered and insignificant. Please help.
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7 Replies
It could only be a matter of time before things get physical. So leave now.
Your kids will adjust. They could never hate a mother who did everything she could to protect them. They sound very confused and as they would be, but it is for the better, for them and you if you leave.
Tell someone now. If it’s family, a trusted friend or a professional, and start making the changes that need to happen to leave. It’s a long process but you can do it. You deserve to
He doesn't have to hit you for it to be abuse. He already has you living in fear. He's abusing you, he's abusing your kids, and it's only a matter of time before it's physical.
He doesn't have to have hit you for you to leave. You and your children deserve so much better. Call 1800 RESPECT and get some advice. You CAN do it.
I’m generally the one that says ‘stay, get counselling, work it theough’ BUT in your case. GO! There’s no question, there’s no love, there’s no respect, there’s no support. The kids will thank you one day when they realise that daddy might actually spend more time with them when he only sees them at certain times and when he does he’s nice to them! And they’ll see you happy, THAT alone is worth it 😘
You need to get your big girl panties on and LEAVE. This is NO environment to raise children in. They will grow up to find abusers themselves if they see this as normal.
If you want to dodge a bullet, I'd find a "friend" to distract him and get him to leave you.....
I could have written this myself 10 years ago. Leave it will be the best decision you have ever made. You can do it
I could have written this myself 10 years ago. Leave it will be the best decision you have ever made. You can do it
Your kids don’t want him to leave because they don’t know anything else. It’s your job to show them that abuse and disrespect is not normal. You are not trapped you are scared. Change your mindset to love and hope - for a better life. Please it’s heartbreaking to read this - you and your kids deserve so much better x